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Original poster

Porn porn pissing porn!

294 replies

Lucy411 · 07/01/2013 15:33

Found porn for the 10th time on my partners phone
I have previously broken up with him over it I really can't describe my hate for it
He knows my reaction when I find it he always promises it will stop etc and this time I really don't think I can take him back
I have a 11 mo and I'm 10 weeks pregnant he knew that carrying on would mean him being kicked out and me having baby on my own yet still done it and played the its old trick then admits it hours later

So confused what to do and upset at his disrespect :(

OP posts:
MadCap · 07/01/2013 18:03

He doesn't though, otherwise he wouldn't do it. Or he has some kind of addiction that he's refusing to acknowledge.

If you have a girl OP, would you want her raised by a man who looks upon women solely as objects for sexual gratification.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/01/2013 18:04

Maybe try waiting out his silences OP? From your last post it sounds like there may be something he's not saying like "I do...but xyz"? Just a thought.

Blistory I don't like porn, I don't find it at all titilating, having watched it once or twice when I was younger. I find it hilarious on a "poor you" level that men do. It isn't something I would end a relationship over though.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/01/2013 18:04

You know he wont change.

You know he wont keep his promise if he promises not to do it.

You know he completely disrespects your feelings.

There is no point in keep asking him why because he can't see 'why not' - he doesn't feel he needs a 'reason' because there's 'nothing wrong with it'.

All you have to do now is stay strong this time and not take him back. You don't want to be here again in another few months.... and you would be, without a doubt :(

perceptionreality · 07/01/2013 18:05

'the OP does not like porn and does not want to be with a partner who does. That's OK. It really is.'

I agree

Amytheflag · 07/01/2013 18:05

Everyone who says its about trust, its also about control. OP is trying to control her OH by using ultimatums. Why is someone allowed to dictate another persons viewing material if they view it privately?

Locketjuice · 07/01/2013 18:06

Started at the very beginning didn't find out until 7 months pregnant and in hospital

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/01/2013 18:06

Agree with that Amy

theykillhorses · 07/01/2013 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InNeedOfBrandy · 07/01/2013 18:08

I agree Amy.

I don't like porn I'm not pro porn I just see this issue as OPs insecurity about the relationship. She has said its about him thinking about other women while cumming so while some may have issues with the morality of porn and how it's made that isn't the ops objection.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/01/2013 18:08

Jesus wept - it is not about control. SHE doesn't want to be with someone who watches porn. That is her decision. His decision is to stay with her and not watch porn or accept she wont stay in that relationship. That is not control.

Amy - would you be ok with your partner watching donkey sex? If he did it would you be fine with that? Would you be fine with him mugging old ladies? Would you be fine with him walking naked down the street?

perceptionreality · 07/01/2013 18:08

Amy - would you say the same about your dh if he gambled or smoked or used drugs, or to strip clubs 'as long as it was in private'?

If the OP finds porn unacceptable and it makes her unhappy for her partner to watch it then that is fair enough and certainly does not make her 'controlling'

Locketjuice · 07/01/2013 18:09

We were together for a year I got pregnant at 7 months I found out he had been watching porn knowing my views and admitted he had all the time since the beginning I thought we had got over it baby no.2 was a suprise

StuntGirl · 07/01/2013 18:09

It's less about control and more about compatibility. All that's happening is the two are finding out that actually, they're not as compatible as they thought. If neither is willing to compromise for the other - and I agree in a jealousy/porn-is-cheating scenario there is more room for compromise than a straight up moral dislike - then really there isn't anywhere for this relationship to go.

Locketjuice · 07/01/2013 18:10
  • at 7 months pregnant
InNeedOfBrandy · 07/01/2013 18:10

Animal porn, mugging and public exposing is illegal so not comparable.

MadCap · 07/01/2013 18:11

Amy, it isn't controlling. He's free to carry on doing it. He should havetold her. She could have made her choice then rather than stay with someone who thinks watching a bit of porn is more important than op's feelings. He lied to her and told her that he stopped and carried on regardless.

perceptionreality · 07/01/2013 18:11

The point is, Brandy that everyone has different ideas of what they think is acceptable in a relationship. And that doesn't make them controlling.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/01/2013 18:11

So what if her objection is moral or personal?

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/01/2013 18:13

My dp smokes and plays poker (with friends) which most of you would probably class as gambling. So yes...I'd be completely fine with that.

Mugging old ladies, public exposure are illegal. The Donkey Punch sex act is ridiculously dangerous and make well have consequences that result in a custodial sentence. Not really comparable to watching a bit of straight forward porn is it?

perceptionreality · 07/01/2013 18:15

Alis, you are missing the point entirely.

everlong · 07/01/2013 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 07/01/2013 18:15

It doesn't matter what the 'thing' is. Don't you get that? It is about the fact that she has said I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who does X, so either you stop doing X or I'm leaving.

No one else has to agree that X is wrong - not even him.

This is her life - she's allowed to decide if X in her relationship is OK or not.

It's not.

He's promised over and over and over again to stop doing X.

He hasn't stopped & he's lied about doing it.

He's chosen to do X over her feelings about it.

She is getting out of the relationship.

She's allowed. It's HER life.

perceptionreality · 07/01/2013 18:16

Nobody should have to justify their feelings about why something makes them feel bad, just because that same things doesn't happen to make you feel bad.

Blistory · 07/01/2013 18:16

The difference Alis is that you're fine with your DP smoking and gambling.

strumpetpumpkin · 07/01/2013 18:16

a bit hysterical and controlling to try and rule over what he can and cant look at on his phone in private. Jesus. So you dont like porn. Thats fine. He does.
You dont have to like it, but you really shouldnt have had 2 children with a guy you knew looked at porn if its such a "dealbreaker" for you, and then decide to whip them away from him.