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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Re bikini waxing for 9year olds?

274 replies

Preposteroushypothesis · 19/12/2012 19:26

Trying to keep this brief so here we go!
I was having a leg and bikini wax the other day and my waxing lady told me that she gives girls as young as 9 full leg and bikini waxes!! My first reaction was to be completely appalled and saddened at how young girls are being forced to grow up so fast these days etc, however, she made an interesting point which has led me to doubt this reaction and wonder whether it is ok in certain circumstances.

Firstly, she said that some girls are swimmers and are obviously very self conscious of having hair poking out and getting teased, I thought this was very understandable if the girl in question has developed particularly early.

Secondly, she said it is apparently very big with girls who go to boarding school (which is a lot of girls in the area where the wax lady works). Apparently, her clients start as soon as they get there first hairs there and get the whole lot off, not just 'neatened up', because 'no one wants to be the first'.

Thirdly, she said that although she does have some pushy mothers who are obviously driving this most of the mothers say they resisted but the girls will just shave if they don't take them to be waxed and then end up making a complete mess of themselves.

I think my conclusions are that:
I wouldn't take my daughter to be waxed completely just so she's not the first, I would encourage her to accept the changes in her body as natural and nothing to be ashamed of.
I would however, consider letting my daughter have a basic bikini wax to stop excess hair poking out the sides if it was causing her great embarrassment.
I also think I would encourage my daughter to choose to be waxed at the time she starts to consider shaving her legs to save her from a lifetime of hardship with the evils of shaving...but I can't decide if I have an age limit for this...

So I'm putting it to the mumsnet jury: AIBU to think that a bikini wax on a 9 year old could be acceptable in certain circumstances?

OP posts:
FromEsme · 19/12/2012 21:36

Onesies is totally acceptable round here so I can compare it.

I'm not ok with society moulding the preferences so that it so directly impacts on women compared with men.

Yogagirl17 · 19/12/2012 21:37

Haven't quite read the whole thread - just first and last pages - but I thought I would add my 2 pence worth. My dd is 11 and actually happens to be on a swim team (so swims at least 4x/week). She came to me over the summer upset at her noticeable underarm hair and asked if I would show her how to get rid of it.

I told her about waxing but explained that it was kind of painful and I would be more comfortable if she waited til she was a bit older to try it. She was totally fine with that. We tried hair remover cream but it gave her a rash so I bought her a razor and showed her how to use it. She has some pubic hair but not enough to poke out the sides of her swimming costume yet. I guess when it does she'll use the razor to trim that as well but if she gets to a point where she's begging me for waxing I'll consider it.

I"m not exactly the most laid back of parents but I want her to feel that SHE is control of her body so ultimately it is her decision.

I would NOT however, let her be totally waxed just to pretend she wasn't 'the first' - I think there is something quite warped and self-loathing about that.

Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 21:37

piccadilly - if i wore that kind of costume i'd still need a full leg wax, and possibly bikini, because full legs stop quite low - a bikini wax really is upper thigh.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2012 21:37

Onesies ?

Gimme a 9yo in a onesie over a high cut swimsuit that reveals her labia any day

FromEsme · 19/12/2012 21:38

And anyway, onesies, xmas jumpers, super-high heels, shaved bit/long bit haircut - take your pick. All I meant was things become acceptable where once they would not have been so it is pretty obvious that society moulds our tastes.

catsmother · 19/12/2012 21:38

I do actually agree that it's awful and sad that girls/women should be made to feel "ashamed" or embarrassed by something that's natural. Quite obviously in an ideal world we'd all accept that females are hairy in various degrees - including some who are very hairy - and that, should they prefer to leave things be it doesn't make them any less feminine and/or attractive.

However .... how is the overall view of many if not most of British society supposed to change ? It would take a concerted effort by 100s of 1000s of women to go au naturel and be seen to do so until the sight became so common so as not to attract any further derogatory remarks. And how many women would actually be prepared to do that ? I would ..... but I'm too much of a coward to do so unless 1000s joined me I'm afraid and that's never going to happen. I bloody wish it would because my hairiness has been a constant burden for more than 30 years. Yes .... my head tells me it "shouldn't" be a burden but it is because I too have experienced people recoiling from me or suggesting I have a disease ......

.... I'm actually very fair skinned, freckled and reddish hair, but my pubic hair is very dark and extends far down my thighs (sorry TMI) and could never be "trimmed" with scissors or "tucked" in. I've had this depth of hair since about 13 but had started underarm hair when I was 9. I was blisfully ignorant and non plussed by it then until I used a communal shower on a Brownie pack holiday for heaven's sake - i.e. full of little girls, and was teased mercilessly once it was spotted. From 13 PE, changing, swimming, was a nightmare - cue more teasing. My mum gave me one of those ancient razors with traditional flat razor blades (thanks mum) and I cut myself to pieces not surprisingly. Not surprisingly I spent a great deal of time contriving to avoid PE and the like.

As an adult I've had boyfriends pass less than flattering remarks - yes, I did get rid but still, it's not nice, it hits you hard and obviously you feel under a great deal of pressure to conform. Which is pretty much impossible 365 days a year anyway unless you get lasered or electrolysis. So much for claims of 6 weeks grace with waxing - I get 2 weeks if I'm lucky, and then you have no choice but to leave alone for at least 2 to 3 weeks before getting waxed again. When I had my 1st child the consultant actually asked (rudely, and made me feel like a cruddy freak) if I'd had difficulty conceiving - presumably because my dreadful hairiness indicated PCOS - but in fact nothing was further from the truth. I've conceived 3 times in my 40s for example, at 43,44 and 47 though miscarried all - my periods have always been bang on regular - no other symptoms.

Anyway, the point is, I know these sorts of reactions and this sort of pressure to be "tidy" is society's problem and not mine but I'm not prepared to put myself through the insults, looks of pity, looks of disgust or out and out laughter by proving a point. And most importantly, and going back to the original point of this thread, for the small minority of 9 year old girls - or very young girls generally - I don't think it's fair to expect them to shoulder a similar approach and leave themselves wide open to teasing and/or bullying by not removing hair which - rightly or wrongly (and I do very much think it's wrong) - British society, in general, seems to find unacceptable. I therefore think that any young girl with "excessive" (by society's standards) hair should be offered support - ideally from her mum - about the best way, for her of removing it ... which may or may not be waxing. Better that than being bullied, being made to feel horribly, mortifyingly embarrassed and so on. Clearly, I would never suggest that all her pubic hair was removed from a young girl but enough should be removed so that it can't be seen when she's playing sport, swimming, sunbathing or whatever. Believe me, more modest swimsuits and/or shorts would NOT have hidden my hairyness when I was 13 onwards and if I felt bad at 13 I dread to think how a 9 year old would feel who'd be far less well equipped emotionally to deal with nasty comments and stares. I do actually have a 9 year old daughter .... I hope to god she doesn't grow up to be as hairy as me though the signs are that she might (has hair on lower back, arms). I would hate her to grow up as miserable about it as me - as you can probably tell this is a really emotive subject for me even now in my 40s, and the bane of my life - so will try to do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable in her own skin. No way will I tell her it's disgusting or unacceptable but on the other hand, I do sometimes wonder how I'd help her if she developed a similar hair pattern to me and somehow remained in ignorant bliss about the effect her appearance might have on some people ..... e.g. do I send her off swimming knowing that she might attract negative attention, knowing she might come home in floods of tears .... or do I suggest the hair is removed first ? ..... which I'm well aware suggests it's "wrong". In all honesty, I'd probably do the latter though it doesn't sit well with me - I feel very angry TBH at "having" to do this to avoid potential nastiness.

Sorry for having hijacked this a bit but I think if you've not had personal experience of excessive hair it can be hard to appreciate just how bad other people can make you feel about it - wretched is the only word really.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2012 21:39

yoga...that is a sensible approach

whisking your 9yo's off to the waxing salon is not

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/12/2012 21:39

No, I wouldn't allow a nine year old a belly button piercing, but that's invasive and totally different.

Nine years old is the extreme example though, and even I would encourage waiting to wax at that age.

Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 21:39

what about cultures where threading their body hair has been round for yonks? that's not a trend is it?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2012 21:40

waxing is invasive

it causes no end of problems with ingrown hairs and infected follicles

too much for a 9yo to know how to cope with

bevelino · 19/12/2012 21:41

There is absolutely no doubt that the OP is making a very unusual request for comments and opinions about 9 year olds.

PiccadillyCervix · 19/12/2012 21:42

Most of the cultures where it is don't have great records on women's rights though do they

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/12/2012 21:42

Why are you talking about swimming costumes that reveal labia? Xmas Confused

Pubes don't only grow in an area conveniently covered by a normal young girl type pair of knickers!

FromEsme · 19/12/2012 21:42

We're not talking about other cultures, spuddy, we're talking about this culture.

cats, no-one is judging anyone for removing body hair. As much as I would love a society where women didn't feel pressure to remove their hair, I shave my legs, I generally shave my pits and remove some pubic hair. I hate that I feel pressure to do it, because I honestly don't care about the hair being there.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2012 21:43

This reply has been deleted

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Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 21:44

no, i agree but that is an argument against it only being a recent fashion, western, porn thing.

AfterEightMintyy · 19/12/2012 21:44

Quite bevelino.

I don't know how many of you are or have been parents of 9 year old girls, but pubic hair is not an issue for, I would make an informed guess, 95% of children of girls of that age.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/12/2012 21:44

In my experience girls that have a need to wax from a young age tend to have the type of skin that isn't damaged by waxing.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 19/12/2012 21:45

A friend is a beautician and she's been waxing her girls since they were about 8, not fully "down there" but legs and Pitts. She does the bikini line of the oldest (15)

I was a bit [gasp] about it but she said she wanted to kill the roots off as much was poss while they're young to make it less of an issue when they are teens etc

FYI the oldest is very white skinned with very dark hair, her leg hairs come thru thick and fast still
Next is a red head, really really hairy arms so can only imagine the legs.

I don't know how I feel about that, is it even true?

FromEsme · 19/12/2012 21:46

Really spuddy? I don't get your logic at all.

QOD - and what if the daughters weren't fussed about their hair when they were older? I'd be very pissed off if my mother had made that decision for me.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 19/12/2012 21:46

This thread is giving me the creeps.

Preposteroushypothesis · 19/12/2012 21:46

bevilino and takataka, I have been lurking on mumsnet for a long time (I think I joined around 1.5-2 years ago) I have only recently started posting but I do not think this is an unusual topic for AIBU. I have seen all sorts discussed on here and posted because I felt sure I would read lots of interesting points on both sides, which I have. I have seen posts before about straightening 2 year olds hair and plucking children's eyebrows so I don't see why my post is so odd for this forum

I am posting on my phone and so not able to keep up with the debate here too well but wanted to address any troll accusations!

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 21:47

fromesme - sorry, i answered how not having hair in my undercarriage was less limiting (can't remember words now) a while back. in case you missed it - i wasn't ignoring you :)

Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 21:50

oh god Fromesme - Sorry, i'm lost now. you don't get my point about what?

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 19/12/2012 21:50

Tis true fromesme, it kinda made me think she's made it an issue