to find the kids annoying when I've had them all day?

[BlackMaryJanes]

I'm a SAHM. DH leaves for work at 7am and arrives back home at 6pm. Up until recently DH would take the kids to the supermarket for an hour when he got home in every evening to give me a break. An absolute lifeline for me. Now, he doesn't want to do that anymore. During our argument I said to him that after having the kids all day, I find them annoying. To which he responded, "Do you hate motherhood that much?!"

So, AIBU to find them annoying after having them all day? Does this mean I 'hate motherhood'? By the end of the day I feel touched-out, exhausted, irritable and in need of some breathing space. The kids are 2.5 and 12 months. I'm still BFing the 12 month old.

YA both BU.

Your dh is being mean, but you are also sounding petty and unreasonable tbh.

There's some great advice OK n thus thread, but you only seem interested in hearing responses echoing your feeling that your dh is solely at fault. What you should be focussing on are solutions and a decent agreed routine. For example, you say you don't drive, so why not arrange a driving lesson for 6pm once a week, whilst your dh looks after the dcs.

Fwiw, competitive tiredness/sah vs woh is pointless. Depends on type of work, behaviour/characters of dcs, personalities of wohp and sahp,etc etc.

And BTW, my dcs drive me bonkers a good deal of the time. And from c.5pm onwards I have an ever decreasing tolerance. Getting them in bed at 7 is the only way I cope. And tbh I clock off at 6ish once dh has had 10 mins sit down and cuppa after work. I hide out in the kitchen 'preparing dinner' listening to the radio and mning whilst dh does bath time. I recommend it!

How do you work your weekends?

It sounds like you are fresh from a fight and both on the defensive and unwilling to listen.

Does dh drive and you not? How about taking some driving lessons. Then when he gets home YOU have the freedom to get out. Maybe he could do the food shopping once or twice a week. There is middle ground here. Hibu for sayong what he did but working full time IS hard work too and expecting him to get in and head straight back out again every night is bu too.

I used to have a later bedtime when they didn't need to go to school etc,it doesn't mean u can't have a break.hiding in the kitchen making dinner whilst DH play/give bath/read a story/whatever with the kids its a very good idea,I do that often.unfortunatly I think u r just too busy playing martyr to look for actual solutions.if going to work its so much better/easier,then go find a job.honestly...

By the way folks, DH said that if he was alone with them all day, by 6pm he WOULDN'T find them annoying

so do that!

And the slavery that "we" SAHMs experience!I take it ur an adult and chose to stay home with your children?slavery!get a grip

Your dh doesn't know how he would really feel though does he?
Look, you're not fucked. You are BOTH exhausted. It's really crap but lots of us have been there, survived and are here trying to help.
You BOTH need a rest. Together make a plan to get some. 30 minutes each night each would make a massive difference.

I feel for you op my 3 done my head in last couple days.

Thursaday my husband worked 12pm until 2am friday morning

so had to pick up dd1 age 6 school pushing dd3 21months in buggy.
drop her off gym, pick up dd2 3 from nursery go back gym pickn up dd1 take all 3home feed them, story, bath, bed homework then tidy all by myself.

Dd2 and dd3 dont sleep through night .dd3 21months constantly wants boob.

dd2 age 3 has no patiance
dd3 keeps throwing things down toiliiet and into everything eh shouldent be,
dd1 is lazy and messy and argues a lot with both younger ones moans shes bored is cheeky and kicks off nearly every meal.

school was cancelled yesterday.

hubby despite getting in at 2am went to work 7am got back around 4.
today hes working all day.
waited in for sky guy whos not turned up
kids trash every room they go into
rowed

baby wont stop crying.

cant go loo in peace

feel like had enough today

roll on bedtime.

I love them but they been too much.

babys keeping me up most nights and started feeding like a newborn again.

I live in small house where they follow me everywhere.

currently have 2/3 in bed and husnands tea in oven,

feeling bit poorly and just want to go bed today..

My 3year olds been doing nursery since 18months 1 day a week hoping start 21month old soon as have no family here or freinds that help.

My mil only wants to see 1 child at a time .
sometimes he will take 2out at atime but rarly 3.

I used to go running get a break.
sometimes linger in driveway too long putting rubbish out just to get some peace
or when hes home say im off out round the spar.

feel suffocated at times I love them dearly.

when he comes home moans about house want to slap him.

whats he like on days off? assuming he gets 2 a week?

does he take them to the park then or out to see family?

I love my kids became sahm by accident as childcare as too expensive aim is to go back least part time work so starting up my on business this year but jan flown by what with xmas hols and snow.

I agree that you should be the one to leave the house. Even just stick your earphones in and go for a walk. Or walk to the supermarket, grab some shopping and get a cab back?

I take it he works mon-fri? How about getting a Weekend job? Or, as you don't have work experience yet (he's being a total knob to be slating you for that BTW) what about volunteering, say in a charity shop? No experience required for that. I started when my boob-mad DS was just a little older and he was fine (I was out about 10-6 on Sundays).

it doesnt sound like you enjoy being a sahm.its normal to get annoyed by them and need a break sometimes but every day for an hour,something is not right.

could you find a job you are interested in or go to college.

Does your DH do the bath and bed routine alone (aside from the baby's BF)? What about the weekend - does he take over sole responsibility for a good chunk of time?

Why do you keep saying 'we're fucked'?

What do you think about getting a job?

There is no shame in wanting something other than childcare in your life. Find the balance that suits you best.

Would you be interested in studying some more from home if not working? Maybe you could do that for 'head space' whilst DH has kids, eg at the weekend?

And the slavery that "we" SAHMs experience!I take it ur an adult and chose to stay home with your children?slavery!get a grip

amirah85 i am going to break the rules and say this:

Aren't you the one who posted about smacking your child when she wouldn't get into the car seat?

Try and have a bit of sympathy to someone else who is also going through a frustrating time. You were shown a lot.

OP you definitely need some time out and i do think getting the kids to bed earlier should be high on your list of priorities. Perhaps that way your DH can go out one evening a week, you will have time to sit down together AND you will get much needed time to yourself.

This period will not last forever. Your DH does not understand being at home all day mine thinks i watch Jeremy Kyle and This Morning all day. You are frustrated that he gets to have a bit of freedom even if it is only going to the toilet alone which you haven't done in 2.5 years.

Try not to become resentful about it and damage your relationship with your DH. Things WILL get easier. Perhaps look at nursery for your older one?

I totally get where you're coming from. Most people get a break at some point in the day. Many people get a break every day for an hour. It can be suffocating especially when you can be spending a good deal of the night with them too. It's not about hating being a mother it's just about a rest - or even a change.

When you go to work you get time to yourself on the commute. You get to go to the loo. You get to finish conversations and cups of tea. You sometimes have a 'to do' list and actually complete some of the things to do.

I managed to convince DH how difficult I was finding things by basically having a mental breakdown but I wouldn't go that far. You could reframe it that the kids are missing out on seeing him, and that he is missing out on seeing them grow every day.

Having said all that, I wouldn't fancy the supermarket much with 2 little kids much fun in the evening. Is there somewhere you can pop out to for an hour before bed?

Wiley it was me.never said I was perfect,I make my mistakes and find my challenges in parenting like everyone.and I did say that its hard at times,but calling it a slavery!and finding your children annoying at the end of everyday day?that is something else.

Wow you mean there are people who don't find their kids annoying at the end of every day? Even SAHMs? Blimey.

The OP has an 18 mo gap between her children. When you're breastfeeding one and the other is clingy and demanding and the house is always a mess and there is no structure to the day and then your OH doesn't appreciate how hard it is when he walks in with no sick on his top looking like he has been having intelligent conversations with grown-ups all day - it can feel like slavery.

And I have always found 'get a grip' the most judgemental and least helpful expression ever. Where is this legendary grip? How does one acquire it?

I definately found my children annoying at the end of the day every day when they were both under 3 and dh was working abroad.

I used to:
*go out somewhere every morning, baby groups were good as you got to see the same mums and made 'acquaintances' if not friends
*all get into bed together to try and get an after lunch nap in
*I put them to bed early (but had no dh coming home wanting to see them)
*put kids in creche for 30 mins a week while I went to a postnatal gym class
*when my kids got a bit bigger I got a saturday job (in a library)
*when they were a bit bigger still (and I was slightly less knackered) I took upan evening class

I would suggest you look for an exercise class, maybe one where kids sit in the buggy and you push it round a park? Go to your children's centre and see if there are any activities/classes that would be good for you.

By being a grown up!everyone finds kids annoying from time to time,everyone has an hard day where baby cries a lot and toddler refuses to cooperate,and partners should appreciate the others work.but there is this and there is the all "feeling sorry for myself" thing.if going to work its so much easier,then do it.but then u would be complaining how much harder it is going to work when u have children.

I don't think the posters who keep harping on about how much harder the op has it compared to her H are helping. There is no way of measuring who has it hardest, and there is nothing to be gained from the 'who has it hardest' competition.

Op should be focusing on solutions.

Part of being a grown-up is being honest with yourself about how you feel and what you need to do to make yourself feel ok, for the sake of the whole family.

I just don't think telling someone to grow up or get a grip or pull yourself together or whatever is particularly useful advice.

When you're breastfeeding one and the other is clingy and demanding and the house is always a mess and there is no structure to the day and then your OH doesn't appreciate how hard it is when he walks in with no sick on his top looking like he has been having intelligent conversations with grown-ups all day - it can feel like slavery.

Precisely! Not being able to empty your bowels, not being able to have a drink, wiping the poo off people's arses, answering their every beck and call, crawling around on hands and knees picking up rubbish only to have a platefull of food thrown all over it, and feeling trapped through lack of 'work' experience and expensive childcare = slavery. If you don't understand this - 'get a grip'.

The thing is OP, yes, he may well still patronise you, BUT, I do think that a job would be good for you in that you would get some balance in your life.
I needed to work, as I am so not cut out for sahm-hood. That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Right now, I think you both need to calm things down, and then have a reasoned discussion about you working part time for your own sanity.
Obvs, if you do this, some things will need to change for both of you. You have to support each other, not compete (she says as a die-hard lone parent who know fuck all about being in a couple with kids ).

Ok, ok, OP, we get it, it's HARD. Most of us have been there. But you are not engaging with anyone who suggests that it might be hard for your DH too or that there are other solutions - if this is how your conversations with your DH go then you may well be right that you are fucked.

I don't think a job is the answer - as he will claim that his is harder.

Op I really feel for you- my four are 13m, 2.5, 4 & 5. Only one in school.

Yes I do feel fed up most evenings. It really is never ending and tiring.

Came to a head recently with dh when I said I have got to go back to work so he eventually agreed to that & I'm going to do some supply teaching.

Although its going to be with more children it will be great for me & I cannot wait.

I agree with posters saying yabu to get him to go to the shop every night with them.

meglet is right with the running suggestion I also literally run away sometimes!

How about signing up for a course once a week? A longer break and some mental stimulation all in one go.