Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To think this is not an unreasonable request?

151 replies

Selfishsil · 29/12/2012 11:22

I have NC as in have a feeling that SIL may actually be on here, although I hope she reads this!

SIL is 8 months pregnant, due to her age and health circumstances (high blood pressure) it has been decided to induce her early. SIL has private health care and got a choice of 2 dates, one of these dates being my mum's birthday and me and my brother have organised a party for her on that day.
So without consulting my brother she booked that day , I'm sure she did it out of spite because this is how she is. She makes it no secret her dislike for my brother's family.

Now my brother will not be able to attend my mum's birthday and this has been the first christmas and birthday without her husband and she has been finding it really hard and wanting family around her.

I'm really pissed off at my SIL and this is just one of many things she has done to upset my mum and I.

The thing is WIBU to tell my brother to come and see my mum for an hour on the day? SIL would obviously have to wait a while in hospital before she is induced and my brother could slip away then and quickly see my mum before coming back? I now my brother really wants to see mum on her birthday and is secretly a bit pissed off that SIL has done this.

Thank you if you got this far.

OP posts:

FestiveElement · 29/12/2012 11:41

Also, plenty of people have to be alone when they are first induced, it isn't the end of the world. They don't induce by going straight to the drip, they try pessaries first.

When I had my induction I was given the first pessaries at 10.00 pm and my dp wasn't allowed back to see me until 8.00 am the next morning. Oddly enough, I was able to survive, what with all the nurses and midwives around, and the fact that nothing else was happening.

I find it hard to believe that the SIl didn't know that there was a big thing planned for her MIL on that day, so if she wants to make selfish decisions, then she has to accept that the consequence might be that she has to be alone for a couple of hours.

If she really can't cope with that, then she should change the date.

CecilyP · 29/12/2012 11:44

Personally, I think having a baby is a bit more important than going to a birthday party. Isn't your mum a wee bit excited that she could become a gran on her birthday. Who knows why SiL chose the later date - perhaps she has something on on the earlier date.

I too hope your SiL is reading this thread.

Guitargirl · 29/12/2012 11:44

I think you must dislike your SIL very much .

YABVU and I can't believe you even had to ask.

I feel sorry for the poor woman to be honest. Presumably this is their first child, she has health issues and she has her in-laws kicking off about a date she chose for her induction ??!!

BaronessBomburst · 29/12/2012 11:45

Bloody hell! And you think your SIL's a bitch??

Fairenuff · 29/12/2012 11:45

Can you see it from her point of view. The safe birth of her baby, or her MIL's party? There is really no comparison is there, one is clearly a priority.

And her dh should be with her the whole time. Nothing is certain, circumstances can change dramatically.

I know, I've been there. My dh was told by hospital staff to go home for a sleep and when I was suddenly and unexpectedly rushed into emergency c-section, he didn't make it back in time for the birth.

YABU. Be happy for them. You can all await the news at the party and then celebrate together when the new addition to the family arrives

Yama · 29/12/2012 11:45

I don't usually wade in when a lot of posters are telling someone that they are being unreasonable.

If you don't like your sil, fine. However, if you are fond of your brother then please don't suggest he leave his pregnant wife when she needs him. Don't sow that seed. She may resent him for a long time.

I get that you don't care about her but don't do that to him.

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 11:46

i dont understand all these yabu myself.

it is your brother's baby?
perhaps he wants it on his mum's birthday.?
sounds quite a decision. she probably didnt have that much scope in the dates.

there is not a lot you can do though is there, apart from rant? would you consider talking to SIL ,

the birth might take ages though, there might be a few attempts. what time is party?

Megsdaughter · 29/12/2012 11:46

YABVU, and look at it this way, your Mum may have GC born on her birthday!

MummytoKatie · 29/12/2012 11:46

To be honest if she is putting her desire to spite you and your mum above the health of her unborn baby then there are much bigger problems than your mum not seeing your brother on her birthday. I'd just leave alone.

Another point is that there is a good chance that your niece / nephew will end up sharing a birthday with her granny. How lovely! It will create an extra special bond between them! I'd be talking about this to your mum and brother a lot. I can't think of anything better at a birthday do than the announcement of a birth of a baby.

(Plus if SIL is just being spiteful then the best way to win is to make it not work.)

FestiveElement · 29/12/2012 11:47

Why is your poor brother only secretly pissed off about this?

Surely it's ok for him to say that he would have liked to have been consulted about the options they had for the day his child was going to be delivered?

BaronessBomburst · 29/12/2012 11:47

Very well said, Yama!

OddBoots · 29/12/2012 11:47

Maybe she thought that if she had booked the earlier date she would have been expected to bring her new baby to a family gathering, or just as bad, her dh would have been expected to leave her and her new baby a few days after birth in order to attend a family party.

CatchingMockingbirds · 29/12/2012 11:50

Maybe she thought it would be nice for MIL and her dc to share a birthday. Since MIL has been having such a tough time then having a grandchild on her birthday would be a great present surely, something positive?

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 11:50

the brother helped organise the party and his wife is being induced on that day? is that right, difficult one.

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 11:51

Do you even know anything about pre-eclampsia? It's serious FFS. Women still die from it, even in this country in 2012. It's a bit more important than anyone's birthday.

Is this a reverse AIBU? It's actually one of the worst I've read on here. Guessing if it's not the OP had very easy pregnancies and is one of those kind of people who spouts "pregnancy is not an illness" all the time. It can be very dangerous for some people..

I hope you've not said anything to your brother.

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 11:52

but as far as askign hyour brother to come and see Mum for the day, i think you shoudl leave that up to him personally.

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 11:52

Maybe she's scared! It's none of your business why she booked the date she did.

Why do some people make everything about them?

SaraBellumHertz · 29/12/2012 11:52

You must really hate your sil...

Please do not encourage your brother in thinking his wife has been in anyway unreasonable.

A birth trumps a birthday on any grounds. When the mother and baby are in poor health there is absolutely no contest.

Get a grip (and look on the bright side if your sil had booked the earlier date there is still very little chance that your brother would have attended the party - he would have had a wife and baby to look after)

Montybojangles · 29/12/2012 11:53

???
Health of her and baby vs birthday party. YABVU.

Perhaps she thought she was giving your mum the best birthday present of all, a GC born on her birthday.
I get the feeling she is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

happygilmore · 29/12/2012 11:53

Perhaps she went for the later date because she's terrified of having a baby born early? Who knows.

You sound horrible.

slartybartfast · 29/12/2012 11:54

pehraps the sil did not even know the dtae of the party at the time, She is probably worried about the impending birth,

GreatCongas · 29/12/2012 11:54

It's not just a birthday party is it. It's the first one the mother has had without her husband. That must be tough.
If the brother is secretly (presumably so as not to upset his wife) pissed off then I guess he has an inkling she has chosen that specific date to be awkward
Op I suggest you stay out of it but go out of your way to enable your brother to do things how he needs to.
I hope your mum has a nice birthday and it isn't too bitter sweet

piprabbit · 29/12/2012 11:54

When I was induced I wasn't asked to go in until 6pm.
If your SILs induction is planned to start late in the day, then no YANBU to think that your DB might be able to pop in to wish his DMum a happy birthday before taking SIL to the hospital.
However if the induction is an early start, then your DB will quite rightly be focused on his DW.

Have you actually spoken to your DMum about the way you feel? Are you sure she is upset, or is this really all about the way you are feeling?

milf90 · 29/12/2012 11:55

I don't get what's wrong with brother to leave sil for an hour BEFORE she's even being induced. She's a grown woman and can look after herself for an hour!!

And before anybody says anything, I was induced with pre eclampsia and I told oh to go home after I had been started to get some sleep! Sometimes u need to think of what's bet for everybody instead of being selfish

Iamsparklyknickers · 29/12/2012 11:56

Yabu.

What has your mum actually said or is it a case of people getting outraged on her behalf?

Your brother could take her for lunch the day before and make sure she gets to see the new baby as soon as his wife feels up to it. The date's booked now so there's no point in turning two happy occasions into two miserable drama fests is there?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7