Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not an unreasonable request?

151 replies

Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 11:22

I have NC as in have a feeling that SIL may actually be on here, although I hope she reads this!

SIL is 8 months pregnant, due to her age and health circumstances (high blood pressure) it has been decided to induce her early. SIL has private health care and got a choice of 2 dates, one of these dates being my mum's birthday and me and my brother have organised a party for her on that day.
So without consulting my brother she booked that day Angry, I'm sure she did it out of spite because this is how she is. She makes it no secret her dislike for my brother's family.

Now my brother will not be able to attend my mum's birthday and this has been the first christmas and birthday without her husband and she has been finding it really hard and wanting family around her.

I'm really pissed off at my SIL and this is just one of many things she has done to upset my mum and I.

The thing is WIBU to tell my brother to come and see my mum for an hour on the day? SIL would obviously have to wait a while in hospital before she is induced and my brother could slip away then and quickly see my mum before coming back? I now my brother really wants to see mum on her birthday and is secretly a bit pissed off that SIL has done this.

Thank you if you got this far.

OP posts:
ll31 · 29/12/2012 11:57

Think you are very very unreasonable. Think how nice it will be for your mam on what could be sad day to have excitement and joy of new baby. .. You sound beyond unpleasant tbh

Schnarkle · 29/12/2012 11:57

Imagine the reverse of this post.

AIBU I have my induction booked and my sodding husband wants to slip off for an hour or 2 to his mothers birthday party. He reckons sure nothing will have happened and he'll be back in no time. I want my husband with me. AIBU?

ffs

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 11:57

Are people missing the fact that the SIL is being induced early? Pre-eclampisa can develop really quickly, even if she isn't necessarily being induced til later that day, she and the baby will be continously monitored. Not unreasonable for her to want her husband with her, I bet she is terrified (I was).

And I hate to say it, but it's very likely she'll be induced earlier than any planned date - if she's developing high BP now it could be any time if her condition worsens. This is very possible and has probably been spelled out to them - please do not put your brother under any pressure they must be terrified.

Why are some people so selfish?

backwardpossom · 29/12/2012 11:58

You sound mental, OP.

ErikNorseman · 29/12/2012 11:59

It's better to leave the baby in there for as long as possible to get closer to term. She will have chosen that date (actually, she and her husband, your brother will have chosen that date) based on medical advice and based on what is best for their baby. Not to spite you. You sound utterly deranged.

yohohoho · 29/12/2012 11:59

I am so fucking lucky my dbro married my best friend.

OP yabu and a bitch

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 12:00

Big difference milf between getting some sleep and going to a party..

I think I would have fucking murdered DH if he'd gone to a birthday party whilst I was in hospital waiting to be induced, even if it was for the sodding queen. Don't care if it makes me selfish or not, frankly being induced early with a worrying illness that can potentially kill yourself or your baby is plenty enough reason to be selfish..

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 12:03

I particularly hate the fact that the OP says she hopes the SIL reads this?

Really? Really?

Do you know how downright nasty that sounds?

milf90 · 29/12/2012 12:05

He isn't going to a party he's goin to see his mum on a daythats going to be difficult for her because she lost her husband...

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 12:06

i bet his mum is perfectly ok about this, perhaps excited about the prospective granddaughter.
give it up op

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 12:07

sorry, grandchild.

milf90 · 29/12/2012 12:08

Oh and if it was pre eclampsia she would be in hospital now awaiting induction. Sounds more like pregnancy induced hypertension, in which case if she's at home her blood pressure would be stable and she's be on beta blockers, or she already had high blood pressure before pregnancy, in which case she would have been high risk throughout her pregnancy.

usualsuspect3 · 29/12/2012 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/12/2012 12:16

Have we been invaded by some anti sil organisation? Every second thread seems to be a slagging off a sil thread.

usualsuspect3 · 29/12/2012 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/12/2012 12:24

She doesn't like you,you say? How odd why could that be? Hmm

YABU.

Your brother is presumably annoyed that she made the decision without consulting him,I bet he doesn't really mind that it's on your mums birthday

RedToothbrush · 29/12/2012 12:28

I wonder why the SIL doesn't like the husband's family?

When I read threads like this, all I actually read is:

"Me, me, me, me, me and what I want."

And no concept of how to make someone else in the family feel welcome and part of it; which requires understanding and compromise and frankly a sense of priorities in the right order. Instead I see emotional abusive and controlling behaviour.

If you ask your brother to choose between his sister/mother and his wife/child then, then you'll usually loose and in circumstances like this... well you've not a cat in hells chance and if he actually does then the wife should be kicking him out the door just as fast as she possibly can.

MsElleTow · 29/12/2012 12:29

"Have we been invaded by some anti sil organisation? Every second thread seems to be a slagging off a sil thread."

I said the same thing on another thread, hobnobs! At least the MILs are getting a rest!Wink

curiousuze · 29/12/2012 12:35

Wow, just wow. Like someone else said, you have lost all perspective about this and you're being horrible. My induction was really stressful and I wanted my husband with me the whole time.

natcat86 · 29/12/2012 12:35

Wont a little grand-baby be the best birthday present for you mum? It will make the party more exciting, ask DB to send text updates.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 29/12/2012 12:37

Op you sound like an absolute bitch of a SIL to have. Your brothers wife is extremely ill and you're whining about a party? Grow up and stop being a brat.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 29/12/2012 12:37

whilst I sympathise with your mums situation, his place is with his wife. He can ring your mum, and mum should be excited about the baby coming, maybe on her birthday, its a fitting way forward from her troubles. If he was to leave SIL even for a while it will just reinforce her feelings about your family. perhaps with the new baby its time to try a bit harder to all get along.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 29/12/2012 12:39

Just to add,when I was induced,I was found to be favourable for ARM,and dd was born 2hrs 40 mins later.

dreamingbohemian · 29/12/2012 12:41

You cannot be serious.

I come from a family of insane narcissists and I don't even think they would be this selfish and dramatic.

dreamingbohemian · 29/12/2012 12:45

Even if she did do it out of spite Hmm the appropriate response on your part would be: how can I make the best of this for my mum?

Text updates is a great idea, maybe even skyping if everyone is up to it. Reinforce the idea that it's great she'll share a birthday with her grandchild.

Guilt-tripping your brother into leaving his pregnant/ill wife in the hospital, just so you know, is very very far down on the list of appropriate responses.