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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:16

dogs can get crushed at weddings you know....

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:16

Hello Sockreturningpixie. I am going to explain how I feel and that I want things to improve. See if I will be allowed to make amends.

OP posts:
lurkedtoolong · 17/01/2013 01:16

Does your DIL have this poster up on her door?

Smellslikecatspee · 17/01/2013 01:17

Is this a 'who/what can get a thread to 1000 posts' thread?

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:17

Hello HelenLynn. I am indeed awake. On nights if you must be aware of the reasoning.

OP posts:
elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:17

bless you if thats true but not one thing on here all night has given anyone any indication that you feel sincerely that way.

ClayDavis · 17/01/2013 01:18

I think you need to offer some examples of how you are going to make amends. So he knows you're genuine about it.

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:19

Hello elizaregina. I do mean it. It is difficult because I feel very emotional about it. But I am taking into account peoples suggestions and advice.

OP posts:
PickledApples · 17/01/2013 01:19

Pretty sure that dog is trained to wrestle on demand OP. It's only in the middle of the room keeping an eye on you.

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:19

yes!! make amends with the DIl who is shy, who she wished never married her son, who at least does iron for him, who made him get a huge hairy wolf hound dog that she allows to sit - on a rug!!!! blah blah blah! oh yes and who has very different views on the royal family

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:19

Hello ClayDavis. I am going to change. Get things to how they should be. Accept her how she is.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2013 01:20

Can you explain what exactly you mean by improve, because it could really o both ways.

One you admit you mucked up and won't again

Two you try to bully him not improving the suituation with regards to what you want.

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:20

Hello PickledApples. No he only playfights with my son and d-i-l.

Hello elizaregina. You may not believe but I will try.

OP posts:
Alligatorpie · 17/01/2013 01:21

Lurked - that picture is hilarious!

EverybodyisdeadDave · 17/01/2013 01:21

Better late than never eh!?

Although I am sure she knows she is not the Favoured DIL.......and that you cant see any reason why her son would love her?

If you were my MIL, you would not get in the door tbh.

But luckily, my MIL is a sane and reasonable person.

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:21

Hello Sockreturningpixie. Put things right, adapt to the situation. I thought it would be my turn to be the grandmother, people planning my birthday meals etc.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2013 01:22

I ment in to as opposed to not

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:22

Well my tips are

Apologise. Stop with the criticism, esp about the dog, even if you dont say anything i bet they know what you think!

Give your dil some space, praise her oarenting. Make sure she feels supported and welcome.

Cooking is a good idea.

Do update us, tho you may need to start a new thread :)

MaBumble · 17/01/2013 01:22

Headfirst, I don't have a dog any more (he went to the big doggy heaven in the sky a few years ago. Totally bonkers dog. I do miss him), but we do have cats. My substitute babies now my sons are all grown up and happily leading their own lives.

How about you try that French? - get some cats, lovely, pretty, cuddly and they can't tell you to 'do one'. They also take very nice pictures.

(I also think this is a wind up)

cjdamoo · 17/01/2013 01:22

Op you have somehow raised an Incredible unselfish son who is doing an amazing job by his wife and daughter. I have no idea how when you come across as an entitled control freak.

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:22

Accept her how she is

how gracious of you!

unfortunalty i think your going to have your work cut out - for dil to try and accept you., you really havant painted a very nice pic of yourself on here.
you have been like a compelling hard robot - we are all throwing ourselves at the rock face, trying to work out this maddness....

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:23

Hello 5madthings. Why a new thread?

OP posts:
ihavenonameonhere · 17/01/2013 01:23

this is a joke, it has to be, no other way.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2013 01:23

Ok I got the first bit of that and its commendable, but what have birthday meals got to do with it?

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:23

Hello cjdamoo. He is a wonderful person.

OP posts: