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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:24

here here

"Op you have somehow raised an Incredible unselfish son who is doing an amazing job by his wife and daughter. I have no idea how when you come across as an entitled control freak. "

be proud of your son op.

good night.

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:24

Hello and goodnight elizaregina.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 17/01/2013 01:25

No, it is not safe for dogs to be unsupervised around babies, or children for that matter. A dog, properly supervised, as soppy as the one belonging to your son and dil will be fine. But you, in your determination to find fault with your poor dil will refuse to see that.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:25

Because this thread us nearly full, once it gets to 40 pages it becomes locked and wont accept new messages.

'accept her how she is' yes!!!

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:26

Hello MammaTJ. Yes he is supervised.

OP posts:
EverybodyisdeadDave · 17/01/2013 01:30

MIL does not approve

If you do feel the need to talk to dil tomorrow, allow her to have her mother there! She is Post Natal, and will need the support/back up/bodyguard from the sounds of it.

Not sure what birthday meals have to do with anything though

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:31

this is such classis mil thread i do hope it doesnt dissapear or whatever happens to these threads!

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:32

Right really going to.bed now.

Goodnight and i look foward to an update if indeed this is real

FernandoIsFaster · 17/01/2013 01:32

Why are you determined to speak to your DIL? Leave her alone. YOU are the issue so don't waste time speaking to your sons and DIL, spend the time finding a good therapist who may be able to assist with your control freakery.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:33

eliza we can ask for it to be put in classics!

ClayDavis · 17/01/2013 01:35

I'm not sure they'll put it in classics. I think they usually only put threads from chat there so they don't disappear after 90 days

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/01/2013 01:37

I think birthday meals is - you know, the children and the grandchildren rally round and cook lovely meals for their special grandmother, the matriarch of the family.

Which probably would happen if the baby wasn't six sodding weeks old and the OP utterly bonkers

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:38

Really i thought you could nominate any thread? Tho tbh i dont know.

I may save it myself in a document entitled '101 lessons on how not to behave when i am a mil'

Moominsarescary · 17/01/2013 01:40

Bloody hell I was sure this would be deleted before I got to the end!

Leave the poor dog alone and concentrate on making things up with your dil. If I was her I'd be refusing to see.

ClayDavis · 17/01/2013 01:41

I think you can nominate any thread but they won't necessarily move it if its in AIBU. I think Sharon threads are still here not in classics.

Moominsarescary · 17/01/2013 01:42

I'm sure there are other topics in classics, not just from chat

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2013 01:42

Go to bed 5Mad :o

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:44

I am IN bed, the curse of mobile phone technology... Grin i have to be up in less than five hours, i should know better!

MyFace · 17/01/2013 01:45

Can't believe I read the whole of this thread! In Shock I now need a Wine

Never knew my MIL, but I really hope she wasn't anything like you. Believe me I wish MIL was around, our DC could do with more people who love them. If your DIL makes the decision to cut you out of your GD's life due to your attitude, it would be as a last resort.

Hope you can fix your attitude before DG grows up and can sense your hostility towards your DIL.

EchoBitch · 17/01/2013 01:46

Hello Frenchspeak,i don't know what you should do.

Sorry.

Maybe learn another language.

What is Frenchspeak anyway?

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2013 01:56

It's not quite 8 pm here so I can ride this insanity out as long as it lasts. :o

TidyDancer · 17/01/2013 01:59

Oh this is one of the strangest threads I have ever read on here.

OP, I'll admit, I had a bit of sympathy for you in the beginning. Not because you were being treated unfairly (because you weren't and aren't) but because it's obvious that you're upset about this.

Assuming this is not a wind-up (and I still suspect it might be) you can do one of two things. The first is to continue behaving like a monster-in-law and overstepping the mark at every turn, the result of which will be you will lose contact with you DS and DIL. AND your GC. The second of which is that you modify your behaviour immediately and be supportive, kind and helpful, ensuring that you remain in the lives of these three people.

Your views about the dog are disgusting and you should be ashamed.

(now come on, admit it, who is it on a jolly and making this up? :D)

TidyDancer · 17/01/2013 02:01

And did you really honestly expect your DIL to leave a party without her baby?

Seriously?!

(I do realise you have backtracked about the party btw, I have read your responses on that issue)

AlphaAndEcho · 17/01/2013 02:09

Have just spent well over an hour reading this and now need to Mark my place I need to know what happens at lunchtime . Op I think your dil sounds like a saint and your ds sounds like a wonderful husband . You on the other hand ... Hmm

Honestly I think you have disliked your dil from the get go and no matter what she does you have formed your opinion and nothing will ever be good enough . I hope I'm wrong for the sake of you all .

EmpressOfThePuddle · 17/01/2013 02:10

My money's on Hully. Or possibly Honeydragon.

Other threads can go into Classics. MN The Musical was moved from Chat to Music & then (after a lot of nagging) to Classics, and I think the cleaning thread was moved from Relationships but I'm not certain on that one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread