To have told SIL "no...NOT Pardon!"?

[MrsMushroom]

We're abroad with DHs family.

DD aged 4 didn't hear something SIL said.....DD said "What?" and SIL said "WHAT? WHAT??? I think you mean PARDON don't you?"

I HAD to say..."No...in England "what" is fine. Or If you prefer..."sorry, I didn't catch that."

Was I rude? I just don't want DD saying "Pardon" or even worse "P'don"

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone!

The bones of this issue really is that the OP was really quite rude to correct this to begin with. Pardon is more polite to the majority of people and what does often come off as rude, which is presumably why it was corrected for the OP's DCs (with children 'what' can sound especially whiny).

SIL was correcting politeness in a small child which I do think is acceptable, OP was correcting an adult's choice of words which is not.

I'm NW (England not London) and I say "what" (and it's a barmcake )

I say "pardon?" to my DCs when I haven't heard them and instead of repeating themselves, they say "did you burp or pump mummy?"
So its gone back to "what did you say?" in our house!

My DH is Southern and got very confused by barmcakes. Even more when we moved to Sheffield and they became breadcakes

He spent a lot of our early relationship shouting "It's a fucking "roll" for fucks sake"

"Muffin" will just blow his mind

Hmmmmmm, > revises anyway-flawed theory based on catgirl's new information < ...
Back to the drawing room board then...

flow

I do have horses though so I think the combination of that and my serving up some barmcakes would confuse liberty

Oh! Is that what a barmcake is then? Another word for roll? I always assumed it was something in the style of an Eccles cake or scone (ie a cake!).

Tidy no. The "bones" of this is that SIL felt it was her place to correct MY child's grammar.

It was not and is not.

I would NEVER correct someone else's child's grammar as that's like correcting the adult.

I also never corrected SIL but pointed out that in England we say "What or sorry I didn't catch that."

I never corrected her....I mainly wanted my DD to understand that her way is correct and she did not need any correction.

No, no, just a roll

Wait till you try a Butter Pie Tidy..........heaven

I have no idea whether I say 'what' or 'pardon' or 'sorry' actually. Nobody has ever commented on which is more or less proper as far as I can recall. I can't think what anybody else I know says either.

Maybe I'm not actually English! :(
Oh when will I find a place that I belong?

I'm afraid I disagree with you on that point. If a child is rude then it whoever is speaking with them's place to correct that. I assume your SIL felt she was being rude. Whether or not that is the case is another thing, you obviously feel she wasn't.

Again, whether or not your DD was correct is I suppose situational and depends on whether it was whiny. Personally, I would think a child who replied "what?" was probably impolite (but not a massive deal tbh), and I would've fully accepted someone pointing that out as long as it wasn't made into a big massive issue.

Not sure my first sentence is phrased right....

I meant that in the situation you describe, if I was you, I would think it was SIL's place to correct your DD as she was the one speaking with her. I certainly wouldn't expect a parent to jump in to do it.

Tidy but I would be a crap parent if I allowed others to correct my child when she was doing nothing wrong...and doing as she has been taught.

No I don't think you would be. It's a difference of opinion. You would be doing the best you can for her by teaching her that people see things differently. It is your perception she was doing nothing wrong, your SIL did not feel this.

Tidy Obviously SIL did not feel this....however, DD is 4 and I simply don't want her saying "pardon". I COULD have waited until later and then told DD "Ignore what SIL says....DO NOT say pardon."

And then DD would have corrected SIL next time. Far better to get it out and as I want it straight away. Especially among family. I probably would have said nothing if a shop assistant or someone had said it...then when we left, I would have told DD to ignore their advice.

Minefield.

Here is the wiki for U and non-U for anyone who is as confused as me

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_and_non-U_English

Soz, on tablet so this may not linkify.

Yeah, what Everlong said.

You clearly don't think your DD was being rude and SIL did. You like what and SIL likes pardon. This is down to choice then. And since SIL was having the conversation with your DD, I'm with her on this.

If this is a matter of opinion and it seems to be that it is, there is no point teaching your DD absolutes on it and you certainly would've been unreasonable to go to your DD later and say that (!).

Just leave it now, accept that your DD will be thought of as rude by some people and not by yourself. I think you need to just make sure her delivery is polite if you are adament you are correct.

You may need to teach your DD that while you think pardon is rude, most people don't so she needs to say pardon or sorry to other people, and what to you.

'What' is just plain rude. yabu.

'pardon' is dead common.

It's 'what' or 'sorry'