To get really pissed off with other mothers who let their children behave appallingly and just ignore it?

[Festivelyfedup]

Today I went out for lunch with DH and DS. DS is a real wriggle and finds it difficult to sit still for too long but we are being strict about it and instilling good behaviour in him (he's 2). He was doing really well and then suddenly a much older boy is standing on the bench next to him and announces his name. His mother came over and took him away. Two minutes later he's back and actually tries to climb over DS. His mother ambles over and mutters sorry. Then the same boy and two others (all 5/6) start climbing on all the spare seats and booths, sitting on top of the partitions and sliding along the alcoves at the back of all the booths, behind people eating. The mothers all sat finishing their drinks. When they had paid they picked their children up and they left. Not one of them was told off! I can't help but get annoyed with this kind of thing as we are trying to teach DS how to behave well and then he sees that kind of behaviour. AIBU?

That's why when I eat a meal out with the DC I go to the pub. No other kids there - it's brilliant !

my issue with the op was semantics really, 'apalling' is a word that I would apply to slavery, war crimes etc. whereas the op described (imo) unruly 'unnaceptable' behaviour in a restaurant by some ill mannered boys.

My point was that the op may have got a more universal acceptance of her reasonableness, if the language used had been more nuanced. Communication is one of my bug bears and exaggerated use language irritates me - but I suppose people have different personal definitions of appalling. Anyway don't mind me, as you were.

I don't like seeing dc running around or messing about in a busy restaurant/cafe.

It's an accident waiting to happen and waitress's shouldn't have to try and avoid dc running about when they're carrying around hot drinks and food.

I don't mind noise, but treating a cafe/restaurant as a soft play area is not on.

Oh and something I said on another thread I'm going to say again. My older son was the kind of kid that we could take out to fancy restaurants and trust to behave nicely. He was always good when out unless overtired, over hungry etc. I taught him how to behave and was smugger than smug at my superior parenting skills and how if other children behaved horribly then their parents were inconsistent or lazy or whatever.

Then my second son was born. Everything took a lot of effort teaching him. For the early years DH and I were exhausted. I was now one of 'those' parents. We didn't go out to eat much and when we did it was family restaurants where I thought people and the wait staff might be more tolerant of less than perfect behaviour. We left big tips and apologies for the mess. I'm sure many people near us felt the way some on this thread did. Luckily we also by now lived in the U.S. where people are a lot more tolerant of kid noise than the U.K. god only knows what it would have been like there.

I also had smug friends with two easy children that thought that their children were easy because they had taught them to be so. that had a third one that was not easy and became less smug and less of the belief that you simply had to teach your child to behave. Of course we don't stop trying to teach, but some are more receptive than others.

Please bear in mind how exhausting it can be having a child like my son was in the early years. DH and I desperately needed sometimes just to sit down together at a table for a little while and finish a drink. It is awful to always having to leave mid meal, never being able to have a nice meal out without something going on. Cut people some slack, you don't know what they are dealing with.

..still drip feeding, sorry!

I distinctly remember one meal where DS#2 was young. We were at a restaurant that is a chain here, it is a step up from McDonalds etc, but not really fancy, TGI fridays sort of level but less sports bar. It is the sort of place where a lot of older people eat. Most of the seating is booth seating which really helped DS#2 have some freedom but coral him (YAY!) The waitress brought crayons and colouring papers which occupied him for about two minutes, even when I was talking to him. All he really wanted to do was stand up and look at/talk to the people in the booth behind us. I kept trying to sit him down and the more I tried to get him to leave them alone the more he got pissy and caused a commotion, a really really loud one. I apologised to them and was very grateful that they said he was charming and it wasn't bothering him. I really enjoyed that meal. I got to talk to DH and spend some time with him. DS was happy, other DS was busy eating.

We could never leave DS with babysitters (it was a disaster the times we tried) so it was full on 24/7 with him for what seemed like eternity. DH and I never got a break so those tiny moments were precious.

theres pretty tired and very tired , or i.e suffering severe morning sickness and if your partner isn't helping and leaving everything to you , it may look like you aren't doing anything or don't want to.

Thing is, AndABigBird - you were obviously trying to get your son to sit down, and weren't ignoring his behaviour. That's the difference.

If i have met a child once, and they are being a raucous, i would just ignore it. I know there are times i have been in a pub/restaurant, and whilst i usually insist on impeccable behaviour, sometimes i just want to eat my dinner so my DD would look like she wasn't been 'disciplined' so much.

However, its the repeat offenders that get me. Children that i know personally, who i know are NT, who just have parents that can't be bothered/excuse/don't know how to deal with naughty behaviour.

Kids in restaurants climbing on chairs, meh. If my parents had let me get away with it i would have done it

Honestly? I think this type of situation will seem much less of a big deal when your own child is older....

SDTG, to others it probably looked like I was ignoring it once the people next to us told us to not worry.

Yellowsubmarine, yes, I agree.

Mine are 15, 17 and 19, yellowsubmarine, and I still think that sort of behaviour is unacceptable.

There are different standards of behaviour for different places, and it is not unreasonable to expect parents to try to get their children to conform to those different standards. No-one should expect perfection, but it is not unreasonable to want to enjoy a meal without other people's children using the restaurant as a playground.

Plus it is not exactly the safest of environments to be running round in - if they knock into a member of the waiting staff, they could get hurt by hot coffee or tea, or broken crockery (as, indeed, could the member of staff), or just cause mayhem by knocking several people's meals out of the waiter's hands.

Does anyone have a wall I can bang my head against?

I agree with you OP

I think AndABig Bird makes some excellent points as well

Mine are 13 and 6 and I'd say, having had one very easy child and one more "lively" and "challenging" one, and now that they are a bit older, that I actually feel even more strongly about this.

My DD is the sort who, had it gone unchecked, would have been clambering over seats and disturbing other people but she isn't. She was never allowed to, and she was never too young to learn.

She would rather run everywhere than walk so she must hold my hand when we walk through a busy restaurant/pub and I explain that she might run into someone, someone might trip over her with a hot drink etc. And, as hard as she finds it, she really, really tries and (for the most part) succeeds.

And when she doesn't, I apologise sincerely. There is no way I would ever, or would have ever, just turned a blind eye to her behaviour and left her to it.

Like I said earlier, they both get compliments on their behaviour but if anyone thinks it was a fluke and I'm a smuggy smugster patting myself on the back for my fantastic parenting when I was just lucky, they couldn't be further from the truth!!

FolkElf

True too.

Eliza

Think about it this way- even impeccably well-behaved dogs aren't allowed in most establishments in Britain, yet the most bratty, loud, annoying toddlers are allowed everywhere it seems, dragged places they will clearly be bored and aren't suitable for them.

So I don't understand your comment.

Most dogs are nowhere near as annoying as young children even if they aren't well-behaved, and you would definitely be asked to leave if your dog wreaked havoc.

Yes, I agree, makes me mad and think it's totally wrong. It's your duty and responsibility to make them behave.

Old thread

Wow, how did this thread revive? It wasn't that interesting in the first instance! I just read 2 pages and realised it was from Christmas last year.

Ha ha was wondering why Worra had changed her name to WorraLorraTurkey in the middle of June - then noticed that date.