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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
ThedementedPenguin · 16/01/2013 23:40

Oh op seriously how many times do you need to be told.

Very amusing though

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:40

I am inordinately chuffed that I have been directly answered twice.

Grin
TuftyFinch · 16/01/2013 23:40

You gave it away!!!

lurkedtoolong · 16/01/2013 23:41

Too far OP. Can't decide whether I should congratulate you on a game well played or be pissed off that you've wasted my entire night on this when my tax return is due.

5madthings · 16/01/2013 23:41

I have been answered three times (smug)

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:41

Gave it away?

What?
Who?
Why?

rainrainandmorerain · 16/01/2013 23:42

aha - bunfight - yes. very successful.

At least I can go to sleep now!

piprabbit · 16/01/2013 23:42

The baby is just 42 days old and already you are on a fast track to destroying your relationship with your DIL, DSon and their child.

Maintain this level of pressure and I suspect that there will be nothing left of the relationship by the time the baby is 100 days old.

Good luck.

trixymalixy · 16/01/2013 23:42

Thank God, you are not my MiL!

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:43

Shut up 5mad - no one likes a gloater.

Grin
Lilithmoon · 16/01/2013 23:43
Confused
NoWayNoHow · 16/01/2013 23:43

Please someone PM me and put me out of my misery - if the last 4 mornings are anything to go by, DS will be up before 6am and I can't sleep until I know what the hell is going on!!! PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE...

EverybodyisdeadDave · 16/01/2013 23:44

"but it's usually up to me to put my foot down." So, what else have you felt the need to put your foot down about?

"I think it?s unfair for me to be expected to not have an opinion or say on anything" What do you expect an opinion and say about? How baby is fed, when it starts solids,where it sleeps etc? it is not unfair, it is expected and normal. This is not your child. and if by "I have tried talking to my son about it" you mean you have whined about DIL to your son, then Stop, unless you are attempting to cause tension between them at an already vulnerable and stressed time.

No way would I have been up for a load of visits with a newborn baby. From the sounds of it you would be difficult to get rid of once there.

They did not state no visitors, they said 2 at a time, which is reasonable, you acted like a petulant child wanting to bring along your other son and the more favourable preferred DIL.

We went to a family party when Ds was 6 weeks old, was the ils leaving party as they were moving abroad, I had a huge thick jumper on to hide leaking wet patches on my top as i was breastfeeding, kept having to leave the room to bf ds, and he was passed around so much by the family (who I get on with very well and love as my own) that we managed maybe 1 hour before we had to leave due to Ds being over hot and over bothered, and me being quite frankly in a haze of pain and still bleeding.

To expect her to just leave the baby and go home is ridiculous tbh.

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 23:44

Hello again Salmotrutta. Yes, she's not fond of the royal family. My husband often torments her about it. She knows we think otherwise and we like them in our house.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:44

And why am I still up?

I have work tomoz too!

5madthings · 16/01/2013 23:44
Grin

Anyway this is obviously a wind up, u need to get to bed, its been fun.

Play nicely!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/01/2013 23:44

Did she have a terrible time during her pregnancy, OP? Hyperemesis, or anything?

Grapesoda · 16/01/2013 23:44

Why on earth would anyone expect an 8 week old baby and it's mother to spend more than a couple of hours at a large gathering? Seriously!!!!
Obviously you love your family but unless I'm missing something you're not been kept away from your grandchild.
Blush now in case this is a wind up and I've been taken in.

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:45

Hah! That's three replies.

It's a draw 5mad!

Right, I really have to go to bed ...

halfthesize · 16/01/2013 23:45

I need sleep, please put us out of our miseryConfused

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:46

Nowt like tormenting FIL ...

Salmotrutta · 16/01/2013 23:47

a tormenting FIL ...

ledkr · 16/01/2013 23:47

I think you will find I had more girls!
Fess up then hully

5madthings · 16/01/2013 23:47

Ha ha!

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 23:47

Hello EverybodyisdeadDave. I didn't think they should be getting engaged, moving in together so soon. I talked about this with my son who told her. This obviously did not go down very well. Also, regarding the furniture they bought for my grandchilds bedroom.

OP posts: