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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 01:08

I agree tortoise. Its a shame she won't be part of their lives to see it really.

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:08

Hello MrsHoarder. After numerous chats, they got married without us there.

OP posts:
elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:08

you havant explained why you dont like dogs op,

i am guessing its because they are ...dirty....

do you even like the rug>

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 01:08

So basically French, your ds and "d-i-l" like the dog more than you? Don't you get a turn on the rug?

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 01:09

Haha! Crosspost. Was the wolf at the wedding?

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:09

Yes the son sounds a good man i agree, i feel for him tbh.

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:09

Hello elizaregina. The rug is actually quite nice.

OP posts:
5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:10

Ahhh that explains a lot...

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:10

Hello HeadfirstForHalos. No the dog was not at the wedding.

OP posts:
elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:11

is it clean though> was it new >

is the dog making the rug and everything else - dirty?

MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 01:11

Brilliant. So you made yourself unwelcome at the wedding and then you wonder why your DiL has issues with you handling her nb child? I'm increasingly amazed they let you in the house

Maybe they feel sorry for you living under a bridge

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 01:12

oh but if the dog was such a king - why wasnt he ring bearer at the wedding>?

or did someone fall over and crush him>

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:12

Hello elizaregina. Yes it was new, the dog doesn't make it dirty. He's not too smelly. Just like most dogs smell wise.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/01/2013 01:12

They got married without you there? It does indeed sound as if they took on board what you were saying, and acted accordingly. Well done for helping them to get started on the correct marital road.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:12

Shame it would havd made for lovely photos i am sure! Oih do they have any if the wolfdog and the baby together? I bet they are very cute!

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:13

Hello elizaregina. No he was not crushed. I would not be cruel to him. He stayed with her parents when they went on honeymoon.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 01:13

Aww, shame!

MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 01:13

How would you crush the dog if you weren't there?

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:14

Hello again 5madthings. Not yet they haven't. Probably only a matter of time though. No photos of me or my husband. Or of our other son.

OP posts:
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:14

Hello MrsHoarder. It was suggested regarding the dog being crushed. I said that is cruel.

OP posts:
5madthings · 17/01/2013 01:15

Well i am sure you will get pictures if you back off a bit.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2013 01:15

Still wondering what on earth your going to say at lunch time

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 01:15

Hello 5madthings. We shall have to wait and see. I don't want to cause an argument over that.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 01:16

Goodnight Frenchspeak. Please update us tomorrow after your chat with your son. You may need a new thread to do it though! and please don't delete this Olivia Mumsnet

HelenLynn · 17/01/2013 01:16

OP, no way is your traditional, sewing, baking MiL character up on t'Internet at twelve minutes past one in the morning. It's like in le Carré - you need to live your cover. Take her to bed; she'll need her sleep in order to have her wits about her with that inconvenient DiL tomorrow.