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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed no-one gave me anything?

129 replies

NickNacks · 19/12/2012 18:27

I'm a childminder and mind 6 children altogether. Last Friday I gave out gifts to all the children, gifts and cards to the parents that had been made with the children and this morning I went to watch the school nativity as I knew some mums couldn't make it.

Today was the last day before Christmas and I received one solitary card from one family. I know it sound a bit greedy but I wasn't expecting diamonds just a little 'Its the thought that counts' token box of chocs would have been lovely.

My husband thinks I'm a bit unreasonable to be miffed but I don't, I'm genuinely a bit upset that they didn't think.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 19/12/2012 20:18

That's just miserable apostrophe.

fuzzypicklehead · 19/12/2012 20:21

apostrophe, I think expectations are slightly different for those in caring professions. Teaching, childminding, and care work often involve or create an emotional bond between people. Gifts at holiday time are a traditional way of acknowledging that social bond.

Paying wages = you have done me a service
card/gift = I care about you

nannyof3 · 19/12/2012 20:25

Me too.. For my bday, i didnt get anything off one set.... Tight!!

nannyof3 · 19/12/2012 20:31

And i call them tight, cause the dad alone is on £8 grand a month

SellotapeInMyHairExtensions · 19/12/2012 20:31

I buy gifts for my CM birthday, thank you gifts if she's helped me out and the odd bunch of flowers just because etc. I've bought Christmas presents for her children but I didn't get anything for her. I feel awful now, I'm going to get something tomorrow now. We did do cards though.

Original poster
NickNacks · 19/12/2012 20:37

I don't think I expect my invoices to be paid based on how much parents appreciate me. I provide a service and expect to be paid for it.

But just as I go the extra mile for them - wave the late pick when they've been stuck on traffic, dropped them home when mum was ill, picked up a birthday cake for big brother when mum ran out of time...

I dunno, it just makes me feel taken for granted when I hear people like apostrophe (and clearly the parents too) speak about me like that.

OP posts:
FlojoHoHoHo · 19/12/2012 20:40

YANBU I sent individual cards to all the nursery staff and a tub of celebrations. So I'd expect CM to get something and since there's only one of you, I'd have sent something extra special.

feelingemotional · 19/12/2012 20:42

Thaats a shame - a thank you by way of a card goes a long way to show appreciation. My parents are all lovely and they all give me a gift and a card - some bought and some made.

One of my parents let her child chose the present for me - love her! She bought me a large bag of walkers thai chilli crisps because she knew they were my favourite. Its not about the amount of money.

Original poster
NickNacks · 19/12/2012 20:45

Absolutely it's not about the amount of money spent. As I said on the OP it's the thought that counts and they didn't think :(

OP posts:
newpencilcase · 19/12/2012 20:46

My CM sent small gifts home on Monday. I haven't got her a gift yet.

She lives found the corner do will drop it off over the weekend.

I hope you are not her Wink

apostrophethesnowman · 19/12/2012 20:53

you may "wave (sic) the late pick up* but parents often pay childminders even when they're not looking after their children (from what I've read on here) and they have to get someone else to do it as well. I suppose you could say one thing cancels out the other.

Yes I know, it's in the contracts etc., but please give me some credit. You're doing a job, you get paid for it.

If people want to give extras to someone they are already paying to provide a service then that's of course fine. However, the OP asked about being unreasonable fto being dissapointed in not receiving one and I think she is.

Incidentally, I've never used childminders or paid childcare of any form, so perhaps I'm not in the best position to comment on how parents feel about their child care providers. I'm just looking at it as any other job if you see what I mean.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 19/12/2012 20:53

Of course they should have sent something for you.

This week I have given the window cleaner double money, the postie a bottle of wine (yet to do), the milky gets a fiver, the cleaner gets an extra week's money. The CM is no different and it is something that needs to be budgeted for and if there isn't a budget, a card from the children and something very small. All the little gift packs will be reduced by 60% on boxing day. Buy then to give next year.

apostrophethesnowman · 19/12/2012 20:54

for being disappointed

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 20:57

apostrophe, have you ever used the services of a childminder? Do you understand how important these people can be in the lives of the children they care for? I no longer need to use any childcare but I still buy presents for the nanny who worked for us four years ago and now lives 300 miles away! As far as dd is concerned, she is a part of the family and always will be.

I find it very odd that some people don't acknowledge their childminders at Christmas, and a bit sad too. It really isn't the same as any other job, though I'm sure that there are parallels in other caring professions - the personal relationship and the bond is central.

That said, I work in a different type of role altogether, and I still buy presents for the staff I line manage each year, as I recognise that they go above and beyond the call of duty in their roles, and I like to express my gratitude for that.

apostrophethesnowman · 19/12/2012 20:59

Jinsei No, as I conceded up thread I haven't got personal experience of using childcarers or any form, so perhaps I'm not in the best position to understand the relationship.

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 21:01

Sorry apostrophe, x post. If you haven't ever used a childminder, perhaps it's hard to understand the nature of that relationship. I can certainly understand the OP feeling a bit unappreciated.

OP, I hope you at least get a card from one of them. They might just be busy and very behind with their preparations. My DSis hasn't done anything for Christmas yet!

Autumnalis · 19/12/2012 21:04

A card at least would have been thoughtful. It may be money this year (have you noticed how less festive everything is this year?) or simply parents too busy to get their act together in time.

HaveToWearHeels · 19/12/2012 21:05

Frustrated Yes they are an employee, but in a much valued job looking after the most precious thing ever. I have a thankless job for a corporate company and earn a good salary, but my boss always sticks a bottle of wine on our desks at Christmas.

AmazingBouncingBabyJesus · 19/12/2012 21:10

I don't send my children to their CM anymore (SAHM now) but she is still getting a little present. She had been a carer for my DS since he was 4 months old (he's now 6yrs old) and she had my DD from 6 months old that makes her important in their eyes, regardless of what I paid her.

Peanutbutterfingers · 19/12/2012 21:14

YANBU. My son goes to childminders 3 days a week since he was 1, she's been a constant in his life for 2 years. She, her family and environment have been hugely influential in his formative years.

Yes she gets paid to provide a service but she goes above and beyond with the stimulation, outings, home cooked meals (far superior to mine) and she really CARES for him. Unlike some extraordinarily bad child'care' I encountered before I met her.

I wouldn't dream of not giving her a Christmas/birthday present, and her children.

I can't afford much at Christmas with so many people to buy for so I try to do something special for her birthday (found out where she was going for birthday meal and arranged for bottle of champagne with card made by DS tied to it)

It's possibly a bit different if older children and cm does pick up from school. But still, I would give so etching, would feel odd and unappreciative not to.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 19/12/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucieMay · 19/12/2012 21:23

Yabu, you provide a service which you get paid for. However much you enjoy your job, you're doing it for money, not out of the goodness of your heart. It's business.

Jinsei · 19/12/2012 21:53

But it really isn't just "business". I don't stay in touch with the hairdresser who cut my hair four years ago. I don't stay in touch with the mechanic who used to service my car. I can't even remember the name of the plumber who used to sort out my boiler etc. Those were services that I paid for, and whilst I was friendly with all of the service providers, there was no enduring relationship there and never any question of one. It was purely business.

The relationship with my nanny was totally different. Four years on, we regularly keep in touch, chat on skype, exchange cards & gifts etc. We also travel across the country several times a year to see her. The business relationship between us ceased long ago, but we retain a strong bond because of the continuing mutual affection between her and dd.

Mosschopz · 19/12/2012 21:58

YANBU. I took a tray of Krispie Kremes in to nursery for the staff yesterday - its what you do at Christmas!
I also took a bouquet of flowers in for my DS's old key worker when he moved up to the toddler room as a thank you. She did comment on how grateful she was as parents rarely show appreciation in this way.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 19/12/2012 22:37

Every member of staff at DH's firm gets a hamper from the partners I know, I helped bow up and label them on Saturday morning. They are all employees and all get paid to work. It's Christmas.