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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how sex can be "unnatural"? TMI alert

142 replies

PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 00:44

Been with DP just over 12 months, we only ever have sex in the missionary position. I have tried to instigate other things but he somehow manages to veto them.
Normally I sleep in his arms but last night I wanted more space and turned over to sleep. DP snuggled in to the back of me and used this as a perfect opportunity to take control and put DPs thing in from behind. It wasn't going particularly well but DP didn't move away. But just as it seemed to be getting in the right place DC woke up and needed tending to.
When I returned, DP got on top as usual and said "this is better, that other way was unnatural" Confused

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 05/01/2013 01:04

Sounds like he has hang ups.

Don't know what to suggest, but I think stuff like this is very deep rooted.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Are you happy other than this issue?

InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 01:04

Get him drunk OP and tell him you want him to do you doggy. Maybe try find some Spanish fly to slip in his drink

So when your having sex (god such personal questions) do you stick you legs in the air? Around his back? Pillow under your bum? Legs on his shoulders? Or is it literally missionary position with no extras?

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:04

Yes discussion would be seen as criticism especially this far down the line.

OP posts:
thornrose · 05/01/2013 01:04

It seems he was prepared to try something different until you were disturbed and then thought better of it. I'd say he has deep seated issues, sorry, I realise that's not helpful!

Casmama · 05/01/2013 01:05

Ok so stop faking it immediately- it is dishonest but more importantly encourages sex that doesn't do it for you.
When you don't fake it he will surely notice and that is your opportunity to say this isn't working for me tonight honey could we try a different position, how about . . . . .

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:07

No extras Brandy I try to wriggle free to maybe lift my legs up or something but he doesn't take that as a cue to do anything just I assume thinks I'm getting more comfy or something.

OP posts:
SinisterBuggyMonth · 05/01/2013 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:07

I tried getting us both drunk. So I had dutch courage to ask for more and could blame the drink for it in the morning. He was so drunk he couldn't get it up!

OP posts:
Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:09

He knew it wasn't bumsex. My reply was along lines of its hardly like I put it up my bum. He just laughed and said fair enough.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 05/01/2013 01:09

Good point Sinister

thornrose · 05/01/2013 01:09

I think you should try to talk about it away from the bedroom, with or without alcohol!

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:11

Cas I stopped faking last time. He just kept changing speeds, going deeper etc til in end he just went for it and begged me to come. So I faked it on the last second.

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 01:12

Op I shouldn't be laughing but I am.

Fuck it tell it to him straight, say I am bored of this and can we both spice things up a bit. Buythe karma sutra (why not) and tell him you want to work your way through it.

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:12

And say what?

OP posts:
cynner · 05/01/2013 01:13

I think some men feel anything other then missionary is not masculine..
Can you speak to him in a moment when you are both relaxed..let him know it would heighten your pleasure if you could try some new positions? Nothing scary,like "oh let's get a sex swing"

InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 01:14

Give him the book say dp I want to spice things up its getting slightly samey all the time. What do you want to try first.

thornrose · 05/01/2013 01:14

I do find it odd/sad that you can't discuss this. What are you afraid of? What do you think will happen if he feels criticised?

cynner · 05/01/2013 01:14

Or ermm..Work our way backwards through the Karma Sutra..

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:15

I've tried so many hints like handed him 50 shades of grey and said start at chapter 15 we might learn something new to try. He just laughed and put it down and carried on with what he was doing.

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 01:16

No your going to get flamed now for mentioning that shite book.

Stonefield · 05/01/2013 01:18

First of all Abbierhodes, stop worrying about consent, if a man is pushing it into your back when he's asleep he's willing and wanting it, this being proved by the fact that he's climbed on top and finished.

OP you need to go for it! If he won't discuss it then take control, definitely stop faking it and just tell him what you want. Is it always in bed? How about varying location? I know it can be difficult sometimes with DC's, but trying to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves no matter what time of day. Can't you get him to bend you over the kitchen table?

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:18

Sorry but I was desperate and I agree its shite but I only found out after I bought it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/01/2013 01:20

How well do you know him and how much do you know about his past?

Is there a chance he may have had a bad experience/relationship that's clouding things for him?

thornrose · 05/01/2013 01:20

I would say "I love you and I love having sex with you but I want to try something other than missionary because it's boring "

Original poster
PepsiCoco · 05/01/2013 01:20

If only stone I suggested I scrubbed his back in the shower thinking there's no room to lie down but he declined and said he'd prefer to shower in peace.

OP posts: