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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DD5 is just funny or is she rude.

141 replies

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 16:34

My DD, has come out with some funny lines, these are the examples:

Mother your getting on my nerves.
Mummy needs to exercise.
Saying yes after her godmother asked DD if she was fat.
Threatening to throw me out into the snow, after i threatened Peppa Pig with that same thing.

She also has an answer for everything.

Is she just honest or is she rude, curious to know what others think.

OP posts:

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 18:13

Fellowship She likes to test the boundaries, alot of which she ends up apologising for.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 18:18

MrsKR...telling it like it is

AllDirections · 05/01/2013 18:18

MrsKeithRichards

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/01/2013 18:19

Maybe not rude but certainly at 5 pushing the limits of other people's tolerance. There is a social "off limits" button we learn to flick on when talking to adults, not just authority figures. I don't think it's teaching children to dissemble, it stops strangers and those unused to children's directness from thinking what brats they are. The older she gets the harder your DD will find it to drop the habit.

Always having an answer for everything is less endearing the older children get. I don't think it is suppressing a quick wit or natural verve to ask a child to stop and think and sometimes not say aloud what first pops into their head.

MrsKeithRichards · 05/01/2013 18:21

I've just ordered my second meal of the day in the pub, the gloves are off!

Tinuviel · 05/01/2013 18:22

DS1 (with autistic traits) tends to have a less-than-endearing 'honesty'. There are 2 strategies I've used:

First, we think these things in our heads; we don't let them come out of our mouths.

As he has got older, I tend to reinforce the crucial 3 questions:
Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it helpful?

Quite often I have to use these strategies myself!

AllDirections · 05/01/2013 18:27

I wish some adults would remember to ask themselves the crucial 3 questions Tinuviel

I'm going to use them with my DD3. I never needed to do anything like this with DDs 1&2 but DD3 is definitely more outspoken.

Losingexcessweight · 05/01/2013 18:37

Op - i m very much a spade is a spade person and have always spoken my mind. I was allowed to do this as a child and continued it right through adulthood.

The outcome? I ve been sacked countless times within my trial period because i'd upset staff and management etc

I have very limited friends, had friends who accepted me for who i was but they werent many of them!

Nowadays i ve learnt to be more tactile, and im now alot more people friendly.

Please bring her up with manners and you ll save her alot of trouble in years to come

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 18:43

Losing Her dad is much the same, hes never had tact and is extremely stubborn, there havent been many comments that shes said, most of it is for reaction.

I think im gonna try with Tinuviel's tactics, i know DD would never attentionally be rude, shes very forward, perhaps a bit too much right now, luckily its me that gets the brunt, so it should be easier to train her mouth to connect to her head now.

She does have manners, shes generous and has strong empathy, just need to teach her subtlety i think.

OP posts:

nannyof3 · 05/01/2013 18:55

Very rude!!!

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 18:57

Tinuviels three things to remember are good for most people, but then you get others who believe when they're saying things in a hurtful way they are being kind and helpful, and it is necessary for them to tell the person exactly what they think in the most direct way possible.

We're too damaged and oppressed in this country to be able to take that level of truthfulness

But you could also look on it as being a far more complex and sophisticated system of communication, by having more levels of subtle meanings, than other systems which don't go round about the houses.

Not being known for being forthright could also mean that when you are, it a lot more significant.

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 18:58

Perhaps that's it? That you have to teach your DC when and where it's appropriate.

MrsDeVere · 05/01/2013 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/01/2013 19:10

Yeah, rude. She needs "slapping down a bit" as a previous poster put it....

I have a nearly 5yo and am starting to have to pull her up on things.

Findingmyself · 05/01/2013 19:48

Hmm, I think it is bordering onto rude behaviour I'm afraid.

Someone I know has a 13 year old DD who was never corrected about saying those types of things, and now she is intolerable. Very rude, very inappropriate, and doesn't have many friends at all.

I gave her a present a couple of years ago and she decided she didn't like it and said 'Erm, receipt!! I'll change it for something else'

Cabrinha · 05/01/2013 19:50

They are rude, but it's how you deal with them that's important.

I'd be having a word though, with any friend asking my daughter (4) if they were fat, in any context. Couple that with the exercise comment - I really really hope she thinks you exercise for fun and to keep fit and healthy and be strong - god help her if she's already picked it up in a weight loss context.

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 19:54

Unfortunately one parent's free spirited child is another parents playdate nightmare.

If she continues to behave in a way that other parents perceive as rude, and this thread illustrates that some other parents do find it rude, then long term she will miss out.

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 19:54

And what Cabrinha said about weight issues

usualsuspect · 05/01/2013 19:59

I think shes a 5 year old. I don't think she's rude.
A bit cheeky yeah, but nothing to get all cats bum face about.

bamboostalks · 05/01/2013 20:00

I think it's typical behaviour of a 5 year old, well mine anyway. They're just learning their boundaries and what is funny and what crosses the line. It's a fine line too, lets remember how often adults get it wrong! There's loads of posts on here moaning about rude friends who are trying to be funny and get it wrong.

HullyEastergully · 05/01/2013 20:05

The trick is to get them to do the When in Rome thing.

We are all appallingly rude to each other and there is swearing and insulting, but they know they can't do it outside the immediate family as others would be horrified...once they've got that, it's fine.

HullyEastergully · 05/01/2013 20:06

Should have said it is IN JEST when we do thus to each other

HenryCrun · 06/01/2013 07:24

Hmmm.

Mother your getting on my nerves - not funny

Mummy needs to exercise - not funny

Saying yes after her godmother asked DD if she was fat - godmother brought that on herself, she shouldn't have been trying to get an ego-boost off a 5-year-old

Threatening to throw me out into the snow, after i threatened Peppa Pig with that same thing - this one is funny

LoopsInHoops · 06/01/2013 07:29

My older DD and some of that list is rude enough for her to be told off for it. At 5 it is unforgivable to indulge this sort of rude behaviour.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 06/01/2013 07:29

If someone who is fat asks me If they are fat, I'll tell them the truth too

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