To have told SIL "no...NOT Pardon!"?

[MrsMushroom]

We're abroad with DHs family.

DD aged 4 didn't hear something SIL said.....DD said "What?" and SIL said "WHAT? WHAT??? I think you mean PARDON don't you?"

I HAD to say..."No...in England "what" is fine. Or If you prefer..."sorry, I didn't catch that."

Was I rude? I just don't want DD saying "Pardon" or even worse "P'don"

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone!

Because you weren't listening properly! Because it is more diplomatic to take the blame than to accuse somebody else of being inadequate for not speaking clearly. A bit of politeness is what keeps the wheels of society running smoothly, not accusing people of not speaking properly and demanding to know what they said.

It is I beg your pardon or I am sorry
why should i beg or apologise cos someone cannot be arsed to speak audibly?
'what did you say' is just fine, and that is what i have taught my children - (along with 'bog' not toilet but that's another story!!!)

To my ears 'What?' sounds rude and accusatory - the subtext being how dare you not speak loud enough for me to hear.

'Pardon' sounds a bit like forelock tugging. But I don't object to it in the same way as I do 'What'

I tend to go with 'Sorry' which I think lies between the two.

Bog is a hole in the ground. Toilets aren't.

But that aside, as I say, to remain diplomatic and polite you don't demand to know what somebody said. The failing might be yours. Often, ime, 'what' is barked by people who are hard of hearing but are in denial about it and won't get a hearing aid.

"What" is rude. Many posters on here have agreed. Continue to teach your children to say what if you like, but a significant proportion of people will think they have been brought up with no manners.

Indeed trixymalixy

BigBaubledBertha, pardon is there with toilet on my list of vile words of low origin. If you care to use that word and teach your children to use it then you will be judged harshly.

In RL I have never met anybody who objects to pardon though. First I have ever heard of it being unacceptable is on here. I have seen plenty of people object to 'what' because nobody likes being barked at. Basic common sense even before it is a matter of manners. I won't be ordered around by anybody just because they couldn't be bother to listen to what they are being told.

MIL says DS's name
DS says "what?"
and she corrects it to "pardon"

How do you respond "pardon" to someone saying your name?!

Continue to teach your children to say what if you like - i don't i teach them to say 'what did you say' which is normal and polite -
everlong you are right about the schools, what can you do, except keep reinforcing what you believe to be polite at home.
One of my worst flatshare memories is this chap who thought it was polite to do a huge fart or burp - even lifting one arse cheek to do it - and then shout 'pardon me' - ewwwww!!!
then he told me i had ' a problem with bodily functions' !!
I was like - use the shitter like everyone else!!

In that instance your MIL is wrong. It isn't that your DS hasn't heard is it? In that instance, 'yes' would be nicer than what but what is OK. However, that isn't the same as saying what because you didn't hear.

I normally just say 'sorry?' if I don't catch what someone is saying.
I don't have a problem with the word 'pardon' but I'm Irish and we don't really have that social distinction thing regarding words like 'toilet' and 'serviette' . Mind you, I would have thought that would have died out by now in Britain as well.

exactly BBB

In RL I haven't met anybody who objects to toilet either. It is just some weird affectation of some people on here.

How on earth can 'shitter' be more appropriate than toilet. 9/10 it should be the pisser or the urinator surely? How often do you actually 'shit' in it.

Thankfully I'm Scottish and don't "do" class

I've lived in Scotland for the best part of a decade and if you don't see a class system at work than you are kidding yourself. The signifiers of class identity are different than in England, but they exist.

Take a stroll around Leith and then around Morningside or the New Town and you will see it all played out in front of your eyes. I am not talking about money, but the differences in language, dress, attitude, fod language, 'tastes' and accent are all there to see.

IME the truly posh say 'Eh?'

I am bilingual. I can say pardon or what equally happily. I know 'pardon' is questionable and 'what' is UC and I care not. I tend to say 'I didn't catch that' as a starter.

It doesn't really matter though. It's 'upwardly mobile' vs 'prissy' at the end of the day. Take your pick

BigBauble - that's because all the people who think 'pardon' is horrid are too polite to tell you. It would be awful to 'correct' an adult who is doing nothing objectively wrong, far ruder than saying 'what'.

I have never, ever told an adult or a child off for saying 'pardon' - they are being polite in their own way. I have corrected ds because he is my child and I can bring him up according to my rules (although of course he will inevitably rebel at some stage - we already disagree about toilet/loo because ruddy school calls it a toilet).

there are plenty of peoplewho also think "what?" is horrid
I'd be if someone said that to me

*In RL I haven't met anybody who objects to toilet either. It is just some weird affectation of some people on here.

How on earth can 'shitter' be more appropriate than toilet. 9/10 it should be the pisser or the urinator surely? How often do you actually 'shit' in it*
I was being a bit tongue in cheek about the 'shitter' BBB - but obviously you havent met my brother and his ilk - he has not spoken to me for ten years since my 4 year old remarked that his mil's house had two 'toilets'.
I quite like 'pisser' though now you mention it!

I can't imagine anybody does think 'pardon' is horrid (which is itself a horrible word btw - very upper class twit) not when they are using it themselves. The only people who use 'what' in RL are generally angry or just plain uneducated and haven't the social skills to work out how rude they sound.

'Shitter' isn't even a real word, it is just a swear word made into a noun to cause offence surely?

I think pardon is horrid. I would however be far too polite to let you know publicly.
I'm terribly sorry, but using 'what' in RL does not make me uneducated or lacking in social skills. Just right.

'Shitter' is a perfectly good U word, lidlqueen; but I fear 'pisser' is non-U, being French in origin.