To think if I get pg because DH won't buy condoms then tough!

[lechatnoir]

It's no secret I want another baby but 3+ years of trying to convince DH has got me nowhere. We use condoms and DH has always bought them (don't know why - he just has ) but recently keeps forgetting so we've relied on the withdrawal method. IMO it's risky at best if you don't want a pregnancy & DH must know this so, AIBU to think if he wants sex but can't sort out contraception then he will have to accept the consequences if I get pg?

every child should be wanted by BOTH parents.

rather than playing teenage games, have a grownup talk and make a decision one way or the other. Worst-case; you get 'accidentally' pregnant, he walks and your two existing kids are suddenly in a broken home.

if you cannot reach agreement then you can at least split without bringing a third child into it, given that there is no compromise on this one.

hope you can reach an agreement and stay together.

Sorry, but your little plan is very likely to go rather badly wrong.

Yes, he should be well aware that withdrawal isn't enough and if he cares that much then he should be ensuring that the sex you have is safe, but it's also pretty immature to just "leave it to fate" unless you've both actively agreed to do that.

Most people would be pretty damn pissed off, not happy, if they ever got an inkling that their partner had tricked them in any way into having a baby.

And, yep, he might not actually know that withdrawal isn't effective - some people do genuinely believe it is.

Shouldn't you discuss this ?

I don't understand why anyone has to buy them. They are free from doctors and FP clinic.

It is an immature atitutude though. It is hard enough to bring up a child if both parents want it, even harder if only one does.

You need to tell him that it isn't a fail safe method. Plenty of people really don't know.
If he already knows that, he may well respect your honesty.
If he doesn't know, I'm sure he'll respect your honesty.
If he grins and says "yeah, it's a risk..." then you can enjoy TTC without the guilt and fear he doesn't want to.
Really, how would you feel if you DIDN'T want to get pregnant, assumed this was safe, and then found out that he knew all along it wasn't? Whilst you were sat tussling with emotions of an unwanted pregnancy?
TALK TO HIM.

I think the dp wants another baby. Fair enough to carry on. It takes all sorts. Plus we are an unusal generation in our access to contraception. Couples managed before.
But are you super sure he isnt going to turn around and freak out when you say you are pregnant? Because if not you need to have a chat.

Dear god, if my DH didn't want another child but had forgot to purchase any condms I would say something along the lines of "well, ill stick them on the shopping list, we will have to do.other stuff tonight".

Not "well, if I fall pg then it's your fault ner ner"

Grow up. Have a conversation. Do not give yourself the opportunity to fall pregnant with a man who doesn't want another child. And tell.him from me to stop being such a twit.

Why would you want to create a life this way.

So if a baby is born out of this how would you feel if he says. I am not doing night feeds/ change nappies be there for the birth ect as I didn't want this baby or if he shows no interest in the baby at all.

He is the most amazing dad and & I can't ever imagine him leaving, BUT I'm not convinced he's actually thought about it at all so I do really need to broach the subject don't I? It won't be tonight as he's out but I will update once we've spoken. I hope you'll allow me a little sad sigh because I'm pretty sure it won't be what I want to hear.

It's the right thing to do, though.

Tell you what, as he pulls out, you push back up/on

You will win then.

AF - I hope you are going to follow that with a "Bazinga!" ?

If I knew what Bazinga meant ....

That you were joking.

Well, both OP and her partner seem content to piss about with the serious concept of conceiving a baby and she really, really wants one so why not go the full passive aggressive hog and make damn sure it happens. ? It's a lifestyle choice, I suppose.

Withdrawal when used properly is actually pretty effective.

OP, YANBU to want baby no 3 but this is not the way to go about it. Well done for realising a discussion is needed. It's ok to be :( at the thought of a 'no' but he may surprise you if willing to risk it. I know my DH certainly wouldn't unless wavering on the TTC issue!

He's a grown man, he does not need to be sat down and have the facts of life explained to him. He's clearly taking this risk - if I was the OP I wouldn't be pushing him into buying condoms.

YANBU. He knows you want a baby. He isn't stopping his sperm in any way. His 'fault' if you get pregnant. Easy. If you don't want babies, you use protection.

YANBU, withdrawal is 95% effective so ask him if he is happy with that? No method is 100%.

He's not that bothered about not having a baby if he is relying on the withdrawal method.

Worked for me for 5 years. Depends on partner's likelihood of pre leakage IIRC

YANBU as long as he knows that withdrawal is risky and is still doing it.