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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed no-one gave me anything?

129 replies

NickNacks · 19/12/2012 18:27

I'm a childminder and mind 6 children altogether. Last Friday I gave out gifts to all the children, gifts and cards to the parents that had been made with the children and this morning I went to watch the school nativity as I knew some mums couldn't make it.

Today was the last day before Christmas and I received one solitary card from one family. I know it sound a bit greedy but I wasn't expecting diamonds just a little 'Its the thought that counts' token box of chocs would have been lovely.

My husband thinks I'm a bit unreasonable to be miffed but I don't, I'm genuinely a bit upset that they didn't think.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

Boomeringue · 19/12/2012 22:42

YANBU. We give the dustmen and postman cards,and tips.

upstart68 · 19/12/2012 22:50

Yanbu. I'm not really a massive present giver, but I do try to ensure all teachers/nursery staff/childminders we've had experience of get a card with a bit of a thank you in.

We had a wonderful childminder and we did used to exchange gifts - because I was so grateful for her care of my dd, especially when she was a baby with all the hard work that goes with it.

There's time yet though - they might call round with something.

ReetPetit · 19/12/2012 22:59

YANBU!! I am a cm too. a card is lovely - a bonus is even better!
it really doesn't take much to give a small token of appreciation, it makes you feel like all your hard work means something - especially when their dcs go home with cards which you have made for the parents and presents which we have bought them.

FestiveWench · 19/12/2012 23:02

I will drop my CM's present off over the weekend.
I just haven't had time get. But it will get done.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 19/12/2012 23:04

On behalf of crap parents everywhere, can I put in an apology to all beleagured childcare workers?

My 2 LOs have been laid low with bugs on and off for a month now, and I've been working until 1, 2 or even 3 in the morning to try and catch up before Christmas. I've barely bought my own children any presents yet, let alone anyone outside the family. Because they've been in nursery so little recently, and because it was their first Christmas at one, I was completely unprepared for the sacks of decorations, handmade Christmas cards, potato prints, and all the rest of it that they were sent home with on their last day this week. The staff must've put in hours of extra time to get all the crafts done, and I didn't have a bean to give them. Now I feel even more terrible than I did before!

LucieMay · 19/12/2012 23:13

Of course it's a business! You're not looking after the kids because you love them or care about their parents, you're doing it for money. If some parents form friendships with child minders or nannies,fair enough, but you shouldn't expect presents and cards. Private sector workers may get bonuses and presents but public sector workers, many of whom do dirty and dangerous and difficult jobs, get sod all! The childminder and nursery workers who looked after ds did a very good job and I paid them for doing this. If they weren't looking after him properly I would not have paid them and would have found another service provider. We don't keep in touch now as I don't need their services any more. His family look after him because they love him, paid child carers do love him, they are there as they are paid to be and as such have a legal duty of care.

mercibucket · 19/12/2012 23:14

:(
I would also feel sad. It's a very personal and emotional relationship between you and your little charges, who must love you very much. It's a shame the parents haven't shown you they value that relationship beyond money.

McChristmasPants2012 · 19/12/2012 23:24

op I am struggling finacally atm. I am struggling to pay for christmas and atm between me and DH we are taking any overtime possible.

I appriciate the work DS and DD school and nursery do but i can not afford to get them anything or i haven't got the time to make anything.

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 23:32

lucie, I guess it's fair enough if you see it purely as a business relationship and nothing more. Personally, I couldn't have left dd with someone who was just doing a job for the money and had no interest in developing a relationship with her, and I wouldn't have chosen someone who saw it like that.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 19/12/2012 23:33

I think a CM is a more personal relationship though, even if parents could only give or the kids could make a card, it's the thought that counts.
And if they're both working, all the secret santa and works nights out are going to cost a damn sight more than that.

noblegiraffe · 19/12/2012 23:33

My DS loves his childminder. He would want to get her a present as he spends an awful lot of time with her. It's not just about the parents relationship with the childminder (which could be seen as a mere business transaction) it's about the child's relationship with her.

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 23:34

Yes indeed, CM or nanny have a very different relationship with dc from nursery workers.

ringokimmy · 19/12/2012 23:37

a homemade card, or just thank you, but sometime people are so wrapped up in there own lives, you know your good at your job people are just thoughtless.

defineme · 19/12/2012 23:39

As far as I was concerned the kids' cm was their Mum when I wasn't their and I'm in a caring profession myself so I know how above and beyond 'doing a job' we go most days. I'd be horrified if my dc were spending several days a week with someone who didn't love them. I think that special relationship needs acknowledgement and by that I don't mean by paying minimum wage...

If you can't afford anything then write a message on a picture the kids have drawn.

We're all tired, we've all been ill,money is tight for a lot of us, but most of us still make the effort.

Imabadmum · 19/12/2012 23:39

This has made me feel bad, as hadn't planned to do anything for my children's teachers. Will be taking in some wine and cards on Friday now x

McChristmasPants2012 · 19/12/2012 23:41

And if they're both working, all the secret santa and works nights out are going to cost a damn sight more than that.

I am not going to the works night ( due to money) and in my work place we don't do secret santa.

SoleSource · 19/12/2012 23:42

Yanbu

Stil time:) if not then maybe they're skint.

Imabadmum · 19/12/2012 23:43

And no OP I don't think YABU , it was rude and thoughtless of them. Our au pair left us last saturday to fly home to her family for Christmas, and I had a present for her from us, and 1 from each of the children (4). Not big or expensive, but thoughtful.

Feel free to feel miffed.

LucieMay · 19/12/2012 23:45

JInsei of course in order for care for young children, you have to interact and care for them kindly etc, if you didn't, you'd be failing in your duty of care. But Idisagree you need to love your mindees to care for them, do doctors love their patients? Do care home workers love their elderly charges? Ds's childminder never took my place and his family's place and I wouldn't want them to.

breatheslowly · 19/12/2012 23:51

YANBU. I wrapped the presents for the 8 staff in DD's nursery room today. They are all very much token gifts except for her keyworker as there are so many of them, but I couldn't not recognise their work all year. If I wasn't 100% confident in what they do then I couldn't leave DD to do the job that I enjoy doing. DD has turned from a baby into a confident, well mannered little girl in the last year and the nursery staff can take the credit for much of that (particularly the manners). I can't imagine not giving a gift or card to someone so important in our lives and I think it is important to DD to be part of the gift giving and see that we appreciate the nursery workers who are a very central part of her life.

Imabadmum · 19/12/2012 23:52

McChristmasPants2012
op I am struggling finacally atm. I am struggling to pay for christmas and atm between me and DH we are taking any overtime possible.

I appriciate the work DS and DD school and nursery do but i can not afford to get them anything or i haven't got the time to make anything.

I really appreciate that Christmas is a frightening time of year, I've had sleepless nights myself, worrying about the financials, and simply the logistics of pulling it all together as well as working flat out, running a home and all the other usual stuff that needs doing. Hang in there, it's only one day, family, and health is far far more important than boxes and bags. Hope you have a special and happy day xx

Uppermid · 19/12/2012 23:56

A thank you and getting the kids to make a card costs nothing imabadmum.

I nannied for 10 yrs. one family paid me 2 weeks bonus for Christmas one year but by far the best gift I ever had was a card saying thank you for all my hard work with an extra $10. I still have that card

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 23:57

I don't think you have to love them, no, but I do think there needs to be genuine affection and a real relationship. Kindly interaction and a caring approach are not enough in my view. I believe that it's very important for young children to form close attachments to their care givers, and that this is crucial to their healthy development. I appreciate that some parents may feel threatened if a child becomes too attached to someone outside the family, but for me, this wasn't a concern - the stronger the bond, the better.

I don't think the relationship between a doctor and patient is comparable at all. I don't know enough to comment on the relationship between a home carer and an elderly person, but if I was choosing someone to look after an elderly relative, I would certainly want someone who saw my relative as a real person and not just a client.

Uppermid · 19/12/2012 23:57

Sorry imabadmum. That'll teach me not to mumsnet late at night when tired or to read posts properly. Oops!

noblegiraffe · 19/12/2012 23:59

A childminder spends way more time with your child than a doctor does with a patient!

My childminder has looked after DS since he was one, changed his nappies, cuddled him when he was upset, kissed his bumps better, fed him, put him to sleep, mothered him. He has a completely different relationship with her to, say, his pre-school teacher.

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