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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 08:06

This didn't fill up overnight? Hoping for an after lunch next episode update. Hopefully both sobs will hand the op a grip. Unlikely though because that makes for poor drama

diddl · 17/01/2013 08:06

Thank you LondonKitty

flow4 · 17/01/2013 08:08

Seriously tho French, you are a hair's breadth (or perhaps a lunch) away from only seeing your grandson for a couple of hours each Christmas.

Think about that.

If it's not what you want, you are going to have to be pleasant to your DIL, not just tolerate her.

MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 08:10

5mad. Caffeine. Lots of it. And you can't have my matchsticks, I need them.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 08:10

The summary is its all rather mad but amusing.

Mil wants it all her own way and is not happy that son and dil are saying no and they have a dog that mil really does NOT like. She doesnt like theid nursery furniture either as it was far too cheap at £1200!! And dil is cleary not good enough as she doesnt cook. The mil told her son not to marry her and then she didnt get to attend the wedding..

There is another son who.has a perfect girlfriend who looks after him and is traditional and doesnt have views on things like politics and the royal.family like dil.

Mil is going to talk to her son to decide what to do bitch to him about his wife if this is true it wont end well.

diddl · 17/01/2013 08:11

So if this is a wind up by a regular-just why??

Why would someone do that??

Glad I didn´t read it all or give a heartfelt response if that is the case.

extracrunchy · 17/01/2013 08:11

Frenchspeak, you sound like an absolute nightmare.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 08:11

Caffeine yes i need caffeine..

halfthesize · 17/01/2013 08:13

caffeine is required, can't believe first thing I did was check this thread to see if OP had confessed wind upWink

LondonKitty · 17/01/2013 08:14

You are very welcome diddl... It was very kind of Tortoiseonthehalfshell to facilitate speedier reading. In the wee hours of the morning I also found myself unable to plough through such an opus. I tried to cheat and read the end, but too much had happened. I was clutching my Duvet wildly thinking 'dog? There's a dog? And a rug?'. It was anguish for a while...

Pendipidy · 17/01/2013 08:17

This is a wind up, surely.

DoodlesNoodles · 17/01/2013 08:18

So everyone is calling troll and all MN towers has to say about it is a 'goodness' last night at midnight. A couple of nasty posts have been deleted but MNHQ has nothing more to say about it. Very, very odd.

All of the troll hunting messages have been left to stand.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 08:21

Posts have beem deleted? I thought tbh that it was fairly good humoured and yes posters were direct and piss taking but its fairly tame really so hence no deletion?

extracrunchy · 17/01/2013 08:21

I've just read some more. Seriously - what is wrong with you?!

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 17/01/2013 08:22

I firstly admit to not reading the entire thread, too long, will leaf through it later.
Yabu, vu and it's no wonder the dil is getting fed upConfused
Put yourself in her shoes, have a good think about how you would have felt as a new mum.

She has enough on her plate with a very new baby, without you blasting in with not only your husband (fair enough), but your son & his gf too-why bring them?

The party-WHY, it's too much, just too much, way too much for a new mother and even worse if shes bf!
A party this early on would be too overwhelming to any new mum, new or old hat.

It sounds like it's all about you and what you want and because dil is saying "no", you are stamping your feet like a petulant child.

Take a step back, by all means visit, buy baby things etc, but ask first and don't invite the whole family!
It's sounds as like you are too full on, and invading dils space.

Take my advice or you will drive her and your son away.

NorthernLurker · 17/01/2013 08:23

Must be Justine on a drunken rampage. Olivia probably had to call in help to stage an intervention and now they're invoking the Plan B - which involves lawyers and surgical removal of her keyboard.......we're heading in to a brave new world people! Grin

QuietNinjaTardis · 17/01/2013 08:23

Ok I read the first half of the thread and was gonna post something vaguely sensible even tough op is clearly deranged but having finished most of the thread and seen ops further posts all I'm gonna say now is Biscuit and own up.

DoodlesNoodles · 17/01/2013 08:29

5madthings I saw te deleted posts and they were not nice in my opinion, even on a jokey thread. It is odd how none of the troll hunting posts like mine have gone though.

Maybe, MNHQ have been too busy with the 'Asian' thread which has a different, umm, err feel to it.

RubyGates · 17/01/2013 08:29

Hully, is that you?

Drizzleit · 17/01/2013 08:31

Brilliant! Just finished reading the whole thread , loved the stuff about the dog. Glad he doesn't smell. Always something positive to focus on! Hopefully what your made up son loves about her is that she's as different to you as he could find?

thegreylady · 17/01/2013 08:32

Whoever it is the addition of the dog is both inspired and a bit of a giveaway :-)

Loislane78 · 17/01/2013 08:33

French - you're the fastest typing MIL I've ever known who continues posts well into the night.... Hmm

5madthings · 17/01/2013 08:43

Oh yes i just scrolled back and two posts have gone. I think maybe as its 'bantering' and lightheartex its bern keft. I did wonder about the troll hunting that i may also have done but maybe we got lucky and mnhq were too busy..

I only read the first two pages of that thread doodles is it worth reading?

5madthings · 17/01/2013 08:44

lois apoarently she works nights under the bridge

DoodlesNoodles · 17/01/2013 08:47

5madthings. The Asian thread is not worth reading. It is unpleasant in places. Sad ( at least this one is funny) Grin

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