To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

I feel comfortable. I earn 12,000 a year and am a single mother to 1 little boy. But I´m in no debt. I´m grateful for what we have :)

I'm really not sure why you have posted this.

Unless you list all your incoming s and outgoings so that others can analyse your spending ( as on moneysaving expert website) then just posting this smug inflammatory message is only going to get people annoyed.

So I have 2 suggestions (although I doubt you are still reading this thread) is:

1 go on moneysavingexpert and get others to analyse your statement of affairs ( although you answered your own question really).

1. Do something useful with your life to relieve your level of disatisfaction. I suggest charity work as you are clearly becoming detached from reality!

Well you are very well off compared to most.
You may not have as much disposable income as you feel you ought but that's because your outgoings are high. House prices in London are high as are school fees for four children. Thats not to say that you are hard done by though. Those outgoings are your choice. You could choose to spend that on fancy holidays and designer clothes every week.
The fact is you have a choice, many don't. Therefore you are IMO rich.

Good post Aitch

...and many others who have expressed interest in why the OP feels the way she does.

But ultimately YABU op

We were just lucky to be born clever and be in the right place at the right time.

It's more complicated than that.

Some people go for jobs where there is a very high earning potential. For example, finance, some retail (further management, etc), law, medicine (in some cases).
Other very clever people prefer other types of jobs or areas where they are intellectually happy but don't earn that much. Good salaries, sure. But not in the regions of 100 plus.

A typical case would be a footballer compared with, say, gymnastics.
The earnings between the top athletes, and even not at the top, are very different.

And there is a difference between being comfortable, well off, and then rich.

BTW, twofacedcows.

I'd strongly advise you to start leaving some money at the end of the month.

It's people like you who go very quickly from being well off to poverty or bankrupcy.

My heart bleeds for you OP, really it does. Try living in Brighton on combined income of

I was talking to dh about this thread. He was privately educated at secondary level thanks in part to an assisted place - a scheme which no longer exists. Additionally school fees inflation since he was at school means that a year's fees then wouldn't cover a term at that school now. If he had felt the guilt the OP describes to ensure his dc had the same we would only have had one child. That's a pretty alarming thought tbh.

I suspect that a lot of our generation are struggling with this - fees have gone up so much, out of proportion with incomes, that people really can not afford the education their parents paid for. In the OP's case it seems absurd to be spending nearly two thirds of your net income on school fees.

NorthernLurker but there really is no need to "struggle" with school fees. There are plenty of good state schools and to be honest if, as a parent, you take an interest in your child's education and push them, they're likely going to do fine academically anyway.

Lets face it £250k plus Ops salary would buy you into a nice catchment area anywhere around London wouldn't it?

We don't actually know what the OP gives to charity. I don't have a charity budget as such but certainly give what I believe is a reasonable amount each year to the charities I want to - I do not budget for it as such and it is no ones business whether I do or not anyway, I also do lots of voluntary work and have done for the last 5 years. This has nothing to do with this thread at all though!

I think this thread has been odd as it has digressed in parts so far away from the OP but in parts some posters such as Adversecamber has given the OP lots of food for thought.

I am not sure where the OP has been pompus and entitled or shows lack of care and concern for others, I think she sounds genuinely concerned, has admitted in the OP that she is being unreasonable and actually seems to be worried about it (with of course no actual need to be with her income!!).

Its all relative, everyone will know of someone that is worse off or has a worse problem than someone else but doesn't mean the problem isn't real to them at all even if they are fairly misguided about it! If that wasn't the case then we could look at most the posts on MN and tell the OPs to fuck off as their problem isn't as bad as someone elses!

I think the OP shouldn't have posted on MN as it may not be the right place for this and maybe she should have more awareness of the upset it could cause.

When DS1 was tiny he never slept for more than an hour, I felt depressed and very unwell, my best friends DS was then born with very severe disabilities, I felt very guilty to feel so low about my situation but it was pointed out to be that it was not relevant at all, my problem was my problem and not in any way connected so I was ok to be feeling that way. I was aware of my friends problem and it does seem the may not be as understanding as she should be but I don't think she comes across as pompus or entitled.

HeyHo, you've just reminded me of something...

Whoovian, mental health research has identified five 'ways to well-being'. If you do these five things, you feel happier and you have better well-being. Maybe you feel dissatisfied because you're not doing enough of these things?

Connect with other people
Be active
Take notice, 'savour the moment'
Learn, do new things
Give to others

There's more info here on the Mind website if you're interested.

This thread is so funny. It is well documented research that unless you have millions in the bank account in cash, typically, irrespective of income level, a persons definition of 'rich' is an income level that is twice their current income level. Ie if you have £25k you would say someone on £50k is rich, but someone on £50k would say, no they're not rich, but someone on £100k is rich etc etc.

In the US, Obama has had trouble persuading congress that anyone with household income of over the equivalent of £170k is rich and they finally compromised on approx £280k but those folks at that income level bitterly argue that they're not rich but the millionaires are the rich ones.

I think it was brave of the OP to post. Personally, I think she is very well off, and yes she is relatively rich but I can totally understand why she doesn't feel rich. Our household income is significantly more than OPs (dh and i both earn more than their income) and I can only say that as your income increases your perspective of what is rich increases too. I know we're rich but I certainly don't feel rich, prob because we live well on less than half our income and save the remainder. It doesn't mean that you get greedier it just means you don't feel different or special and I think that's generally the case if you have conservative spending habits or pile a lot of cash into education. I have to say that on 250k and 4 dcs, I would have state educated.

DP and me met at uni, we lived together with a £3,500 a year loan each, thats a combined income of £7,000.

He graduated, i'm still at uni. His earning of £20,000 added to my increased loan because of DS of £5,000 is a combined income of £25,00 (Know nothing about tax, so probs a few thousand tax of that?)

WE FEEL LOADED! one week as students, my housemate gave me a free chips and burger she had won from the mcdonalds monopoly coupon thing. That was all we ate that day, and I was pregnant! On less that £25,000 we have a family of three, we eat out or get a take away at least once a week (by eat out I mean something like nandos that is a max £25, or F&B's for £30). We buy clothes when we want (mainly primark/new look) and treat ourselves to things we need. (dp is into cycling and golf, so buys stuff for that.)

We always say we don't know what we'll spend out money on when we're both working! We feel we live a great life at the mo!

(My mum pays DS's nursery fees as she wants to help me finish uni and we don't have a car, we both cycle or get teh bus everywhere. So that probably explains why we can afford to eat out and spoil DS so much!)

ALthough we're 'poor' now. My mum and dad are well off (my dad earns about 80k and my mum about 30k - which I think is a lot!). My mum always complains about having no money, yet goes into waitrose and doesn't give a second gthought that she could get three times the amount of food at asda. Some of its even the same in terms of canned good, and just get veg and meat at waitrose. I agree as you earn more, you spend more!

I know what you mean, OP - I once had a £100k salary and clearly remember thinking I'd feel "rich" and have no money worries, but my life became more highly geared to allow me to have a career with that level of earnings (single parent, no family nearby to help so au pair etc) I never felt "rich", though accept I did have disposable income for nice clothes etc

But I actually think it is more concerned with the dangers of looking for self esteem and satisfaction in life with external factors like earnings, house and other material goods. I suspect that, no matter how much you had in the bank, you would not feel "rich" in the ways that matter

I think you need to do a "statement of affairs" a la the MSE website debt board and let us see exactly where this amount of money goes

I've just calculated the monthly income of someone on £250k, it's 11k a month!

It's about cutting your cloth to suit your purse I guess.

OP only you can answer why you don't feel 'comfortable' you know yourself your income is high compared to what most people earn, but it does sound like you have a lot of outgoings.

DH and I are on less than 10% if the figure you give, and I would say we are comfortable! We do own a house, so no mortgage/rent to worry about and we have to save for things so not rich in a financial sense, but you know, rich in other ways. We have 1 ds & dc2 is on the way....

On £250k in London you won't be 'rich.' It is not an exceptionally high salary here. There are some extremely high earners in the City, some of whom are probably among your circle of friends / DH colleagues. If you mix exclusively with those types of people you are bound to feel rather hard done by. Even though in relative terms you have a higher income than 99.9% of the popoulation!

Our level of household income is fortunately similar to yours. I don't feel rich in London (due to to the cost of housing, childcare and schooling), but I do feel very comfortable. Bills are paid without a second thought, I can buy what I want in the supermarket, go out to dinner every so often, etc. I can live in a family house in London avoiding long commutes and have the option of private schools. Every day I feel fortunate.

I suggest that you don't budget very well if you don't feel comfortable on your income. We currently have one DC who we intend to educate privately. We will have one more child if we can, but that will be it. I agree with the poster above who said you have two children too many if you intend to educate them all privately. Move to an area with good state schools - many people do not even have this option.

There are many other ways to reduce your outgoings to a level where you can add to your savings, which posters have already given some helpful advice on. Maybe you could take some of that on board.

everlong We have a very nice home. nice gadgets, TV, nice sofa, bed, carpets. nice and cosy.
We eat out a lot, in nice restaurants.
We go away a lot, like I said at least 26 weekends of the year. Just to nice places in the UK, find a nice little dog-friendly hotel.
We spend a lot of money going to new places, shopping.
We have lots of clothes - too many.
Our dogs get lots of treats and nice new collars and leads.
I have a pretty fish tank, that has so far cost a fortune!
We both have nice cars - although they are not brand new!

I know we are very lucky, and yes we should save more! We are both going on a diet, so are hoping to be able to save 3-4 k a month by not eating out.

We are hoping for some DCs soon, so a lot of our money will stop being frittered away and will be going on education! !