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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people blame their dc for lack of sex

150 replies

BabysPointlessPocket · 08/01/2013 17:58

Seriously, I can't!
Is it just an easy excuse for women to use when they can't be bothered?
I have young dc, one also that I bf'd. It never affected my sex drive.
Maybe its just me and I shouldn't speak for others.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabysPointlessPocket · 08/01/2013 19:23

I can definitely understand why it takes a nosedive when your dc are teenagers.

Yes we did co sleep with dc1. We also have a sofa.

I have read back and I do come across as sounding smug, I honestly don't mean to be.
Like I said, post after post I read on here, sometimes by men posting they haven't slept with their wife for x months or by women. I just wonder why. Most say we haven't had sex for x months years and we have got 2 (or more) young dc, as if they are using it as an excuse/reason.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 08/01/2013 19:27

Most say we haven't had sex for x months years and we have got 2 (or more) young dc, as if they are using it as an excuse/reason.

Because it is a reason. That's why they are using it as such.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 08/01/2013 19:31

Why are you still wondering why when you have been given so many valid reasons?

Some people's birth injuries don't heal for months/years. What makes you think a woman would want a man putting a foreign body up their foof it it hurts like mad?

SneakyNuts · 08/01/2013 19:33

But why should they have to justify their reasons?!

Grapesoda · 08/01/2013 19:36

Obviously this is a troll thread, no?
I was wondering if my DH had snuck on to write this one.

Hobbitation · 08/01/2013 19:36

Also just being in your 30s or 40s not your 20s anymore can make your libido dip. Especially for men, though they are loathe to admit it.

ledkr · 08/01/2013 19:38

Soand what that's all!

BertieBotts · 08/01/2013 19:39

Why would you want to have sex with someone who can't be bothered anyway? I like my partner to be fully involved and interested. Otherwise you might as well just have a wank.

sleepdodger · 08/01/2013 19:40

Lack of opportunity rather than inclination here- I have a sleep averse toddler who spends most nights in with us but from tonight it's a new regime do who knows... so it's not appropriate really!!

JamieandtheMagiTorch · 08/01/2013 19:41

James

Good post

secretlyahippy · 08/01/2013 19:47

I have 3 dc under 5 and yes my sex life has taken a nose dive. I still love and fancy the pants off my dh but...

My body feels like something that gets used by the children, the baby will be breastfeeding, dd2 will have her arms around me and dd1 will be doing something to my hair. I feel like I dont get left alone for a second.

There isnt any actual time to have sex in the day, I dont have childcare and the two youngest arent in school

Dont say to do it when the children go to bed. I run around and put dinner stuff away (well, ok, dh does it) and do couple of chores before we collapse at 9pm on the sofa. Even dh who has a sex drive of a rabbit wouldnt shag me if i begged him as he is also too knackered.

Before we had children we used to have sex at least once a day. We dream of the day when we will have time and energy to resume. Infact we are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and my mum is travelling over to have the dc for the day. Dh and I are planning to have sex in the disabled toilets at the wedding venue as we know we may have 4 mins peace and quiet to do the deed Blush

dayshiftdoris · 08/01/2013 20:27

Jeez secretlyahippy

Thats is funny and a little bit grim at the same time!!

As I have been single since my relationship broke down when i was pregnant I can categorically say being a parent has affected my sex life...

Single parent, no support, no childcare...

Yep drier than the Arizona Desert here Hmm

ILikeWhisperingToo · 08/01/2013 20:44

I love a lot of the posts on this thread.
Sex not PE Grin
Worra's concise summations.
James' and Horratia and Secretly all with excellent points (would also add that BF hormones make it harder to produce your own lubricant = dry vagina)

OP you're coming across as boastful, ignorant and holier-than-fanjo. Do you mean to sound so dismissive, sexist and rude?

BarredfromhavingStella · 08/01/2013 20:52

Smug fuckwits really piss me off Hmm

Whoopeefuckingdo for you OP, I find that being interupted mid shag really puts me off my stride (not DH though, nothing puts him off) & I also don't feel the need to excuse myself from sex.

FryOneFatManic · 08/01/2013 20:54

Okay, DP and I did have a dip in our sex life, by the time 2 DC had been born, it had dropped to maybe once a fortnight. It's only now they are 12 and 9 that it's getting anywhere back to normal (which for us was 3-4 times a week).

So, kids back at school today, DP off, nothing urgently needed doing = lazy afternoon (until school finished, anyway)

MajesticWhine · 08/01/2013 20:58

OP, perhaps you didn't have an episiotomy?

Rollmops · 08/01/2013 21:07

OP, that's nothing.
You see, we had twins who had to be fed every 2 hours. For months.
However, we were simply swinging from the chandeliers between the abovementioned feeds.
Lack of sleep. fiddlesticks. Who needs sleep.
You are ever so right, these women with their Csection scars, tears and constant breastfeeding nonsense, pathetic, aren't they.
You on the other hand, sex-goddess extraordinaire!
I'll make them all applaud you, you vixen!

Hmm
Trills · 08/01/2013 21:12

YA either Unreasonable to just not very good at imagining that other people might have different lives to you, or feel differently about things.

Valpollicella · 08/01/2013 21:18

YABU. You know that you lazy journo, prob from the DM

freddiefrog · 08/01/2013 21:20

When my 2 were little, our sex life took a nose dive. I was just so knackered all the time that any time I got to spend in bed wasn't going to be wasted having sex

We're at it like rabbits now they're older not

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 08/01/2013 21:22

Good for you, seriously congratulations, really. Hmm

With all this sex you are getting why do you give a shit if anyone else is getting any?

I'm surprised with young dc and such an amazingly active sex life you have time to Mumsnet.

Original poster
BabysPointlessPocket · 08/01/2013 21:25

I have 2dc, 1 vb with tear, 1 emcs, bf, co slept, work shifts.
I am trying to understand, not be boastful, sex for us is usually once a week, or once a fortnight. So hardly swinging from the chandeliers.
I wonder how it gets to months/years without sex.
I am not a troll or journo.

OP posts:
DameMargotFountain · 08/01/2013 21:27

once a week?

is that all

sorry am so tired from having sex ALL THE TIME!

BarredfromhavingStella · 08/01/2013 21:38

How does it get to months/years? Well I'd assume quite easily as when you have small DC & you are knackered etc a day, a week, a month all sort of pass by without you even realising it......

Never had the proper sleep deprivation myself as have good sleepers, I am, however, still too fucked for a fuck at the end of most days-mornings on the other hand.........

maraisfrance · 08/01/2013 21:49

Well, OP, maybe it's a bit like people getting morbidly obese, or anorexic, or deeply in debt or immersed in a business to the exclusion of all else: it just creeps up on you, bit by bit. Don't suppose anyone sets out planning not to have sex with their partner for the next x months, but it just happens because life is busy and demanding. Sex therapists often advise couples wanting to get their mojo back on to push themselves to have sex, whether they initially feel like it or not, and this helps passion and desire flourish, apparently. So, if you're willing to prioritise getting your sex drive back, it's perfectly possible to do so. No all couples are willing amidst the pressures of the rest of life. And fair enough, either way.

there you are. Now you know. No need to write more.