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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

759 replies

whoovian · 07/01/2013 09:34

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP posts:
Bumblequeen · 07/01/2013 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

JustAHolyFool · 07/01/2013 22:27

TwoFaced "But we do have a fantastic life style. We are able to go away for the weekend probably at least 26 weekends of the year, stay in nice hotels. Our home is lovely. We can afford nice gadgets." - so what part of that means you don't feel rich? What exactly is your definition of rich? Because mine is being able to afford stuff like that.

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 22:29

Sorry,I did not understand your second paragragh.

What do you think would give you more security?
There is 6k going to a private pension.
Are you meaning more security short, medium or long term?

marriedinwhite · 07/01/2013 22:30

do what Mrs Shackleton . Day fees in London are circa £18k per child - that's £72 k per annum after tax per year. May be £12-14k for the under 13s.

Mutley77 · 07/01/2013 22:32

Agree - is all in the private schooling - on the basis of paying tax and the school fees your disposable income is probably tiny.

tethersend · 07/01/2013 22:32

"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 22:33

Bumblequeen, yes, the Kirsty advice is buy a less good house on a better street rather than the other way round. Cant remember why now.
But if we agree with the study MoreBeta quoted, we would all be happier moving to a road or street where we are the wealthiest on it!

2013go · 07/01/2013 22:35

Honestly cannot believe how many people here are sympathising with/advising/defending this OP.
Mumsnet is a parallel universe.
The OP's projected salary, let alone her dh's, is a dream to the majority of people in this country.
The statement in the OP is offensive and actually morally repugnant.
Whatever concept of 'rich' the OP has in her head, it tells me that people's beliefs about wealth, necessities and 'comfort' in this country are utterly fucked up.

OP- maybe you'd feel more rich if you tried to live a life that was about giving more to others (not financially, but in any way) and even just walked a few streets away from your house.

Rachel749 · 07/01/2013 22:36

haha yabu. you want to try living on my income. i would swap places with you.

amillionyears you want to wind your neck in hun. no-one listening to ya. x Wink

Original poster
whoovian · 07/01/2013 22:37

Amillionyears - I meant that because I live in a environment where people seem to be very at ease with spending large amounts of money I have become influenced by their attitude towards money. I think I am less influenced by their lifestyle because, as I said, I don't need or want 'things'.

I don't know what I mean by security - that is one of the things I am trying to work out myself Smile

OP posts:
amillionyears · 07/01/2013 22:41

eh Rachel?
If you just look at my posts of today, you will see how many people have directly answered me today. Let alone yesterday or the day before or.....
How many have directly spoken to you on here today Rachel?

btw, I have no idea who Rachel is . Does anyone else know?

2013go · 07/01/2013 22:45

Love you Rachel!

noblegiraffe · 07/01/2013 22:46

If you don't need or want things, then why are you not satisfied with what you've got?

2013go · 07/01/2013 22:46

PS amillionyears that study sounds utterly horrible, how horrible that people's happiness could be so dependent on them feeling superior to others purely because they have more cash, very sad indeed.

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 22:47

I think we are all influenced by what goes on directly around us.That is natural.

Feeling secure often does not come from money.
Yes it does if it goes below a comfortable amount, and unfortuneately for more and more people in this country, the amount of money has indeed gone below that level.

Are you sure that you feeling insecure has anything to do with money at all?

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 22:48

I agree with your last post 2013go

Bluegrass · 07/01/2013 22:49

I do think 6k pa into a pension seems quite small unless there are other savings. I earn just over 1/4 of the OPs husband's income and pay that much into my private pension a year (and that is the plan B "back up" to my company pension scheme).

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 07/01/2013 22:49

If you don't feel secure, you need to be saving more.

A good friend grew up in serious poverty. Now she and her husband are both very successful. But I have known her since university. At her core, she is marked by her dad fucking off with the rent money and her mum having the electricity shut off. She is obsessive about budgeting and financial planning.

I love her very much, she is wonderful. It isn't really about the money - it's that she can't get over the difficulties from her childhood. No matter how much she has now, she remembers how rubbish it is to have nothing. And she can't let herself be happy.

I don't know what to suggest. More emphasis on saving - this should be non-negotiable with you, like private school is with your husband. And counselling. Well, that's what I'd suggest for my friend.

ouryve · 07/01/2013 22:54

amillionyears there's 2 things to consider, there, both about resale value. Firstly, buying a less good house in a better street means that there is potentially scope to add value to it by smartening it up or even building up and out. The other is that, even if it has reached its potential and still isn't the best house on the street, people like to buy aspirationally because they feel they are able to buy into a better neighbourhood. They might never be able to afford the 5 bed mock gothic detached victorian villa 3 doors down, but would find your 3 bed victorian semi with floored out loft and 2 bathrooms more attractive for being close to that villa than if it was surrounded by 2 bed terraces (despite the fact that it would probably cost more, unless those 2 bed terraces were in a trendy area).

garlicbollocks · 07/01/2013 22:56

Following on from what amillion and others have said, Whoovian, I wonder whether you had clear ideas of what you'd do with money when you got it? XH1 and I both came from working-class, grammar school backgrounds; people around us laughed at our ambition.

We shared a vision of what we wanted - and, by and large, we got it. For us, spending was more important than saving: we had a 'live today' attitude; despite my current impoverishment, I don't regret it. Some of our friends were bigger savers so had fewer 'things'. I don't believe any of us felt superior to the others.

Your DH evidently had his clear idea - he wanted to send his children to good private schools. What was yours?

If you didn't have this idea of a target, perhaps it explains your sense of dissatisfaction now. Whether you did or not, or you did but it's changed, I bet this can be fixed.

2013go · 07/01/2013 23:00

'Scarcely feeling comfortable' to most people I know is more that sinking feeling when you get to the checkout at the supermarket and realise that you're going to have to put things back back.
Or when you have to turn the heating off.
Or when if you lost your job tomorrow, there would be literally not a penny, because any savings you built up have had to be plundered in the last couple of years to fix the boiler, the car, etc.
Or when the kids' stocking presents have had to go on the credit card.
And 'people I know' are not even especially poor in the scheme of things, they are council workers, nurses, TAs, teachers, occupational therapists, etc.

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 23:02

Thanks for that ouryve. I had forgotten most of that.

AuntPittypat · 07/01/2013 23:04

I haven't read all the way to the end of this thread yet but so far I haven't seen anyone acknowledge the hard work and sacrifices that most people have to make to get to a position where they can earn £250k. One poster says that 'poor people resent rich people for not appreciating their good fortune'. In the vast majority of cases 'good fortune' has little to do with it. Unless OP's DH is a member of the aristocracy who 'earns' his £250k solely in interest on his trustfund, I guess he's worked hard and given up a lot to be able to provide so much for his family. Good for him.

I don't resent anyone for earning more than me, I think bloody well done for making the most of themselves to then achieve such a high salary. I wouldn't have wanted to do it myself too busy wasting my youth getting drunk in the woods and I'm perfectly happy with my perfectly average income.

wannabedreams · 07/01/2013 23:04

Well I earn 6k (part time), H earns between 0-200 pw (self employed), we have three kids in state education, we have no loans and pay the credit card off (most months), neither of us is overdrawn.
We scrimp, we eat out only on clubcard vouchers and if I have a tenner left in the bank the day before payday I treat us to a bottle of wine.
I just feel lucky that we get by though and when the kids are older and I can work more and his business takes off I hope things will get easier.
250k.... FFS!!!!

amillionyears · 07/01/2013 23:08

I agree 2013go. I think the op has forgotten these things really. Which is why I wondered if she goes back to her roots, to see her parents and others.
Roots can make people, who are living more lushious[it is getting late, I cant think of the right word] lifestyles remember where they came from, and and hopefully be grateful for what they have, and keep them more grounded if they go back often enough.