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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
TuftyFinch · 17/01/2013 00:40

Bobyan, the dig swimming with the baby would be a winner for sure.

DoodlesNoodles · 17/01/2013 00:40

I think it would help us paint a picture of your family dynamics if you told us how your DS's and DIL's wedding went? Did it run smoothly, with no arguments or ill feelings? ....... Or were there some issues. That you would like to tell us about.

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 17/01/2013 00:40

I think it should be pointed out that the OP doesn't get sarcasm. She thinks we are agreeing with her.

Loislane78 · 17/01/2013 00:41

*your

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:41

Hello merrymouse. The dogs bed is even in the living room. D-i-l thinks this is better than kitchen as he has company and doesn't hang around waiting for food like if he lived in the kitchen. My son didn't agree with that but siad they would give it a trial. Been that way ever since. Everytime we get to the house, he comes to the door with whoever answers.

OP posts:
5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:41

bobyan i really hope she doesnt, if she does i pity the poor woman.

halfthesize · 17/01/2013 00:42

god please someone stop me reading thisConfused will need a Wine. and some popcorn soonWink

Bobyan · 17/01/2013 00:42

But would the dog have to wear a nappy in the water in case it pooped near the baby?

LittleBearPad · 17/01/2013 00:42

This is weirdly compelling. Really hope it isn't true as I feel sorry for the DIL

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 00:42

French why do you dislike dogs so?

Are they " dreckig" ?

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:42

doodles Grin

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:43

Hello DoodlesNoodles. They had a registry office wedding.

OP posts:
Helium123 · 17/01/2013 00:43

This is ridiculous nit picking on non-issues OP. perhaps your son wanted a dog and likes dogs.... Especially as you never had one!

Why don't you try to deal with yourself as the issue?

People on here are giving you clear, sane advice. Please take it.

Your role isn't to ruin your granddaughters family unit, do you think she would thank you for it? Just because you no longer control your son and your dil doesnt conform to your ridiculous demands doesn't mean you have to throw your dummy out and act so appallingly.

FiercePanda · 17/01/2013 00:43

French,

LEAVE YOUR SON, HIS WIFE, AND THEIR BABY ALONE.

Getting your other son involved in this drama that exists entirely in your own head will only cause a fight and YOU will lose. Your son will always side with his wife and child, always.

They are in charge of their lives and the life of their daughter. Not you. You are extended family, not immediate, and you need to back off.

Your DIL has every right to set the conditions of who visits, when they visit, and for how long as well as who holds baby etc. You MUST do as she asks and abide by her wishes - it is not your place to argue.

Leave them alone, back off. Get a hobby, some friends. Your sons are adults with their own lives to lead.

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 17/01/2013 00:44

I'm going to try again

Do both sons and DILs know you only help one out?

Why do you think you need to bond with the baby?

Do you think continuing to force the issue with your DIL, especially when she has just had her baby and they are starting a new faze in their little family, is really going to help?

Why do you still believe that anything your son does which doesn't fit with your view of life is his wife's idea? Is he a doormat?

Bobyan · 17/01/2013 00:44

5 we meet again. Shall I book a bunfight for same time tomorrow?

halfthesize · 17/01/2013 00:44

bet that was disappointing for you OP, not a big church wedding..

DumSpiroSpero · 17/01/2013 00:44

D-i-l was stroking dog while had baby

So basically you're jealous because the dog has got nearer the baby than you have?

Seriously I don't particularly like dogs, but the fact that it is a canine and it's big does not guarantee it being dangerous.

My friend has a huge Russian Visla - it's as tall as me when it stands of it's back legs and is the soppiest creature you could wish to meet. I am happier to leave DD round there with the dog because it has been raised alongside my friend's own two children and is used to little people.

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 00:44

"Everytime we get to the house, he comes to the door with whoever answers. "

And you dont like this - why does it matter to you that the dog comes to the door>

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:44

Hello Helium123. I am going to speak with my son at lunch time tomorrow. Then hoping I can see d-i-l in the evening if her mum isn't there.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 17/01/2013 00:44

Is the Christmas appeal still open? Because the op's dil really needs a gift - like a family ticket to far,far away for example.

LadyBeagleEyes · 17/01/2013 00:45

Paragraphs: good
Grammar : good
Subject: utter crap, could do better.
Troll Radar: High
HTH.
Grin

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:45

Hello elizaregina. Like I said, he is treated like a king, always lounging about.

OP posts:
5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:46

I know we should really stop meeting like this bobyan people will think we are in a little gang or even a clique Grin

Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:46

Hello DumSpiroSpero. Of course I am not jealous of the dog.

OP posts:
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