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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DD5 is just funny or is she rude.

141 replies

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 16:34

My DD, has come out with some funny lines, these are the examples:

Mother your getting on my nerves.
Mummy needs to exercise.
Saying yes after her godmother asked DD if she was fat.
Threatening to throw me out into the snow, after i threatened Peppa Pig with that same thing.

She also has an answer for everything.

Is she just honest or is she rude, curious to know what others think.

OP posts:

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 16:58

Im trying to tone down her direct to the pointness, i have been told she is very well behaved and friendly. and she very chatty.

I shoulda mentioned it earlier, so sorry to drip feed, i know its annoying, but her teachers thing she has an un-named issue, concerning stubborness, and reaction to strange adults.

OP posts:

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 17:00

Agent I agree - if one of mine did it, they would be swiftly pulled up on it - but from a young age they have been taught to be polite and respectful, whereas (from things that parents have said) the DD was much longed for and they don't want to crush her spirit by telling her off.

mrsjay · 05/01/2013 17:00

children do come out with things especially at 5 and of course they cant always be tactful but we do try to steer them in the right direction

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 17:01

I think it was pretty silly of the godmother to ask if she was fat if she wasn't wanting an honest reply. This is one of the things I really dislike in the UK, you have to lie CONSTANTLY to people in order to placate them.

HecatePropolos · 05/01/2013 17:04

"she'd be unlikely to be rude to a stranger"

now, perhaps. But give her 5 years...

It's time to start the social training, I think

MarmaladeSkies · 05/01/2013 17:05

Yes children do say inappropriate things at this age,because they're still learning social rules and etiquette,but that's why it's so important for the adults in their lives to guide them and tell them when and why personal comments are rude.

If this child does wind up with the reputation of being a brat then it won't be her fault.It'll be the fault of the adults in her life,it doesn't sound like her grandmother is helping either,and it's beyond me why her godmother asked her such a stupid question,but no matter whose fault it is,being the child who is known as a brat and who is rarely invited to parties won't be any fun.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 05/01/2013 17:06

I think rude, but as others have said I don't think those around her are helping her to learn any better. What on earth did GM expect a child to say? Sounds to me as though your DD was being treated as a performing monkey in that example, which I personally have major problems with, at the age of 5 she could and should be encountering a wide range of people without you being there. If she repeats things like this expecting a laugh, and gets a strict reaction, it could be very shocking and upsetting to her.

Allowing her to be disrespectful to you now will cause problems in the future, as she is getting old enough not to know that she speaks to her DM in a different way than her friends speak to theirs.

I don't like the tone of this thread, because it sounds to me as though you are proud of having created, yes created, an insolent madam who people will not want to spend time with. TBH I feel v. for your DD

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 17:06

Hecate, as i said earlier, strangers freak her out, so until she grows out of that, then it would be unlikely.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:06

I must admit DeafL, after waiting 9 years for DD2 I have wondered whether we're going to be too soft on her in comparison to how we treated DD1 at the same age.

It's really difficult to gauge.

She's only 3 at the min and is good at doing what she's told, but she's just started nursery so goodbye to all that

I'm definitely not in the preferring a spirited child camp, so hopefully the fact that I'm keeping an eye on myself will mean I won't end up with another 12 YO bratty child at some point.

AllDirections · 05/01/2013 17:06

I agree JustAHolyFool It's ridiculous that we have to tiptoe around people all the time. I was recently asked when I'm due. I'm not pregnant but I look like I am so I'm not going to take offence. I particularly wouldn't be offended if a young child said I had a fat tummy because I do.

MarmaladeSkies · 05/01/2013 17:08

Where did I get grandmother from? Godmother sorry.

honeytea · 05/01/2013 17:10

Why is her godmother asking a small child is she is fat?

marquesas · 05/01/2013 17:11

At age 5 I'd certainly be expecting a child to know that some things aren't appropriate to say.

An adult (the godmother) might also think about the negative body issues she's bringing up with a young girl, it's a bit of a bugbear of mine why women condition young girls to be concerned about weight and appearance.

Bonsoir · 05/01/2013 17:12

Rude.

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:12

It's not considered lying not to tell someone you think they're fat if you do/they are.

There are ways of responding to that question without an outright 'yes, you are', and the most successful people are those who consider other peoples feelings.

You might not mind being told AllD (and I'd probably laugh too and tell they were cheeky), but some people would be mortified and if they've got a low self esteem it would really play on their minds.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 05/01/2013 17:13

Very foolish to ask a 5 year old if you look fat. If you don't look fat its all gravy. If you're even a little bit plump they will be brutal.

Your DD is the same age as mine and while I wouldnt turn a hair if she said most of this to me (I think you become immune to a lot of cheek with your own children) I would tell off if she said it to someone else. It's a bit too blunt. She needs telling when she's overstepped the mark. Also she's not funny. Neither is my DD when she speaks like that.

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 17:13

AllDirections It is something that has been getting on my nerves more and more. I have lived in different countries and I always get comments about how insincere British people are because they never tell the truth. I used to always defend us, saying how we were just being polite, oiling the wheels etc. But actually, it IS stupid. You never know how people actually feel, you have to tell your friends how "gooooooooorgeous" they look all the time: even in couples, people pussy-foot around each other.

Sometimes I long for Germany. Actual conversation with a friend: "Do you like my jumper?" "No, it is ugly."

Ha. At the time, I was totally gobsmacked, but I really miss that level of honesty.

Anyway sorry for the derail OP.

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 17:14

AgentZigZag a five-year-old girl can't possibly be expected to be able to navigate the convoluted social niceties involved in her godmother asking if she's fat.

mrsjay · 05/01/2013 17:14

Why is her godmother asking a small child is she is fat?

that is what i was thinking why is she joining in on adult conversations like that what was the need for her to ask if she was fat or not

emeraldgirl1 · 05/01/2013 17:14

Not sure about it as depends on the age to an extent?
My 5yo godson has just this afternoon told me and his grandma (quite aggressively, not in a jokey way), "shut up and stop talking, you're smelly!" His mum laughed. I think 5 is old enough to be told not to talk to people that way.
Oh and he also told me at the same time, "YOU didn't give me a Christmas present' (not true, I gave him a bloody nice one) and his mum said that I had but didn't say anything to him about not being rude OR suggest he might say thank you for the present...

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/01/2013 17:16

I think it's learned behaviour.
She's hearing things from other people, and thinking it's ok to say it.
You've got to teach her the difference between funny and honest and rude by example.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/01/2013 17:17

Just I loved that about Germans when I visited. A friend of my DP has a German wife so I still get a dose of refreshing honesty on occasion.

"Do you like my new haircut?"

"No."

No messing about placating me with "oh yes it's fine.totally fine..." Just the no everyone else was thinking and not saying. I grew out the new haircut I didn't even like swiftly!

AgentZigzag · 05/01/2013 17:17

I partly agree with you JustA, that it's difficult to sift out the truth if nobody's prepared to give it to you straight, but most of the times I'd really rather not be given the truth so baldly.

Which is possibly why I don't ask the question in the first place

Original poster

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 05/01/2013 17:18

JustAHolyFool Me and the Godmother have be friends for 25 years, so we do nothing but honesty, i guess DD sees that.

No Little You can make assumptions, but her teachers have never had an issue with her behaviour, nor her being rude to other children, so she isnt a brat, shes friendly to children even children she doesnt know, and dont make out that i never tell her off, because i will when she needs it.

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 05/01/2013 17:18

At 2 it'd be amusing. At 5 I really think the examples you give are rude. Even if the things she says are true, it isn't too early to teach her that you don't say things that are hurtful and rude.

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