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Original poster

Would you judge us as parents if your child got a crap birthday present at a party?

414 replies

M0naLisa · 18/01/2013 10:06

Me and DH are skint. Our two boys have a party invitation each for Sunday. Only handed out on Monday this week.
6yr old Is going to a day out with birthday boys parents on the morning with other kids in ds class.
4yr old is going to a local scout hut in the afternoon

We are skint. Would you judge us as parents if we gave a box of Maltesers as presents?

It's all we can afford at the moment. I just don't want the parents thinking were cheap skates :-(

OP posts:
pointythings · 18/01/2013 18:17

My DDs have been given Malteser-type chocolates by their friends and they have loved them. It isn't about the present at all.

Bobyan · 18/01/2013 18:25

Agrees with Novice

charitymum · 18/01/2013 18:27

No I'd judge people who judged you!

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 18/01/2013 18:37

I have canvassed my boys opinions and all 5 said with no hesitation that they would love a box of malteasers! Especially if they didn't have to share them!

I would never judge anyone on what they bought, the kids are there to have fun with my kids.

We don't have much money and I've bought books on special offer or really cheap Lego sets.

The last party DS5 went to they asked for money(only when asked by parents what the child wanted, they didn't demand it on the invite!) - I wasn't too sure about it but I guess it saves on them getting stuff they already have/don't want and it takes the stress out for me having to decide what to buy!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 18/01/2013 18:46

Mine would love makteasers!

By the By, many of us on this thread, me included, have said we'd love it if our DCs could have parties without getting such a lot of stuff - if so many of us feel this way, how can we change the world? Grin

herladyship · 18/01/2013 18:48

Maltesers as a present = fine Smile

DD's favourite Christmas present was from a school friend. It was a picture of them together with a homemade cardboard surround. Her friend had written lovely things about DD all around the picture, I nearly cried!

BoffinMum · 18/01/2013 18:52

I think Maltesers would be fine, but you can even do it cheaper than that with forward planning. Do stock up at the pound shop as children love the stuff in there. Debenhams have potential presents for around £3 in their Blue Cross Sale (free delivery) and The Book People often have books for £1-£2, and if you order a few, and go onto chat, they sometimes give you a free delivery code even if you are not quite at the threshold. They have sets of books for about £10 that you can split to make 10 presents as well. Regifting is also fine if your own children get duplicate presents. If you buy packs of blank cards, kids can design their own for their friends - that often goes down well.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 18/01/2013 18:54

What use is paying for food and a venue and a party outfit if no one shows up for fear of being judged by the present!! Bloody miserable party that would be!!!

stealthsquiggle · 18/01/2013 18:55

I have, on occasion, asked parents if there is something their DC wants as a combined present from party guests - one child, 3rd boy in the family, so they had a load of every obvious toy going, turned out to want a football goal more than anything ever. A few emails later, lots of relieved parents had stopped worrying about what to get him, and he got to gloat to his big brothers about what his friends had bought him Grin

sparkle12mar08 · 18/01/2013 19:02

Book People currently have a 10 pack of the Steve Cole 'Astrosaurs' books for just £7.99, which would be perfect to split into 1's and 2's for boys 6-8 years age band.

I also scour my local charity shops every couple of weeks and have often picked up new and mint cindition books for 30p, 50p, 70p etc. I once got two dvd/book combo's for 50p each - cover prices £8.99! I've also bought the Roald Dahl, Horrid Henry, Beast Quest etc packs from the book retailers - usually work out at less than £2 a book. I hate spending more than £5 and try for £2 if I possibly can.

As for receiving gifts, I couldn't give a monkeys what people bring, I really couldn't - I just want their company for the dc. Books or colouring/crafty type stuff would be my favourite gifts as I hate plastic tat, but the dc love it - so if it has to be plastic please do make it pound shop stuff - at least then I won't feel guilty about chucking it when they lose interest after a month or so.

fourfingerkitkat · 18/01/2013 19:04

Venus - completely off topic and feel free to tell me to mind my own (but you did mention it) where does your Mum come from ? Just wondering why your opinion differs so greatly from 99% of folk on this thread. Tell me to stop being so bloody nosey, I wont' be offended Grin

My DS is invited to his best "nursery" friend's party in a fortnight and I've already been worrying about the present....What shite times we live in. DS has also been asking why he's not having a party (will be 5 in Feb) but we honestly can't afford it. We'll be having a nice wee family day out somewhere, probably with his Gran and Grandad. When we do start having parties for the kids I'll be stating on the invites to bring boxes of Maltesers only - no other presents !

christmashope · 18/01/2013 19:04

Mona I haven't read all of the thread but I do keep a cupboard full of small gifts/presents that I have picked up in the sales or some duplicate toys that I have been given, if you message me your address I would be more than happy to send a couple of gifts on to you.
For the record I love maltesers and am 99% sure that most kids do too!

PureQuintessence · 18/01/2013 19:09

Our local toyshop sells Top trump cards for 50p. Maybe you could have a look in the pocket money section of local toyshops?

I would not judge the present, no, whether Maltesers or top trumps, or whatever..

fourfingerkitkat · 18/01/2013 19:10

christmashope...your post just made me all warm and fuzzy inside...(smile)...Must check the calendar to make sure I'm not late...been getting very emotional lately !

fourfingerkitkat · 18/01/2013 19:11

Smile even..

christmashope · 18/01/2013 19:12

Awe kitkat thanks but not an empty offer, I could get to the post office tomorrow and send 1st class. Xx

TrinityRhino · 18/01/2013 19:12

Maltesers are not a crap present

I would not give a single thought about it if your child gave that to mine at a party

my child wants to have you there, the present is an bonus Smile

maxmillie · 18/01/2013 19:13

Crap - yes (eg inappropriate, obvuously regifted, last minute, little thought out in

Cheap - no

Some of my ds favourite birthday presents have been the plastic spuderman, batman the figures you can get in tesco for about £4, would that so it?

biff23 · 18/01/2013 19:19

Definitely not and anyone who does is a git. Birthday party invites are given out so the child can share their special day with their friends, having loads of fun. It's not about getting expensive presents. In fact my son received £20 from a school friend and it made me feel really awkward and uncomfortable, was a ridiculous amount in my opinion, I would have preferred the sweets tbh.

Oh and I just asked the kids what they would think if they received a box of maltesers from a friend at their party - they thought it was 'awesome' Smile .

MaryPoppinsBag · 18/01/2013 19:20

No, I threw a party for DS 7 and one of his friends was dropped off by grandad and he said he'd forgotten the card.

I was not a bit bothered as I think things are tight for the family. DS was none the wiser and his friend had a lovely time.

I'd prefer their presence rather than presents!

MaryPoppinsBag · 18/01/2013 19:22

Gosh £20 is a lot!
Luckily the budget for our school is £5!

NcNcNcNc · 18/01/2013 19:34

round here people tend to buy gifts that cost around £10. I always shop in the sales/tk maxx/3 for 2 etc and spend £10 but the gift 'value' (RRP) is probably around £20/£30.

I thought I was doing a nice thing as giving the child 'more' for their alloted money iyswim, but maybe I've just been putting pressure on other parents who don't realise I've bought them in a sale [worried]

fallon8 · 18/01/2013 19:36

Venus,love,,you are "new money". If you want to be part of us "old money" or "any money",one thing you must learn,,you don't judge people by what they are in the material sense,,you take people for what them.if you had sent my kids a request for " vouchers". I would have deliberately done the opposite

fallon8 · 18/01/2013 19:38

Mary poppins.....and that had to include the wrapping and card!!!

KindleMum · 18/01/2013 19:54

I just posted on the wrong birthday thread as I got confused between the 3! The Venus idea that your child has to justify its place is offensive to me but it's occured to me that I do teach the kids that if they have a birthday party then they have to invite the kids whose parties they've been to.

DS sometimes get invites from kids he doesn't like but usually wants to go to the party anyway. I always remind him that he will have to invite them when it's his turn. Makes him think a bit. Am I out of touch or is that generally the norm?