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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DD5 is just funny or is she rude.

141 replies

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 16:34

My DD, has come out with some funny lines, these are the examples:

Mother your getting on my nerves.
Mummy needs to exercise.
Saying yes after her godmother asked DD if she was fat.
Threatening to throw me out into the snow, after i threatened Peppa Pig with that same thing.

She also has an answer for everything.

Is she just honest or is she rude, curious to know what others think.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:19

"Do you like my new haircut?"

"No."

Oooh, no, I couldn't be doing with that

I wouldn't be able to keep the sufficiently covered to be polite

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:20

That's something, how do the German people you know (JustA and Alis) take being told they were fucking rude?

Is it a two way street?

5Foot5 · 05/01/2013 17:21

emeraldgirl1 Your godson is going to be delightful! Did his grandma not say anything to him when he was so rude?

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 05/01/2013 17:21

justaholyfool we live in Germany and my husband is German - my daughter's friend (age 8) called this morning while my daughter (age 7) and I were out, and my husband passed on a message that the friend was going to call back shortly. DD said she didn't feel like playing with the friend today so please could we not pass the phone to her...

I (British) told my DD to make an excuse, say she's tired or has homework to finish

DH (German) was shocked and said I shouldn't tell her to lie, she should just tell the friend she doesn't feel like playing with her

Of course he was right that I shouldn't have told her to lie, but should he have told her to tell her friend she didn't feel like playing with her, and thus hurt her feelings? Classic British-German cultural dilemma which your post reminded me of :o

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 17:22

DD told me once she hated me, she got read the riot act said sorry and has never said it again. Other things she has said, she got a telling off for.

OP posts:

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 17:22

Well exactly AgentZigZag I wouldn't ask if I was fat if I wasn't prepared to be told I was.

I think the Germans have a healthier self-esteem than us. So if someone doesn't like their jumper, they can deal with that rather than get all about it.

Oh to be so confident that the opinions of someone I've met twice don't bother me.

HecatePropolos · 05/01/2013 17:23

Yes. She's 5. She's shy.

If you don't teach her now how to think how her words may come across, then when she is no longer shy, how is she going to be?

you asked our opinions! That is mine.

You have a shy 5 year old.

She won't always be 5 or shy. Are you saying that you don't need to teach her how to interact with strangers until she is doing it? No. You need to do it now, so she grows up knowing how to do it. Not wait until she's 15 and not shy and turns to a stranger in the supermarket and says "you need to exercise"

What you teach her now is what will equip her when she is no longer either shy or 5.

This is not a criticism of you or her.

SminkoPinko · 05/01/2013 17:24

Agree with Alldirections. She sounds honest, normal and funny for 5 but definitely stroppy in a way that needs to be pointed out and curtailed at times.

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 05/01/2013 17:26

I do agree the godmother was setting the little girl up - her fault.

I have a 5 year old boy who will say in a very matter of fact way that I am fat (if there is a context in his view, such as if it ha been mentioned on television and he will say "But you're a bit fat mummy, does that mean you are more likely to get ill? You should do sport I think" very much not as an insult) and will describe people as fat when talking to me, but will also tell others that we shouldn't say to people that they are fat because it makes them sad and is very aware indeed he cannot say it to anyone else. How children talk to their parents is often a very different thing to how they talk to others. I am not sure how he'd react if asked a straight out by another adult "Am I fat?" question though, I suspect he'd look at the floor and say he didn't know and be very uncomfortable indeed - how horrible for an adult to put a 5 year old in that position!

Andro · 05/01/2013 17:27

Teaching a 5yo when honesty may not be the best policy is not easy. My DH had the bright idea of telling DD about 'catch 22' and sometimes even the honest answer isn't the right answer, he even helped her colour in a little sign with it written on it. Imagine my reaction when a friend of DH asked my DD if she wanted to play with her daughter and out came this little sign. I asked her what the sign was for and got the following:

'If I tell truth [sic] I'll be naughty, but lying is naughty as well Mamá. What do I do?'

Trying to keep a straight face long enough to give the required guidance was a challenge. She really didn't know what to say...or understand that it would have been better to whisper her concerns to me rather than ask openly!

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 05/01/2013 17:28

GregBishopsBottomBitch I am sorry you have taken issue with my post, but I stand by it. I think you have been very lucky that your DD has not had an issue outside of the home yet.

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 17:29

Hecate i encourage her to interact with strangers, but at one point she was in tears, its a deep seated shyness,

shes normally first to share her sweets around to people, shes always ready to share with others, so no issues on that front.

Godmother, knew DD would say yes, they are very close.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:30

In Germany that would be totally fine by the sounds of it TheUK, but it is different if the majority of people don't use those expressions of honesty.

Then, the people using such straight talking and choosing not to be kind or subtle about it, can be seen as being manipulative or wanting to hurt the other person, i.e. there's a reason behind why they've been so honest because it's not the norm.

I know people like this, think of themselves as honest as they come and say it as it is, but really they pick and choose when that honesty is said and mostly use it to get what they want or point score.

And if someone's not using it to be manipulative, they're just socially inept (in this country, it wouldn't apply to Germany).

mrsjay · 05/01/2013 17:31

a shy child can turn into a socially awkward child and they could start to sound rude and be rude you need t tell her godmother to not ask her questions what if it was a friend in the playground who asked , and she was very close to her, she is 5 and I do think she is by what you are telling us quite forward even if you say she is shy ,

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:33

good point Andro, it's just so complicated!

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 17:33

I'm not saying otherwise AgentZigZag . I just mean that sometimes I prefer the straight-talking ways of other countries.

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 17:35

mrsjay i have pulled her up on things i've heard, when she told me she hated me, that was the worst she said to me. She said sorry for it, hasnt said it again.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:36

It'd crush me JustA, as well as probably making me laugh lots

comedycentral · 05/01/2013 17:38

Rude, your fault though as you need to guide her as a parent.

SminkoPinko · 05/01/2013 17:40

lol Andro! It just shows that insight does not always help...

ImperialBlether · 05/01/2013 18:05

She sounds really rude and you sound as though you laugh at her when she is rude, so she goes even further.

I've known people with children like that and I'm sorry to tell you I avoid them.

MrsKeithRichards · 05/01/2013 18:10

Oh for fuck sake I can't see this thread for a bunch of cats arse mouths.

MrsAmaretto · 05/01/2013 18:10

It's rude.

You explain that you tell her off about other behaviour and she's generally well behaved with her peers, but you need to do so with things like this too. Laughing suggests its funny and acceptable and it's not.

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 18:12

Imperial I have told her off for things shes said, all of those comments have been directed at me, and i have told her off, when i know shes said them for a reaction, and no she doesnt go further on with things shes said, shes quite polite, to people shes familiar with. She must get frustrated with me.

Shes not an awful child, she tells me she loves me pretty much everyday, and often tells her family and my friends she loves them too.

OP posts:

FellowshipOfFineFellows · 05/01/2013 18:13

I think I'd put it down to testing the boundaries and being cheeky, not rude. My DD, also 5, is the same.

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