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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not an unreasonable request?

151 replies

Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 11:22

I have NC as in have a feeling that SIL may actually be on here, although I hope she reads this!

SIL is 8 months pregnant, due to her age and health circumstances (high blood pressure) it has been decided to induce her early. SIL has private health care and got a choice of 2 dates, one of these dates being my mum's birthday and me and my brother have organised a party for her on that day.
So without consulting my brother she booked that day Angry, I'm sure she did it out of spite because this is how she is. She makes it no secret her dislike for my brother's family.

Now my brother will not be able to attend my mum's birthday and this has been the first christmas and birthday without her husband and she has been finding it really hard and wanting family around her.

I'm really pissed off at my SIL and this is just one of many things she has done to upset my mum and I.

The thing is WIBU to tell my brother to come and see my mum for an hour on the day? SIL would obviously have to wait a while in hospital before she is induced and my brother could slip away then and quickly see my mum before coming back? I now my brother really wants to see mum on her birthday and is secretly a bit pissed off that SIL has done this.

Thank you if you got this far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 13:56

dreaming oh he'll no. I accept that the dickhead things she has done in the past may have clouded my judgement now. But she is still an idiot for so many things she has done in the past that I don't want to particularly bore people with. I have a thread under an old NN that I will try and dig out where everyone was outraged at her behaviour. I shall try and find it and post it on here to show I don't just dislike her for no good reason.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/12/2012 13:58

Drip....drip...drip...

whistlestopcafe · 29/12/2012 13:58

I can't see the point of your brother visiting your dm on her birthday. Can't he just wish her happy birthday down the phone?

Also wasn't it rather stupid to plan a big birthday party for dm around the time of your sil's due date?

If you want your brother to be there you should have organised the party to take place at a later date.

Original poster
Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 13:58

elenor actually no she brought it forward because her friend couldn't come. Still expected me to go as I was bridesmaid. You can see there is give and take on both sides. I'm starting to see we are both as bad as each other, which I hate.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 14:01

So what OP.

You are being unreasonable in the current situation. Bleating on about what your SIL has done in the past to justify yourself is making you look a fool.

dreamingbohemian · 29/12/2012 14:02

Ah okay.

I do sympathise, sometimes people are such jerks that you just can't be objective about anything they do.

I still think it's a bit worrying if you can't figure out why your expectations in this case are so wrong. No matter how much you hate someone, you don't interfere with the day they give birth. Or is that not your experience?

EleanorGiftbasket · 29/12/2012 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 29/12/2012 14:05

x-post

Yes, expecting you to go to a party the day of your father's funeral is very wrong, I'd agree.

Maybe the new baby can be an opportunity to start over with a clean slate? Does she know how you feel about her?

GreatCongas · 29/12/2012 14:06

I can see why you have the party that day and not any other.
I can see past experiences have tainted your view of your sil
I can see why you're annoyed
But you have to let it go. You'll be with your dm as will the other guests so she won't be alone on what could be a difficult day (I know it's not just another adult birthday)
Leave it be for your brothers sake, for your dms sake and for the sake of your new dn

ZenNudist · 29/12/2012 14:10

I think YABU to put your dm's b'day above the birth of your dn. I also think your SIL is quite likely to have made her decision of what date to choose based on either how soon she wants to be induced and what is convenient for her. Her MIL's b'day will not feature in her choice. It's a private matter between your db and his wife and you have no right (or power) to insist on him attending the party.

ComposHat · 29/12/2012 14:21

YABU VVVVV U

Original poster
Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 14:29

I think a good mn bashing is what I need to put things into perspective. The thing is if there is an ongoing feud everything the other person does is construed to be a slight against them. Believe it or not me and SIL's little sister are best mates so I have known SIL before my brother did so its a shame that things are like this I suppose but you can't choose who you get on with.

alis I think that's a bit harsh to be fair.

OP posts:
Aspiemum2 · 29/12/2012 14:32

The bottom line is that it's none of your business. Your sil is the one having the baby, not you.
Get a grip, nobody plans their baby around a sodding birthday party - for spite or any other reason. Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

RedToothbrush · 29/12/2012 14:36

This is the woman who had her hen party the evening of my father's funeral...

Just to clarify, how far in advance do you plan a hen night? Would it be unfair to say that the funeral was organised for the day of the hen night, rather than the other way round? And if thats the case, maybe she didn't have a lot of choice...

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 14:37

selfish

Harsh...but true. I didn't say it to be unkind,gosh I could have said worse,I said it to be helpful.

It can be hard when you don't like someone to see anything they do as reasonable. I do understand that. But your SIL's past behaviour has no bearing on your idea of a reasonable request.

Original poster
Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 14:46

alis I didn't try to use what SIL done in the past to justify myself, I know I'm BNP. I just wanted to explain briefly why I dislike her so it doesn't look like I hate her for no reason at all. I acceptmy dislike of her cis clouding my judgement in this circumstance not that I am justified in my actions because of what she has done in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 14:47

*BU
Worst autocorrect fail ever.....

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 14:48

selfish

In which case I misunderstood and apologise.

biff23 · 29/12/2012 14:48

Do you have children because I doubt anyone who had gone through labour would think this was reasonable. He needs to be with his wife not his mum.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 14:48

OMG! I only noticed that when you corrected it Grin

LunaticFringe · 29/12/2012 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahWarahWoo · 29/12/2012 15:32

If it's the earliest date then I can see why she chose it, if it is not then unlikely that SIL would be able to attend party with a 1-2 day old baby. Either way YABU

phantomnamechanger · 29/12/2012 15:39

If she has past form for being a self centred so-and-so, then maybe OP not BU, however, this is for the DH/bro to sort out with his DW - she should have consuted him on this, he has to sort how he spends all his time on that day.

I can see some women delighting in having a baby on their MILs birthday, not as a nice pressie of a GC, but to ensure that their DH was duty bound never again to spend that date with his mother, but his child instead - she will be able to wave that card forever. To fix that deliberately when you had the option not to, knowing your DH had organised and paid for a party, is rather bitchy IMO.

i think though that there is a whole lot more to this than we know, and even than the OP knows, about the relationship between the SIL/DH and the SIL realationship with/opinion of the MIL

could even be this is her revenge for the hen night/funeral clash? how dare they have a funeral on a day that should be about her?

EllenParsons · 29/12/2012 18:01

Yabvu and sound paranoid!

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 18:19

Your past experience is clouding your judgement here.

Please just have some sympathy for her and encourage your brother to be supportive of her.