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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you judge us as parents if your child got a crap birthday present at a party?

414 replies

M0naLisa · 18/01/2013 10:06

Me and DH are skint. Our two boys have a party invitation each for Sunday. Only handed out on Monday this week.
6yr old Is going to a day out with birthday boys parents on the morning with other kids in ds class.
4yr old is going to a local scout hut in the afternoon

We are skint. Would you judge us as parents if we gave a box of Maltesers as presents?

It's all we can afford at the moment. I just don't want the parents thinking were cheap skates :-(

OP posts:
elizaregina · 19/01/2013 16:30

I am sad for children who grow up learning that the cost of the pressie they bring is more important than the joy they bring by just being there for their friend.

exactly

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/01/2013 16:30

I have to say, the day my child comments in how much a gift did or didn't cost would be the day I vow never ever to throw a party again!! Id be ashamed that I'd raised such a spoilt brat!

And as for picking at families who r well off and still buying cheap presents? Well do u think they came to be well off but spending ridiculous amounts of money on kids they have never even met and know full well they probably won't still be friends next year given that primary age children switch friends more often than socks?

30 in a class at least 10 parties a year maybe more even at £10 a present that's still £100 a year on strangers children!

A kid can't have a party without friends being there and their parents aren't here to house our children with toys!

Go, have your dc enjoy the party :)

mumzy · 19/01/2013 16:33

My dcs would want their friends to come to their party which is the main point. I/They wouldn't care what the present was and a box of maltesers sounds fab.

charlottehere · 19/01/2013 16:39

YANBU. Anybody that judges you is being unfair and erm, judgy. I have had children at DDs parties who havent given a present at all and thats ok with us.

elizaregina · 19/01/2013 17:09

yes can you imagine sorry mini eliza

no party for you we had to cancel because your friends parents coulndt bring you good enough gifts...

soz darling.

angel1976 · 19/01/2013 20:49

We are having a build a bear party for DS1's birthday next month. I am driving myself insane as I am separately getting bear t-shirts to personalise for his little friends but I LOVE the idea of their faces when they see the t-shirts I have gotten for the bears personalised with their names. I couldn't give a monkey's about what presents DS1 will get, I prefer to get none (have tried before to word in invite not to bring presents but feel a bit mean as a mum to do that to my child IMO!). The joy they will get out of the party will be priceless. :) Let your sons go and enjoy the parties!

TheYamiOfYawn · 19/01/2013 21:43

A friend gave my daughter a packet of coloured dot stickers one year. They were cheap but brilliant. She had loads more fun with them than with the craft kits/book from a Book People multipack that everyone else gave.

happynewmind · 19/01/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discrete · 19/01/2013 21:53

The absolute best ever birthday present that my ds got was a photo of him which had been pasted onto a collage, cartoon style, of an explorer in the jungle.

Cost exactly nothing in cash terms, but was thoughtful and lovely, showed that the people involved had made an effort and made him happier than any other gift he got.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/01/2013 21:55

happy that's just awful :( I would be so upset that someone declined an invite over a stupid present! :(

FannyBazaar · 19/01/2013 21:56

My 7 yo DS ('Did you know that Father Christmas gave me a giant toblerone') would be delighted. It wasn't a giant toblerone, a large one from the pound shop, but it's the thing he tells everyone about.

I would be delighted as very soon the worry of where to put this present will have vanished.

Also, if I decided to confiscate them and give them away because he's stuffed with chocolate, I need never worry about you asking if he still has the malteasers and still plays with them!

hrrumph · 19/01/2013 21:58

No not at all. The dc will probably be delighted with the present. And usually I'm just grateful guests have turned up. I'd much rather a guest came without a present than didn't turn up or cancelled last minute because they were embarrassed about not giving a present.

hrrumph · 19/01/2013 22:02

Sorry happy - your post only popped up after I'd written that. tbh I'd have probably done the same as you.

These things are very soon forgotten. My dd is 7 now and I have absolutely no say in who comes to the party.

Bez00 · 19/01/2013 22:03

YANBU. It is so soon after Christmas, most kids toyboxes are overflowing. Personally, I would not relish the maltesers, but that is because I would inhale those gorgeous little morsels all by myself!

fuckwittery · 19/01/2013 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckwittery · 19/01/2013 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zignzag · 19/01/2013 22:18

I think you could make more of an effort....

A football

A colouring book

A pack of toy animals

Some playdoh

A nice book

Obviously a gift should not be about the money spent but it should be about the thought put into it....

I believe there is a lack of thought in this case, no effort.

whatagreatname · 19/01/2013 22:38

My ds was given a box of maltesers by a friend for his 11th birthday and was delighted.

scottishmummy · 19/01/2013 22:40

go to poundstretchers,bargaintastic
get bits and bobs like bubbles,pencils,toy cars
can you make some biscuits,or chocolate rice krispie cakes

FriggFRIGGisPoorlySick · 19/01/2013 22:59

My DD would love to be given a box of 'grown up' chocolates like maltesers....I think it is a far better present than a cheap colouring book or a football,simply because it is a bit different.

I work in a toy shop,some parents spend £30 on birthday party presents,some spend £2,some put a lot of thought into them,and some just grab the nearest toy.
Personally,I love it when the parents allow the DC to decide what to give their friends,and that's what we do with DD,she chooses her friends presents (within a budget!) after all,they are her friends!

So,if perhaps you were nervous about being judged for your (awesome Wink ) present,you could say that the DC choose it...

threesocksmorgan · 19/01/2013 23:04

no one needs to not go to a party because they are skint.
but tbh I would not have wanted ever of my kids to get maltesas.
but a £1 buy from the £1 shop would have been great.

scottishmummy · 19/01/2013 23:11

sadly some conspicuously out there types do judge,and throw extravagant parties
you find your own level.I got sucked in once.really surprised myself,but I did the children entertainer,hired hall,extravagant decor, party bag stuffed with expensive tat. felt really stupid,cost a fortune.
and in all honesty it was wag parental doing what others do pressure, no one fault except mine. I succumbed to thinking was the expected to do thing

upshot is, i did the big party showy party once only
it really doesn't matter
and to those whom it does matter, well they're tits

slad · 19/01/2013 23:18

I wouldn't judge for sure.

Pound shop might be just the place you need.

foreverondiet · 19/01/2013 23:48

My kids would much prefer a box of maltesers than some plastic bit of tat that breaks straightaway, or if doesn't break is something else to store.

TBH I think it would be fine not to bring a present at all. I'd just think the parents didn't have time due to late invite.

Original poster
M0naLisa · 20/01/2013 01:03

Pound shop not doable because my nearest one is 20 miles away. When I say skint I mean on the bones of our arse. I have approx £1 till Monday.
We have food gas leccy nappies wipes baby milk and cows milk.
Then these invitations threw me as I didn't have the cash.

I asked ds1(6) if he got a box of Maltesers for his birthday from his friend what would he say? And he said 'a full box to myself?' So I said 'yes' and he had a big smile and said 'aaacccceeeee'

So I think I could use the ds chose the preset Wink

As for buying a football the kid whos party ds1 is going to will have many of footballs as he and ds and a group of others are in the football group at school and also do football on a weekend so it would be a wasteful present

OP posts: