Would you judge us as parents if your child got a crap birthday present at a party?

[M0naLisa]

Me and DH are skint. Our two boys have a party invitation each for Sunday. Only handed out on Monday this week.
6yr old Is going to a day out with birthday boys parents on the morning with other kids in ds class.
4yr old is going to a local scout hut in the afternoon

We are skint. Would you judge us as parents if we gave a box of Maltesers as presents?

It's all we can afford at the moment. I just don't want the parents thinking were cheap skates :-(

[chicaguapa]

In all honesty if DS got a box of Maltesers for a party present I would realise that the sender was skint and would be touched that they'd still bought DS a present. And I would feel guilty that the sender had felt obliged to do that.

DS would also think it was ace to have a whole box to himself.

[TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller]

When my ds1 turned 4 he got a range of party presents from a ?15 remote control car to some expensive looking hardback books, to a plastic sandwich box with Lightning McQueen on it that I know was ?1 because I saw it in Aldi a few days later - his favourite present... the sandwich box of course. That friend's mum actually knew what ds1 liked, and thought about the present so the amount spent was utterly irrelevant to ds1 :)

[Bez00]

You would be out the door with kids parties, though. I was at one with my four year old recently. I brought along a Imaginext Batman yoke, I doubt the parents would know who brought what, the gift was descended on by a host of 4 year olds and the paper wripped off with speed you normally associate with piranha attacking.
I think that the suggestion about the loot box is great, kids love that kind of thing, and by adding a small toy or colours to your shopping each week, you could have a good stash for unplanned parties.

[soimpressed]

Maltesers would be better than something from the pound shop and my ds would be just as pleased with that as anything.

[TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller]

I agree Maltesers are fine btw and better than plastic crap that needs to be found a home and ends up getting stepped on :)

[Dancergirl]

Oh, and I think it's just as rude to describe a gift as 'plastic crap'. That plastic crap could have been carefully chosen or all that person could afford.

[TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller]

Not rude to describe it that way on an anonymous forum and speaking in generalities Dancer - rude if said about a specific present your child has actually received, yes. I meant given a budget of a pound a box of maltesers is probably better than flimsy poor quality plastic toy of the same monetary value. However carefully chosen plastic item bought with the recipient child's likes in mind can indeed be a good present. Random stockpiled plastic toy ncan be bought with no thought other than "this'll do for somebody or other" though and in that case can be crap though, that is hard to deny I think...

[TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller]

oops sorry for excessive number of "though"s

[TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller]

btw naice middle class present of a book or other educational item can also be a bit crap when the present is all about how the giver's parent wishes to be perceived ("Oh I always buy books") and utterly irrelevant to the interest/ age of the recipient. It is usually obvious which presents have involved thought, and that is much more important than budget.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Never realised it was such a mindfield before re party presents. DS goes to a small school though so not many parties throughtout the year especially as he's getting older.

I buy decent presents in the sale and store them should we get a invitation close to the date, things like crayola sets and board games that dont date. DS loves to choose himself if we have time and we have no set budget as such but go based on what the child would like.

I'd have gone with a book or crayons over chocolate but only as it looks like more effort has gone into the present. I tend not to buy chocolate on its own but to add to a present.

[waltermittymissus]

Yeah I'm not thrilled about all this plastic tat talk.

One the one hand you're talking about lack of finances and on the other, slagging off presents that are probably all someone can afford!

In saying that, I had a party for ds6 yesterday and I struggled to keep up with who gave what! The piranha metaphor is very apt!

Some gave lots, others gave less but some of the less expensive stuff was definitely well thought out as they were relevant to DS.

Either way, I was delighted that his friends came and nothing else mattered! One little girl came whose mummy forgot her card. I don't know if that was an 'excuse' or not but it made not one bit of difference because I was just glad he wasn't sitting in an empty hall!

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Meanwhile the kids haven't actually noticed or don't give a monkeys anyway. In my day I got socks from
One family member and we were perfectly happy. Far far far to much thought is going into how the parents r going to judge. Theres no need to al be trhing to out do eachother. Seriously it's a six year olds birthday, probably be falling out next week, they r kids. Y the worry?

It's like the Harry Enfield sketch. " considerably richer than yoouuuu"

[BumBiscuits]

Kids don't care, they just want their pals at their party.

Those who have kids that have been on the receiving end of expensive gifts need to remember that the may be regifts or bought in the sales.

DD has been invited to a party next week and the gift has cost me £5. It was originally £20 but in the Boots 75% off sale.

[Thingiebob]

I would hate, hate, HATE the idea that a friend of my DD didn't come to her party because the parent couldn't afford a present.

I don't think presents are compulsory. it's lovely of course but my DD has her birthday presents on her birthday.

I now I've already said this but a box of maltesers is a great present for my DD. She would yum them up. I think OP, you will find that most decent people will not bat an eyelid at a child turning up with chocolates, or an inexpensive gift.

[Dancergirl]

But apart from the money, the birthday child might actually LIKE that flimsy, poorly made toy from the pound shop.

It doesn't matter if you only voice your opinion on a public forum and not to the person's face, it doesn't make it ok; thinking about someone's gift as 'crap' is horrible imo.

theukgrinch you shouldn't 'rank' presents into what's 'better'.

[BumBiscuits]

It's not what the parents think about the gift that matters. I've never known either of my kids to turn up their nose at any present while attacking the pile after their parties.

For DD1's 5th birthday, one mum had taped a £5 to a gift, a jigsaw or game. I thought how odd, but nice all the same. The gift obviously came in below her usual gift budget. now I'm worried I'm seen as the type to be a judgey-pants about party gifts

[zignzag]

People are just snobby by saying plastic tat or whatever from pound shop..... Really silly attitude. There are plenty of decent presents to be got in pound shops, that are not tat. As I said before I would stay away from obviously flimsy gifts but the usual books, crayons, colouring books, character breakfast sets, footballs, dress up items, playdoh, paint set, zoo animal set, farm animal set, craft set...... All of these are not breakable and can be bought cheaply. I always have a few bits in the house that I can add to or make up a gift if needed or if visiting friends etc. at least if op bought a few bits over next few weeks she would have something to add to her now famous box of malteasers for future parties If the child is asked to future parties after the skimpy and thoughtless present produced at this one

What gets me is the op has 2 gifts in house to give, she also referred to said box of malteasers as crap in the title!!!

[lljkk]

At least the Maltesers will be appreciated. DS was a HUGE Ben10 fan, but went off it 4 weeks before his big birthday party. Half the stuff he got was Ben10 (sigh). Somebody in our house would have eaten the Maltesers, for sure.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Crossing it out doesn't make it any less unkind, zig.

OP has also said that another MNer has offered to do some beading for her to go with the Malteasers.

As an aside, presents don't get opened at parties where I am, they get taken home and opened later. This means I can make a list for thank you notes and means the whole time at the party is for, err, partying.

[5madthings]

zig are you seriously suggesting that a child wouldn't be invited back to another party if they gave maltesers as a gift?! Fucking hell I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who had that attitude!

My kids would love the maltesers especially the ones that come in a box as they would play with the box afterwards and use it for their 'treasures'. And what makes it a thoughtless gift?!

[5madthings]

doctrine presents opened at home after the party here as well, much easier and I can keep note and send a thank you :)

[zignzag]

No not saying a kid would not be invited to parties, kinda tongue in cheek, but I do feel the gift is shite. Anyway it's not life or death.....

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

yanbu, bloody love malteasers, tho if you have a pound shop ours is selling sone fab stuff at the mo, sponge bob activity packs, angry birds stuff, hardback famous five books etc.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

What Maryz said.

M0na, I hope your DCs enjoyed the parties this afternoon!