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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:03

Hello BitBewildered. The problem is the dog is like a wolf. Also, I have been married to the same man for many years. We knew it was going to last.

OP posts:
PickledApples · 17/01/2013 00:03

Among all this EverybodyisdeadDave 's name keeps making me shudder and Grin each time I read it in the LoG voice

halfthesize · 17/01/2013 00:04

Right night ladies, will pop back in the morning to see if this is a windup, surely it has to beWink

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:05

You can make things better by not bitching about discussing your dil with your sons!

Back of, aapologise to your dial and move on.

flossy101 · 17/01/2013 00:05

Frenchspeak, the only way to make this better is to BACK OFF.

Leave the other son out if it, he doesn't have a new born and can't put himself in your DILs shoes.

I swear to god, if you were my MIL you wouldn't be seeing GC until you started showing me some respect as its mother.

EverybodyisdeadDave · 17/01/2013 00:05

What does your other son need to talk about to his brother?

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:05

Hello merrymouse. They bought a package for under £1200.

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/01/2013 00:05

So you are all going to visit this poor woman who has just given birth and will be suffering from lackof sleep and hormones bouncing about everywhere, she knows you don't like her and you are going to tell her how shit and selfish she is being with her baby and come up with a solution so you feel better. I hope she tells you to fuck off and I hope your son backs her up. What a nadty piece of work you are.

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2013 00:05

Ugh, my brother is a bit like that regarding my husband. Whenever DH comes up with an idea or does something my brother doesn't agree with, it's obviously down to my hen pecking. Hmm

MNHQ
OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet · 17/01/2013 00:05

goodness

ThedementedPenguin · 17/01/2013 00:05

This is hilarious. Some of the responses are amazing.

Op you are very good.

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:06

Hello again EverybodyisdeadDave. Because my son needs to know it is not only me that feels like this. His brother can help explain.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 17/01/2013 00:06

YANBU...

Only joking, of course.

IamtheZombie · 17/01/2013 00:06

Quite, Olivia.

duffybeatmetoit · 17/01/2013 00:06

Note you say you are going to talk to your sons about what you are going to do about it. Why not your son and dil? What has it got to do with your other son? This is why you are in this situation.

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:06

A package for under £1200!! That fucking loads to spend and I am sure the dog us actually not a wolf so no need to panic, especially as you have said they are responsible and don't leave dog and baby alone.

ThedementedPenguin · 17/01/2013 00:06

Hello Olivia,

You enjoying this wind-up as much as everyone else?

merrymouse · 17/01/2013 00:07

I do not believe that real people send over £1000 on nursery furniture.

englishbreakfast · 17/01/2013 00:08

OP, you have such a poor attitude and are showing a complete lack of respect (and actually quite open dislike) for your DIL. You are coming across as completely insufferable. I feel very sorry for your DIL. I hope they manage to distance themselves from you somehow, you are going to cause nothing but trouble for their family...

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:08

Hello again 5madthings. Of course the dog is not an actual wolf. But he looks like one and is very big. We have never had a dog so I don't know why my son wanted one.

OP posts:
ThedementedPenguin · 17/01/2013 00:08

£1200 holy moly.

I spent £30 on a second hand cot bed. I think I spent no more than £250 on all my baby stuff.

If I was your DIL you would have a fit

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:08

No your son does not need to k ow how you feel. You need to apologize and back off.

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 00:08

I really feel quite paranoid that this is MY MIL and she has changed a few details to try and baite me out Hmm! Either that or its the journo or a MN wind up....

We got a dog a while ago and I know that she will be seething about this dog and a baby ( our dog is small)...

we have all FLOCKED to this one like piranha's Grin

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:09

Hello englishbreakfast. I am going to speak to my sons and then hopefully my d-i-l tomorrow. Gets things sorted.

OP posts:
HannahsSister40 · 17/01/2013 00:09

I can't believe anyone could ever be as breathtakingly stupid as the OP.
Or as lacking in self awareness.
If you are real OP, please stop referring to 'my grandchild' as if this is a new fur coat someone has taken from you. This baby might be your grandchild, but her most important relationship is with her Mother and Father. And you have zero rights to contact with that child. Zero. Please remember that when you're acting like a controlling horror.
This is not your child.
You had your chance to be a Mother to babies/children.
That time has gone.
It is entirely up to the good nature of your DIL as to how much contact she has with a negative, critical, overbearing MIL. If I was her, I'd back the hell off and see as little of you as I could manage.
In fact, I've been that DIL.
I told my lovely MIL to get fucked. It was a long time coming. She was controlling, insulting, critical and plain unpleasant. I wouldn't be surprised if she had some sort of personality disorder or mental health issue. I don't care if my MIL has all shades of passive aggressive anger and irrational thoughts about my cutting her off. The point was to put her straight and see her less.
Which I do= Result.

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