To make it my mission to teach this little girl to read?

[Seekingadvice13]

I'm a regular poster but have name changed just in case for this.

My mum has recently started looking after the dd of a woman who lives near her and she knows a bit, wouldn't exactly call her a friend. She's going to be having her two evenings a week when the dd goes back to school, as the mother has found herself a job and has nowhere to send the dd on those nights- she's been unemployed for a while now so my mum wants to help her try and hold down a job as much as possible. We don't knowing about the mother but its not an ideal family set up, just the two of them and social services have been involved in the past. I'm living with my mum ATM for various reasons, I also can't work ATM so I have and will be seeing the dd fairly regularly.

We've had her over quite a bit since Christmas, and I discovered a few days ago that she can't read. She's 7, in year 3, and she doesn't seem to have a clue. I don't have my own Dcs yet so i don't have anything to compare to yet but surely not being able even sound out short words aged 7 isn't good? My mum mentioned it briefly to the mother, she is aware but basically said her dd is just "thick" and can't learn, end of. I don't get the impression she's helping at home at all.

She's not thick, you can tell that much from spending time for her. She just can't read.

The mother's English isn't brilliant, she speaks to the dd in Albanian, they also speak another obscure language at home. The DDs spoken English is perfect though, no issues there.

Clearly the mother isn't going to do anything, would it be completely overstepping the mark to attempt and teach the dd to read when she's round here? I don't really know what I'm doing, going to have to do some research, but I refuse to believe she's just "thick" and deserves to be written off. Or is this interfering?

Surely given this little girl a bit of extra tuition is not going to hurt her. Our culture of "mind your business" is not always best.

All judgments aside, your motives are honorable and you are not seeking to harm the child in any way. She may benefit greatly from it and may one day remember you kindly for your help.

I work in an infant school and work with children of all abilities and with varying degrees of language development. We have children from a wide mix of backgrounds and the children have a wide number of languages spoken between them all. I teach phonics and obviously do a lot of work listening to children read and helping children learn to read.

I too am surprised at how much flack the OP has received. It would seem some posters just look for things to pull an OP up on.

So long as mum is aware I see no reason why you cannot help the child and it is lovely that you wish to put yourself in order to do so.

Parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles have, for years. helped their children with reading and it does not confuse children generally. Infact usually support from home is very helpful and, indeed, in most situations a child who is supported at home with their learning, will make faster progress.

Before she goes back to school arm yourself with some phonics awareness. Listen to all the sounds - you need to use pure sounds, not buh, cuh, etc. A quick google will have you on the right track.

At school we now use Floppy Phonics and there is an online site called Phonics International which uses the same ideas and written by the same person. The website has audio clips of the sounds. The site also has lists of which sounds are taught and the general order, plus posters showing these. There are many other sites out their - check they use synthetic phonics first.

Some online phonics and reading games might go down well as they are fun activity to do after school.

Lots of reading wherever you can. Have her point out sounds and words as you read. Then you can see if she represents the letters on the page to words being said, and if she follows the words from right to left across the page.

You don't really say her current position in term of reading ability so identifying that is a good pint. You say the child has good English so talk to her about reading and books, what she reads at school, and you may well find out if she has additional support at school for this too.

And just make it fun :)

If mum is happy, then go ahead. It is unlikely you will do any harm tbh. Tjousands of adults do it every day after school without causing confusion and upset, so I don't see why you should.

Glad to see page two of this thread is a whole lot more supportive

I think it's great that you're taking an interest. Good luck.

And I have to say the amateur comment really pissed me off, surely as non qualified parents we are all amateurs - surely no one would suggest we didn't do our best to encourage our DCs to learn to read

It's really nice you want to help and I recon you could make a huge difference even if you just spent half an hour reading both nights. The best thing you can do is help her read the reading books that the school send home. It will probably give you an insight into her reading level. What ever you do make it fun and make her feel clever.

Seekingadvice13 Absolutely did not mean to come across as xenophobic, my apologies if I did. All I meant was that perhaps lack of English exposure was a factor in the dd having difficulties learning to read, didn't mean to come across xenophobic at all, I apologise if that was badly worded blush I only said 'another obscure language' because I didn't want to risk identification in RL given I had already named the Albanian which isn't a common language. For what it's worth my mum speaks the second language which is part of the reason she got to know the mother, and I'm from an unusual ethnic background myself. Completely unintentional to come across like that, my apologies if I did.

Don't bother to apologise to this den of vipers, they scent blood now so you are eternally damned as a racist and a xenophobe. Although I reckon you are just someone who would like to help a kid read.

I think it's lovely that you want to help. I would speak to the mother first and check that she has no objection to your doing various activities that will help her DD in school and if she is happy with that ask if she can send her DD with her school reading book and other homework. She may well be happy for you to speak to the little girls teacher about the best way you can help her. It's a shame that more people wouldn't put themselves out in this way. Of course, if you are out of work for a while, you may well find that a local school would love to have you come in and volunteer to help with reading etc in anycase, whatever happens with this individual girl.

Well she can't read in Albanian. She said something to me about missing reception out and starting school in year 1- any ideas there? I don't have my own DCs yet and so I'm not entirely clued up on the education system!

I've been reading to her, from what I can tell she just doesn't seem to know the phonics, I'm by no means an expert though. But she did enjoy it, so there is hope. I'm going to have a look at the phonics recommendations :)

You sound very down on the mother and judgemental seekingadvice. Because of this, I think it would be better if you stayed out of this family's lives and did not get involved. Just leave your mother to do the kindly offered childminding.

Trying to teach a child to read is a lovely thing to do, but not if your motivation is bound up in an inherent criticism of the way they are parented, with undermining the parent. This child is not your 'project' op.

If you're really interested in helping children to read, why not volunteer to do so at the local school? I'm sure they would appreciate it.

lastSplash
I'd be a bit judgmental about a parent that repeated described their own child as "thick".

Pessary - stop stirring and read the whole thread there are plenty of supportive comments.

repeatedly not repeated

I am about to volunteer through work to help children learn to read at an inner London school. My DM is a long serving VRH (now Beanstalk) volunteer. My DDs school want parents, grandparents etc to read at school with small kids. If you have a love of books and words of course you should pass this on to this child.

When did she come over here, if she wasn't born here? Might that be it?

I know a few people who kept their children out of school until age 6 - mostly people who didn't feel it was right to send them in very young because in their countries, you don't. It's possible her mother did that?

Def do it as long as mum happy. So what if school have plan or not. What they can do in their allotted time will be a drop in the ocean compared to the intensive help you'll be able to give. Good luck.

May I say?

In several countries I know of where children start school formally at age 6/7, there is teaching of reading before that, at home or in kindergarten.

I wonder therefore if her mum perhaps has the worst of both worlds - maybe not knowing how to teach her to read in English at home, and not being very familiar with the UK school system where schools pick up this stuff earlier.

But now I'm really speculating so should probably stop.

It's great she enjoyed you reading with her.

I haven't read through all the posts here but as far as i can see it would do no harm to share books and read with this child. If you can help her in any way then it i think that would be great.

In your position I think I'd spend the time reading to her. Let her choose the books. You could ask her mum if she has a library card and take her to the library to choose if you don't have many children's books around. Reading to her won't conflict with anything the school is doing and it might help inspire a love of reading.

I can understand why it could feel scary when you're starting to teach someone, though?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Pessary - stop stirring and read the whole thread there are plenty of supportive comments.

Only after the OP issued the grovelling mea culpa apology. I just sometimes don't like the burn the witch gang mentality.

I don't really understand the attitude of many posters at the beginning of this thread. If she's seven, speaks English fluently and if there are no SEN involved (OK, we don't know that yet), then it's appalling that she can't read. What the hell is happening in school?

If her mum is happy with you helping, I would take a look at what the school are sending home with her - you can probably judge from the material whether it looks as though they think she has SEN - and work through it with her.

I will certainly get flamed for this, but if she is in a large class in an underresourced school, I think it is all too possible that she might just be left to drift. I don't think you can necessarily assume that the school will have picked up on this or is doing anything about it. This might really make a difference for her.