To ask your opinion? Re Children and seating.

[MeganScarlett]

My mum lives by herself in a smallish flat, and for her birthday always has the family over for tea and cake. My mum has four children and each of them has between 2-3 children and now some of them have their own children. So although we're not a large family it can get quite crowded when everyone is there.

The tea and cakes is always served in the dining room which is where all the adults sit and the younger children usually play in the living room. The youngest are between 4-9.

My niece and nephew were sat at the dining room table, they are both aged 17 and 15 and were the first to arrive with my sister. When others started arriving it was made clear by some that they should give up their seats for the adults and be made to sit in the living room with the younger children. I'm in my early 20s and made to feel sometimes that I am not adult enough to be sat with the older adults.

Should they have given up their seats for the older adults?

I'm really of the opinion that they shouldn't have, but others in the family would clearly disagree.

So again, why don't the parents sit and babysit their own kids??? Or is that too much to ask.

FFS. Tilting room? Wtf is that. SITTING room.

And if someone asked me to leave the room because they didn't want me to be included in the conversation I would tell them no. They are being bloody rude and they could leave the room, not me.

My kids don't need babysitting. And I would seriously hope that children of 3 upwards are capable of feeding themselves and sitting for maybe 30 minutes at a table with their cousins.

If a child of 3 can't do that, then they are probably spoilt brats who have everything done for them by their parents.

I think in these situations teenagers should be given jobs - they are too old to play with the under 10s (unless babysitting) and too young to fully join the adult conversation so it's easier to ask them to take the sandwiches round, take coats or pour drinks or serve the cake or any other task that gives them something to do and helps everybody out and lets them feel and be valued.

Please read the Op's post.
This is not a thread about eating habits. It is a thread where the op says she is in her 20s and sometimes is made to feel that she isn't welcome to sit with the adults and chat. The adults being all under the age of 45. Mostly 20s, 30s and upto 45 years.
Nobody is elderly or infirm.
There is seating for all.
It is a question of expecting a 17 year old, who has arrived first with their parent, to be told to move and leave the room, so that the parent of a 4 year old can sit in the dining area rather than sit in the other room with their child.
Somebody has to sit in the living room.
Now I strongly believe that that should be the person who arrives last with the younger children.
Why should they expect a 17 year old to move and go to sit with their child.

If they strongly do not want to be with their own child then the other option is to stay in the dining room and stand.

Would you give up your seat to an adult if they were older? Purely because they wanted to sit in that room?

Yes, I would always give up my seat for an older relative, whether infirm or able-bodied. Did it very recently in fact. I am 39. For me, it is just good manners.

In the situation that the OP describes, I would not expect anyone to tell the teenagers to move (except possibly their own parents), but I would expect them to voluntarily give up their seats. They could still stay in the room and chat - standing for a while wouldn't hurt them at all. I wouldn't want them to be banished to a separate "children's room".

I gave read the OP thanks and I still believe that the adults get the seats and the children/teens can sit on their arses on the floor. Perhaps I have a capable 3 year old who does not need help with her food. It seems to me though, that plenty haven't. And these people seem to be the ones that put their perfect spoilt kids over an adult.

What has needing help with food got to do with anything? Why is a child deemed petfect and spoilt because it's parents don't think they should have to give up their seat. What is interesring here is the totally unfounded suppositions about children's behaviour from those who think they can tell a child what to do just because they're older.

So what would you have done in that situation?
For me if you insisted on staying in the dining room, then you should stand. I say this as someone who stood talking to friends whilst they and their children sat around my dining table recently. I was the oldest there too(unfortunnately). There were plenty of seats in other rooms and my ds and one of the chidren went to play in another room, they are both teenagers.
When I felt like I had had enough of standing I simply fetched a poof sp? from another room and sat on that.
Given the ops post I would have been on the older end of the scale there too(!) but stiil I am fit and healthy and don't feel the need to tell someone else to move, I am more that capable of standing.

Agreed simplesusan

I would never ask someone else to move for me, no matter how young they were. I would expect a niece or nephew etc to move without being asked, but I wouldn't be cross if they didn't.

DD is 7 and would offer her seat to an adult if appropriate. I have not specifically taught her to do this, but she has seen it modelled often by myself and DH.

If nobody did move for me, I'd stand.

Thinking about this further, if one of the teens did offer to move for me, I might well insist that they stay seated. But I would still expect them to offer!

Several people have said that the older children shouldn't have to babysit the younger ones - my point being that no one is babysitting the you her ones, they are merely eating a meal and do not have to have their parents in the same bloody to eat.

I think that a child not being expected to give up their seat for an older relative/family friend is rude and shows little manners or respect. Clearly you don't believe that children should respect their elders in this way, nor have the good manners that I would expect. It would seem that you think little Johnny and precious Susan are way more deserving of the hypothetical seats. I thnk they are spoilt and no doubt precocious brats who expect everything and their parents indulge this sense of entitlement

No, i don't think they're more deserving, i just don't think they're less deserving.

Why don't you avail yourself of a dictionary and look up the word respect.

It is not something you get just because you're older.

Also please read properly, i have repeatedly said my older children would give up their seats. From your posts you are clearly not following this properly.

You sound like an entitled and insulting bully and not someone I would expect my kids to respect.

I agree with FrankWipper. Parents of ill-mannered precocious entitled brats seldom think they are or else they might do something about it.

I'm far from entitled or a bully. But I firmly believe that elders in a family situation deserve respect from a child be they 3 or 17.

I know very well what respect means, but thank you for your sarcastic comment.

I think we shall have to agree to disagree. I would expect all of my children and my nephews and nieces to jolly well give up their seat for any of the adults, and they all would. It's just how we roll in my family, that's all.

I thnk they are spoilt and no doubt precocious brats who expect everything and their parents indulge this sense of entitlement

That's taking it a bit far surely? I can think of worse things that would make a child a brat.

If a pregnant woman walked onto a bus I would expect person able to stand to offer her a seat, regardless of their age. That is having respect and manners.

What if you are 30 and sitting on the chair and someone who is 40 walks in to the room, should you give up your seat then? Or does that make you a precocious brat if you don't?

Oh FFS, we are to talking about pregnant ladies on the sodding bus. We are talking about whether CHILDREN should give up their dining seat to an elder, ADULT member of the family.

I would not expect my 30 year old sister to give up her chair for my 42 year old arise. Stop fucking nitpicking and read what I've put.

And yes, I believe children who show no manners and respect to their elders are spoilt precocious brats. And, yes again, this is because their parents treat them like they are gods who must come above everything.

• not talking about

• arse not arise

I will proof read next time

I'm not so bothered about giving up the seats but this part "be made to sit in the living room with the younger children" pisses me off.

I would say "what are you going to do when the free babysitting service is no longer available" but I already know that the children 14, 13, 12 etc. will be expected to do it.

I can also forsee questions such as "why arn't your two children here" and I would love to here the parents response.

I actually find it so amusing that the ones going on about badly behaved individuals are the first to hand out unwarranted judgements and insults at the thought that others might not do their bidding.

Spoiled and entitled indeed.

Arf.

FWIW my mother would be mortified to take a seat frim a 3 year old and would not consider it due course.

FrankWippery
"Several people have said that the older children shouldn't have to babysit the younger ones - my point being that no one is babysitting the you her ones, they are merely eating a meal and do not have to have their parents in the same bloody to eat."

Who is going to get in to trouble if something is broken?
Or if someone gets hurt?

It will be the older ones, they are therefore babysitting.

Stop fucking nitpicking and read what I've put

Spoiled and entitled indeed.