To make it my mission to teach this little girl to read?

[Seekingadvice13]

I'm a regular poster but have name changed just in case for this.

My mum has recently started looking after the dd of a woman who lives near her and she knows a bit, wouldn't exactly call her a friend. She's going to be having her two evenings a week when the dd goes back to school, as the mother has found herself a job and has nowhere to send the dd on those nights- she's been unemployed for a while now so my mum wants to help her try and hold down a job as much as possible. We don't knowing about the mother but its not an ideal family set up, just the two of them and social services have been involved in the past. I'm living with my mum ATM for various reasons, I also can't work ATM so I have and will be seeing the dd fairly regularly.

We've had her over quite a bit since Christmas, and I discovered a few days ago that she can't read. She's 7, in year 3, and she doesn't seem to have a clue. I don't have my own Dcs yet so i don't have anything to compare to yet but surely not being able even sound out short words aged 7 isn't good? My mum mentioned it briefly to the mother, she is aware but basically said her dd is just "thick" and can't learn, end of. I don't get the impression she's helping at home at all.

She's not thick, you can tell that much from spending time for her. She just can't read.

The mother's English isn't brilliant, she speaks to the dd in Albanian, they also speak another obscure language at home. The DDs spoken English is perfect though, no issues there.

Clearly the mother isn't going to do anything, would it be completely overstepping the mark to attempt and teach the dd to read when she's round here? I don't really know what I'm doing, going to have to do some research, but I refuse to believe she's just "thick" and deserves to be written off. Or is this interfering?

what nellyjelly actually said 'What is wrong with the OP just doing a bit of reading with this girl. When friend's children are round at mine, this is something I might do'

..'doing a bit of reading with' (to me anyway) sounds much more purposeful than the later example of joining in the girls' game of 'school'.

Op said she wanted to 'make it her mission' to teach this girl to read.Sounds like it is all about her .Who does she think she is Professor Higgins?

Also, My DM was told I could not learn to read at school, having left it to the proffessionals. She was asked for permission to get the Educational Psychologist in.

She refused and told them if they could not do their job, she would. Two weeks later I was a fluent reader. She has left it to the very overstretched proffessionals and they had failed me.

I'd do what others have suggested, get reading into other activities like baking and following a recipe and just reading stories to her. I think she'll response positively if she's keen. Knowing our CM, the kids are usually pretty knackered after school so you don't want to make things stressful for her. But helping with her homework, doing activities she enjoys (maths, colouring, role play or whatever) will all help her feel valued.

I'd definitely pick her up from school so you can at least subtly let the teacher know your mum is looking after her x days a week. I'd be careful about getting too involved at the school though as that could be stepping over the mark.

We use a CM and she does phonics with DD (same scheme as school) as a gentle reinforcement. I'd be annoyed if she started talking to DDs teachers about her progress etc. That's for CM to talk to me about and me to talk to school.

Oh, I'm not implying you'd do that seeking, just to be careful not to get too involved without the mum's knowledge

There are some very weird people out there - and some of them are on this thread. Bizarre.

I would definitely, definitely not speak to the mother first - it sounds like there is every chance she would stop you helping her DD and stop your Mum having her and that wont help the little girl one bit.

Purple - the difference is you are an active, interested parent who hasn't written her child off as too thick to learn.

Sorry, but I don't agree with that (and god knows, I'm probably wrong and badly informed). But it doesn't seem right to exclude the mum deliberately.

I'm sure the girl is really enjoying being read to and having this attention. I'd worry that if her mum was sidelined, she might end up feeling her mum (and her mum's languages) are somehow not very important, mightn't she?

Seeking my ballet mad dd has two sets of ballet based books (Adele geras & fairy ballerina) she has outgrown but would be criminal to throw.

Pm me if you want them.

I think just hearing her read her school reading book wouldn't hurt.

Be very careful to only be encouraging, praise her for every effort and never say anything negative, her confidence may be very low as by that age she probably realises she's behind her peers.

LRD - it's OK we don't have to agree, the OP can read all the posts and it will help her decide what she thinks is best. I just think that in this situation, with this child, not telling the mother would be the best thing. The mother has said the child is too thick to learn and so there's no point - either she really thinks this or she is doing all she can to prevent her DD learning to read and write - what if it's the latter and she takes the DD away from the OP and her Mum? SS have already been involved, the child is left home alone, there have been issues with past bfs etc I think this child needs all the help and support she can get and if that means getting it without the mothers permission, then so be it. IMO.

Of course. I said 'sorry' because I'm disagreeing with quite a minor point (maybe even a quibble), but I do agree with the rest.

I would worry (being soft) that the mum is perhaps saying these things for reasons that aren't entirely to do with her actually thinking her child is stupid. But I don't know, and I certainly accept that to a large extent, that's not important compared to the importance of this little girl getting to feel she is not stupid at all.

I suppose the only issue is, if the OP is able to sweet-talk the mother and explain what she is so passionate about doing, might she get a better result? And with that, only the OP will be able to judge.