To not take this job after a 7 year career break?

[princessnumber2]

Got offered a job today and need to make a decision by tomorrow. It's a job with good career prospects in an area I want to get into. Full time salary is £30k. I haven't had a job for the last 7 years (have been ill/had ill child/done some academic courses/bits of training and numerous voluntary roles). Role is full time. I asked if they would let me do it part time and they said no. I have a 6 year old and a one year old.

Because of commute and lack of nursery places, I think the only option would be a nanny which would wipe out most/all of my earnings.

I don't need to work for financial reasons (husband earns very good salary, works full time and travels a lot with work). All money is split equally and no question of any earnings being 'his' as we both believe we contribute equally to the partnership. His job requires very flexible childcare which we probably wouldn't have been able to buy had I not done it. However, I am definitely concerned about the loss of my career (I gave up work to care for my daughter when she was very ill).

Basically it's the old classic, part time would be great but they're not up for it. So, how hard is it working full time with a one year old and a six year old and AIBU to turn it down because it would put a pretty big strain on our family for almost no financial reward?

(And yes he is willing to go part time but as he loves his job and earns loads doing it, I do feel harsh making him reduce his hours for me to take a much lower paid job that, while it has potential, is certainly not my dream job.)

The alternative is that I continue to do voluntary work and maybe a bit of freelance and just continue to build up my CV till the kids are a bit older.

please be kind. have never done an AIBU before...

No, not offended. Not sad that you've missed the precious moments you harp on about every other thread. No, not at all.

You've been doing this for at least 5 years now, scottishmummy, popping up on pretty much every thread that involves working mothers to reiterate how happy you are in your working life. Sorry, but you don;t seem that fulfilled if you have to protest about it SO frequently and for SO long.

it's quite apparent you're not a psychologist autumn

Wage slave? Slaves don't have a choice and rely on their master to provide for them.
I don't need to work. Either DH or my salary would be enough to pay our bills with a bit left over. I choose to work as I trained for many years to get professionally qualified and I find my work very satisfying and challenging. All very well to stay at home with the DCs singing nursery rhymes and baking cakes but skills and knowledge soon get out of date and what would I do when they go off to school - jobs are not that easy to come by.

hoping your husband provide pension,is passive and does smack of wee wifey
I didn't say op was in this situation,do get it right before saying it
the notion if rich dh that should provide for woman is ghastly antiquated

Yes Barcey. 5 years harping on endlessly about how happy she is whilst being scathingly offensive about sahm's. Being anti feminist and alienating people on the feminist forum where she, as an obvious non feminist, posts frequently, often taking the piss out of the wee wifies she feels so threatened by. Yes, I only have a mere A level in Psychology, but this is classic projection.

keep up,it's more than 5yr,and not likely to deviate from this pov
you see consistent opinions are expressed consistently,in a congruent manner
in the same way if you think mum is ardest job in world you're likely to maintain this over time

This is your only opinion though, scottishmummy, your only contribution to the site.

YOu don't pop up anywhere else (bar the odd argy bargy over formula feeding, IIRC)

Never seek help with your DC behaviour or development, their schooling, no lighthearted entries in chat.

JUst this...ploughing the same old furrow. You love your job apparently, that's great. But please stop trying to justify it to people, it's getting so old.

opinions are generally maintained and not subject to wild deviation
I'm surprise you find people holding a steady pov so provocative
do your opinions deviate wildly over time on mn?do you prevaricate?

I just don't feel the need to burst onto every thread about this subject banging the same old drum. Most people don't.

It used to be you and Xenia who popped up without fail. Now it;s just you.

Your career should be fullfilling enough to not need the validation of others. Clearly it isn't.

what about a consistent opinion is it that you dislike, I wouldn't tell you not to post
so as much as you don't lime my pov it's not legitimate to ask I refrain from posts
interesting to explore is why it causes you such consternation?do you always seek to stifle pov you don't like

Assuming that was to me - so you don't think the Op is a "wee wifey"? You are a little confusing.

Generally - yes it would be passive to just hope your dh sorts out your pension provision. But nothing wrong with a couple who have decided that one of them (usually the wife but not always) will stay at home with the kids. And it is also sensible for the income technically earned by the working partner to be used to increase both partners pensions. Just from a tax point of view - compare total income from two pots that each buy an annuity worth £40k a year vs one pot that buys an annuity worth £80k a year. (And in about 55 minutes gender neutral pricing comes in so it really is an either / or.)

Actually - that is what we are doing for my h's pension right now - investing significantly more of our assets into his pension than he would be able to afford to do if we completely split our assets into his and mine. And I definitely don't see him as "wee hubby". (Insert inappropriate joke here and )

I actually agree that often both people working is the best solution. 2 weeks after I went back to work after having dd my dh got made redundant. I was very glad then that I had gone back. But I have no commute, flexible employers, am able to work part time, one healthy child and a dh who also has no commute and flexible employers.

What works for me won't work for everyone. If there was a perfect solution we'd all be doing it!

it's only confusing to you Kate

I work 3 days a week in a fulfilling and well paid job. I have just decided against going full time as I begrudge making no extra money for missing out on 2 days with my children and paying someone else to do things I like to do. I realise I am lucky to have a choice but I cannot see why anyone would work for no financial gain.

in work you may have to prove self,so break even initially until experience and wage increase
work isn't solely financial,it has psychological and social benefits

Wandastartup, are you equally baffled about why people volunteer? After all, no financial gain there either.

Aside from the fact that disposable income will increase over time as childcare needs decrease, there are plenty of other reasons why many parents choose to return to work.

The benefits obviously vary with the position, but they can include: adult interaction, pension contributions, opportunities for further study or training, job satisfaction, the enjoyment of helping people, the buzz of meeting goals and deadlines, the security of knowing you can be financially independent to support yourself and children if your partner dies/becomes redundant/leaves you...

I'm sure others, perhaps scottishmummy can chip in even more good reasons for continuing a career. Fair go to the people who prefer being with their children because they're in a job they despise, but it's not always a feasible plan in the long term. And many people have careers they enjoy and would like to combine with parenthood.

it has psychological and social benefits

So does spending the early years with your children in fairness. People do what they need to do depending on their circumstances.

I am close to being in exactly your position except we are really struggling financially with only my husband working and me at home. He works ridiculous hours, often away for days on end, works weekends etc...

I have an 11 month old and a 3 yr old and have just applied for a part time academic job. If I got it ( highly unlikely, it is Cambridge and probably many many better qualified applicants than me ) it would rock our world and the salary would be wiped out by child care and commuting costs. Despite being piss poor just now though there is no way I would work full time and leave my children. I don't judge others who do I just know I couldn't do it.

So I think you are not being unreasonable at all. Go with your gut.

I like working,that's the crux.I like financial autonomy,vocational satisfaction
dp and I both career minded.we had the kids and work conversation early on
working is much more than money,I don't turn in daily just for money.not at all

1. It's Katie not Kate - months of negotiation involved in that one.
2. Katie is not actually my name. Shockingly.
3. Pretty sure I'm not the only person on here who finds you confusing.

Look - I've already said - I'm a working mum who doesn't need to work but does. So presumably my world view is not that different to yours re working mothers. And yet I disagree with you here. And agree with people - many of whom have made very different life choicesto me.

Had you come on and said (as many people did) "don't forget that you also get contributions to pensions, career development and the knowledge that your family won't starve if your dh gets made redundant" then I would have totally agreed with you. It's the lack of wriggle room from WAHM = good, SAHM = bad that I disagree with. In life you need wriggle room or you get very stuck.

I am really glad sm does pop up on these threads, I think she brings a real balance
and I have seen her on all sorts of discussions not just the sahm/wohm stuff
op I would have said take the job! I hope you find something that suits you in the future. However tied in we are to our families, we do need to think as an individual too imo

And thats fair enough too. Everyones different. I don't mind working, but in all honesty, I only do it for the money. If I won big bucks on the lottery I'd be packing work in.

Xp - you have actually said that now. Why not stuck to your argument rather than upsetting people who make different life choices?

well Christ alive if i won lotto I'd work v differently
still do same thing but differently ifyswim
given idont actually lotto Thera a flaw in my logic,but hell yes I'd be chuffed

Skills are very easy to update even GP's just go on a refresher course and they are straight back into the fray. As for jobs I have never had to look very hard for a new role, ever depends what you want to do I guess.