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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if I get pg because DH won't buy condoms then tough!

59 replies

lechatnoir · 06/01/2013 21:01

It's no secret I want another baby but 3+ years of trying to convince DH has got me nowhere. We use condoms and DH has always bought them (don't know why - he just has ) but recently keeps forgetting so we've relied on the withdrawal method. IMO it's risky at best if you don't want a pregnancy & DH must know this so, AIBU to think if he wants sex but can't sort out contraception then he will have to accept the consequences if I get pg?

OP posts:

bigbuttons · 06/01/2013 21:02

yep, I agree with you.

squeakytoy · 06/01/2013 21:03

maybe he has changed his mind but just wont admit to it..

Mrsrudolphduvall · 06/01/2013 21:03

You sound about 14 years old.
How irresponsible....both of you.
What about the potential child?

StuntGirl · 06/01/2013 21:04

Agree with this ^

hermioneweasley · 06/01/2013 21:05

, have you tried talking to him about it?

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 06/01/2013 21:05

If he his aware that of your desire to have another baby, yet wont prevent it, then its his fault, if he dont want one, then its up to him to use protection, same if a woman doesnt want a child, up to her to protect herself.

HopAndSkip · 06/01/2013 21:08

Maybe he's just "seeing what happens" and isn't dead against the idea but doesn't want to commit to it as it's still a bit of a scary thought to him?

Seems to me, unless you know he is very dumb/immature, that he knows you could get pregnant by him doing this, and that he's not concerned about the prospect of it?

Fairylea · 06/01/2013 21:12

I'm always completely shocked at the amount of people who seem to "rely" on the withdrawal method! Wtf !

I think you need to have a proper chat with your dh. I don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world on the basis you forget condoms.

Reaa · 06/01/2013 21:15

If he really does not want another baby then he going the complete wrong way about it!

CloudsAndTrees · 06/01/2013 21:16

Of course he will have to accept the consequences. I'm sure that if he has more than two brain cells to rub together, then he will have worked that out for himself.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 06/01/2013 21:16

It's an awful big gamble if no ones sure baby is wanted. It's a life , a serious commitment and it's a ridiculous attitude to have. You risk destroying your marriage and your family with such childish talk. In sorry if this sounds nasty I don't mean it to be but it's true.

Original poster

lechatnoir · 06/01/2013 21:20

A very recent conversation (subject bought up by a friend) tells me he hasn't changed his mind but no, I haven't specifically raised the issue of what happens if I get pg using this method of 'contraception'. If I'm honest it's the nearest I've ever got to a much wanted 3rd pregnancy and I'm scared if I spell out the risk of pregnancy using this method if contraception he'll be running out the door to the nearest 24 hour shop for supplies and that really will be it forever. And I can't help hoping he would actually be pleased but is too stubborn (& he is very stubborn!) to admit he's changed his mind.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 06/01/2013 21:21

Do you not have a family planning clinic near you, or a doctors? contraceptives are free - you don;t need to wait for someone to buy them

SarahStratton · 06/01/2013 21:23

I'm with MrsRD, very immature attitude to something so important.

ChocHobNob · 06/01/2013 21:24

YABU in my opinion. It's a bad way to think because if he is still against having another child it could cause difficulties in your relationship and his relationship with the child if you do fall pregnant! Yes contraception is also his responsibility and he surely knows withdrawal is not an effective contraceptive but do you want to fall pregnant in these circumstances? Pregnancy should be a happy time, not one where you're dealing with an (irrationally) angry husband.

HecatePropolos · 06/01/2013 21:24

I think it's vital that you sit down and talk about it.

Get the facts about how unreliable withdrawal is and tell him straight that this method is very likely to result in pregnancy - you know it and he knows it and he had better not utter one single word of complaint if you end up pregnant, better not blame you in any way or attempt to convince you not to keep the baby.

If you both understand exactly what the situation is and know exactly where you stand then no, he can't complain and it is tough.

mamalovesmojitos · 06/01/2013 21:25

I think you need to have a mature, adult conversation with your dh about the future.

Flisspaps · 06/01/2013 21:26

Holly I think you're missing the point. The OP doesn't want condoms free or otherwise - she wants a baby! If her DH doesn't want a baby, then he should ensure that condoms are obtained somehow rather than relying on the withdrawal method.

Bubblegum78 · 06/01/2013 21:26

First of all it's BOTH of your responsibility where contraception is concerned and secondly, if you are that worried he WILL sort out contraception if you spell it out then what makes you think he will STAY with you if you DO get pregnant?

Maybe he thinks it's YOUR job to be on the pill/injection ect.. because you know he doesn't want another baby?

I think you need to talk about this properly, you are not teenagers!

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome · 06/01/2013 21:26

I see what you're saying Hecate but surely no grown man needs to have it spelt out to him that the withdrawal method has its risks?

ChaoticintheNewYear · 06/01/2013 21:27

Talk to him. Whether you want to or not you need to point out to him that you're not using contraception and him not using condoms increases the risk of you getting pregnant considerably. Let him know if he does decide to continue with not using condoms then he can't complain if you do become pregnant and will have to accept the consequences without throwing in your face that he never wanted another one.

HecatePropolos · 06/01/2013 21:27

x-post with your last post.

It's even more vital that you spell it out.

He should understand that withdrawal = parenthood. Eventually. but if he doesn't - then in fairness you have to make it VERY clear.

What he then chooses to do, he does with all the facts that, really, an adult should already have!

And if you want a third child this much, the two of you really need to talk and talk and talk.

HecatePropolos · 06/01/2013 21:28

x-post weeweewee

Yes. you would think that an adult would know this. But you'd be AMAZED what crap people believe!

And sitting down and spelling it out at least means he knows right now that he can't 'blame' her (as I have seen, read and heard happening [boggle] ) if she does become pregnant.

ChaoticintheNewYear · 06/01/2013 21:29

Next time I'll wait. I agree with Hecate and she worded it better than I did

Dogsmom · 06/01/2013 21:29

It's a BABY fgs, a person, not a pet.

What if you do end up pregnant and he still doesn't want it and asks you to terminate? Or if he agrees to keep it you'll always know he didn't really want him/her, the poor kid will be bought up with a Dad who doesn't want them.

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