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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get really pissed off with other mothers who let their children behave appallingly and just ignore it?

120 replies

Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:10

Today I went out for lunch with DH and DS. DS is a real wriggle and finds it difficult to sit still for too long but we are being strict about it and instilling good behaviour in him (he's 2). He was doing really well and then suddenly a much older boy is standing on the bench next to him and announces his name. His mother came over and took him away. Two minutes later he's back and actually tries to climb over DS. His mother ambles over and mutters sorry. Then the same boy and two others (all 5/6) start climbing on all the spare seats and booths, sitting on top of the partitions and sliding along the alcoves at the back of all the booths, behind people eating. The mothers all sat finishing their drinks. When they had paid they picked their children up and they left. Not one of them was told off! I can't help but get annoyed with this kind of thing as we are trying to teach DS how to behave well and then he sees that kind of behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
sausagesandwich34 · 21/12/2012 00:14

YANBU

it's why we stopped going to 'family' restaurants

Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:15

Good point, Sausages!

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 21/12/2012 00:16

YANBU to be annoyed at kids climbing on things and annoying diners...they would only have done that to me once before I told them (or their parents if necessary) that I'm not putting up with it.

YABU to get annoyed because 'you're teaching your DS to behave well and he sees that kind of behaviour'.

He's going to see and hear a hell of a lot of different behaviours in his life so you may as well get used to it.

Then there's the fact that not all kids are NT and some may have problems you've not even considered.

Not that you should allow them to disturb your meal though.

PowerPants · 21/12/2012 00:17

YANBU. I have total sympathy. It's a restaurant not a soft play area.

Musomathsci · 21/12/2012 00:18

Stick with it. Boys can be particularly awful in restaurants and you are doing really well if you can get a 2 year old to sit still. I despaired of ever being able to take my eldest out for a meal, and he regularly had to be taken home mid-event due to his (then) ghastly behaviour. We got there in the end.

I can't bear to see children behaving badly with no adult intervention. I don't think it does them any favours at all, as bad behaviour makes them unpopular and unwelcome. Sigh!

YANBU.

chickensarmpit · 21/12/2012 00:19

I had a kid dip his finger into our gravy boat once. The mother just sat there stuffing her face. I couldn't believe it!
I laughed through shock i think. Ah well

Tryharder · 21/12/2012 00:20

Well good for you that your DS is so well behaved and therefore you can look down your nose at lesser mothers.

Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:21

What's NT?

I know he will see and hear lots of bad behaviour but I just get cross when other parents just ignore it. It's the fourth time in about as many weeks something like this has happened and it's starting to really annoy me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:24

Don't be silly Try. I said quite clearly that DS is a wriggle and I certainly never said anything about being a better parent.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 21/12/2012 00:24

Neurologicoly (sp) typical

Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:25

Thanks!

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 21/12/2012 00:26

Neurologically typical...in other words no special needs.

Don't get cross, learn to walk over to the parents and tell them (or the staff if you like) that your meal is being disturbed by the bad behaviour.

But your line saying I can't help but get annoyed with this kind of thing as we are trying to teach DS how to behave well and then he sees that kind of behaviour .....is very unreasonable because you can't expect the people around you to act accordingly just so none of them influence your child.

Part of parenting is to teach your child not to copy those around them...and that will come with time and age.

Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:31

So I can't expect other people to teach their children to behave properly?

DS actually said himself that they were naughty boys so he can obviously tell the difference himself.

Not sure about the tone of your post Worra - possibly a little patronising or not?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 21/12/2012 00:36

Some kids with SN's look NT though and will have behavioural issues what do you expect parents to do lock them up, talking from experience here I took my DS out despite his SN's and he learnt takes some much longer BUT I also didn't allow him to tear around anywhere annoying people if he got restless he was taken out very rarely happened as we took things to keep him occupied.

TwistedTinsel · 21/12/2012 00:40

so how would you suggest u make my sin behave?

TwistedTinsel · 21/12/2012 00:41

ffs i not u and son not sin

WorraLorraTurkey · 21/12/2012 00:42

Oh don't go wondering about my tone OP, if I was being patronising I'd tell you straight out.

Yes of course you can expect people to teach their children to behave properly...but you'd be unreasonable to think it's always going to happen.

And you're definitely being unreasonable to worry about your child witnessing it because your child will witness many different behaviours.

Then there's the very real chance that one day your child's behaviour in public will mortify you...and someone else will be unreasonably upset that your child has 'influenced' their toddler.

Do you see what I mean?

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 21/12/2012 00:44

yanbu, there's nothing more irritating than parents who refuse to teach their children to have consideration for others in public. It's so obnoxious for them to ruin other peoples meals because they can't be arsed parenting. A minority of selfish parents ruin it for everyone. I wish businesses would insist on children being welcomed only as long as their parents do their best to keep them under control. Only those with horribly behaved, annoying brats would be opposed.

steppemum · 21/12/2012 00:48

festive, I agree with worra, your line that she quoted did make me smile.

I am glad you are finding it so easy, and no you can't expect other people to teach their children to do as you expect, (however annoying that is) and you don't know anything about the other mum or her kids before you comment

In this situation I would have no hesitation in saying (loud enough for parent so hear) Please do not climb on the seats with your shoes, or Please go back to your mummy, we are trying to eat our lunch. Or even to the mum with a charming smile 'would you mind keeping your son over by you, he is disturbing our table'

WorraLorraTurkey · 21/12/2012 00:49

But catwoman surely it's up to the adult to have a quiet word with the management and tell them they're being disturbed and it's not on?

There's no point in seething in silence, having your meal ruined and then logging into an internet forum to sound off.

How does that change anything?

Original poster
Festivelyfedup · 21/12/2012 00:59

Just for the record I didn't seethe and it didn't ruin our meal. I'm just often irked by the people who let their children do what they like. I'm glad that there are others who agree with me. I realise there are others who get uppity about my views, if there weren't then i probably wouldn't have found the need to write my OP.

Oh and one other thing - we don't find it easy to ensure DS behaves well all the time but we do work hard to make sure he knows the boundaries and we don't give in or ignore him. Of course he isn't perfect all the time - what child is? Didn't realise some people would be so touchy about the behaviour of children they didn't know!

OP posts:
thecook · 21/12/2012 01:03

YANBU - You should visit Queens Park library in North West London when the kids come out of school. Yummymummies sit huddled in corners talking amongst themselves whilst their brats run amok. It really pisses me off. I go to the library for revision. I don't have a decent computer at home. They are so fucking rude and full of self-importance.

I did laugh last summer when one of the mothers was demanding a library ticket for her two year old. WTF? She was pointing out the Classics shelf and saying 'We will be reading those soon' I thought 'yeah, your precocious brat will really be reading Dostoyevsky soon. The spoiled brat had a huge tantrum and flung the books her mum had chosen for her and demanded an ice-cream. I actually felt sorry for the mum. It was a brilliant tantrum. Couldn't help smirking though. I almost said 'Will the ice-cream be organic?!!!

5madthings · 21/12/2012 01:15

Yanbu to find it annoying. I agree you need to say something to staff so they can have a word.

I do think its worth remembering that you are only seeing a snapshot if someones life tho, you have no idea what else they have going on in their life or if the children have sn etc.

What is wrong with a two year old having a library card btw? All of mine have been registered at the library within a few months of birth and have their own library card including two yr old dd.

thecook · 21/12/2012 01:29

5madthings I think that a toddler would not know about things like fines for returning books late. So it should be the responsibility of the parent.

5madthings · 21/12/2012 01:46

Tickets for children are wither exempt from fines or its minimal and as their parent you are still responsible for the books, any fines etc.

My local libraries encourage parents to get library cards for their babies/todflers.

Pretty much all the toddlers i know have a library card so parents can get books out for them. Its pretty standatd and was even when i had ds1 who is 13. Onfact when some of mine were little there was a book start scheme and at the 9mth baby chech you got a little book bag with some free books, leaflet aboit the local library and a form to apply for a library card for the baby.

I think they still do this as i got one for dd and def got them.fir ds3 and ds4.