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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told SIL "no...NOT Pardon!"?

563 replies

MrsMushroom · 25/12/2012 07:25

We're abroad with DHs family.

DD aged 4 didn't hear something SIL said.....DD said "What?" and SIL said "WHAT? WHAT??? I think you mean PARDON don't you?"

I HAD to say..."No...in England "what" is fine. Or If you prefer..."sorry, I didn't catch that."

Was I rude? I just don't want DD saying "Pardon" or even worse "P'don"

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone!

OP posts:

reindeercanteatsweets · 28/12/2012 10:03

Excuse me is better than what and pardon. It is posh but it can't be proununced incorrectly

catgirl1976geesealaying · 28/12/2012 10:04

Then your DH has mislead you about his social status festive

catgirl1976geesealaying · 28/12/2012 10:04

*misled

festivelyfocussed · 28/12/2012 10:06

Sadly not. School reunion is like stepping into a scene from Brideshead revisited

festivelyfocussed · 28/12/2012 10:08

I Happen not to care which word is used and am more interested in the tone. As I said before, I wouldn't dream of "correcting " someone's four year old on the matter. "yawn"

BigBaubledBertha · 28/12/2012 10:31

Indeed festively, tone is everything although in my head, 'what' always comes out as abrupt and rude even when it isn't meant to be. 'I beg your pardon' can be raised eyebrow and drawn out like 'how dare you' but most often it isn't, it is a request to be excused.

On another point, I don't get the 'what are you sorry for' line of those who think pardon apologetic - surely you are apologising for not having heard what the other person is saying? Wouldn't it be confrontational to be effectively saying 'you didn't speak properly/clearly/loudly enough' so instead, by saying sorry or pardon we are apologising to avoid the other person feeling bad for somehow not speaking properly? Of course if you want them to feel bad about not communicating properly then is the time to snap 'what' at them ( because there is no way to say the word by itself without snapping obviously )

PrideOfChanur · 28/12/2012 10:51

Agree tone is everything - in my head "I beg your pardon?" is quietly apologetic,unless I'm being appalled by something one of my DCs has said.As in pre-Xmas extreme rudeness from DS which got me racing upstairs to stand in his doorway declaimimg "I BEG your PARdon??"

Normally it doesn't imply to me I can't believe what has been said,just that I didn't quite catch it!

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:00

I BEG your PARdon
i know it sounds so aggressive doesn't it? and it is supposed to be 'polite'!!my daughter's year head said it to me like that when i asked her why she was spending the meeting copying an email from me by hand into her notebook.
I said to her..'it's ok you don't need to beg' which for some reason further incensed her with rage.
Think I will stick with 'what?'

trixymalixy · 28/12/2012 11:13

I've never heard "what?" used in a polite way, it always sounds rude. I beg your pardon can be used in an aggressive way, but also apologetic and at least used in a non aggressive tone, they are trying to be polite. I can't believe some of you teach your kids that "what" is acceptable, it always sounds rude.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 28/12/2012 11:16

I teach that "what" is acceptable, because it is

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 11:19

I just asked my 14 year old son what he would say and he said
'you fuckin what blud?'

trixymalixy · 28/12/2012 11:26

Not in my house it's not. What is corrected as it is very rude.

BigBaubledBertha · 28/12/2012 12:01

What always sounds like you couldn't give a shit if you hear or not but you better ask what they said just in case it might be important. I am not impressed by people who say 'what'. If they can't be bothered to have a conversation be honest and clear off. Don't go pretending to me you care what I say.

Of course some of you may not mean any of that at all when you say what and you can't help how you were dragged brought up but that is my gut reaction to 'what'.

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 12:03

you can't help how you were dragged brought up but that is my gut reaction to 'what
funnily enough that is my gut reaction to 'pardon' or still worse 'p'don' or to top it all 'i beg your pardon'

sue52 · 28/12/2012 12:04

What is fine. Pardon is unpardonable and ghastly.

SunflowersSmile · 28/12/2012 12:07

My 7 year old seems to have learnt 'pardon me' from school. He tends to say it if he burps or farts!

BigBaubledBertha · 28/12/2012 12:12

But I can't see how you can have the same reaction to pardon when it is a much gentler word and 'what' is so abrupt even in the nicest, friendliest tone of voice. Pardon is soften by having 2 syllables and what only has one. There is no escaping that. There is never ever a nice way of saying 'what' ever. End of.

What is acceptable to the upper classes and therefore deemed to be the correct word to use as that is what they say to the servants and they couldn't care less if they are polite to them. It was the word of choice for people like that who believe the world revolves around them.

BigBaubledBertha · 28/12/2012 12:13

I didn't realise I felt so strongly or I judged so harshly on one little word.

trixymalixy · 28/12/2012 12:15

So if we all stick to "sorry" then we should be ok. "what" comes across as rude to a significant number of people on this thread and "pardon" is either seen as rude or common to a significant number.

sue52 · 28/12/2012 12:16

You don't point at something and say pardons that, you say what. Same goes for when you ask someone to repeat what you haven't heard. Pardon is not the coprrect word. Nothing at all to do with class.

Sarraburd · 28/12/2012 12:16

Festively - disagree with your DH on that one - likewise went to Bridesheadesque school (at least a quarter of my class were titled families - Dukes, Viscounts, Earls, Lords, smattering of baronets). What was absolutely fine; I beg your pardon is OK too but what one would have said to one's grandparents rather than among one another.

Pardon definitely not, but it would be very rude to pull someone up on it. I now say "I'm sorry" rather than "what" though as DH is of the "what is rude" school so we agreed to compromise.

Agree with those posters who said the very aristocratic don't care, it's the more upwardly-mobile who get het up about it. My DF got het up about it, as our family were relative newbies and had made our money in Trade, god forbid.
It can all get quite ridiculous. My DF will sit there with no sugar/milk in his coffee rather than ask me to pass it to him, as it would be rude of him to suggest that i had been rude by not thinking to pass it to him...

amigababy · 28/12/2012 12:17

Exdp used to say "say again?!" It was a sort of reflex saying, but God it annoyed me (as did other things!)

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 12:20

My 7 year old seems to have learnt 'pardon me' from school. He tends to say it if he burps or farts - i really couldnt put up with that at all.

BigBaubledBertha · 28/12/2012 12:21

But it isn't what did you say (which in itself is aggressive - I say that to my children when I know perfectly well what they said but I don't approve) It is I beg your pardon or I am sorry, I failed to hear what you said so could you say it again please. Sorry for making you repeat yourself.

Agree, we should all stick to 'sorry' or even, could you repeat that please which is what we want them to do.

sue52 · 28/12/2012 12:23

Why should I beg the pardon of someone who speaks indistinctly? Stop apologising and just say what.

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