To not take this job after a 7 year career break?

[princessnumber2]

Got offered a job today and need to make a decision by tomorrow. It's a job with good career prospects in an area I want to get into. Full time salary is £30k. I haven't had a job for the last 7 years (have been ill/had ill child/done some academic courses/bits of training and numerous voluntary roles). Role is full time. I asked if they would let me do it part time and they said no. I have a 6 year old and a one year old.

Because of commute and lack of nursery places, I think the only option would be a nanny which would wipe out most/all of my earnings.

I don't need to work for financial reasons (husband earns very good salary, works full time and travels a lot with work). All money is split equally and no question of any earnings being 'his' as we both believe we contribute equally to the partnership. His job requires very flexible childcare which we probably wouldn't have been able to buy had I not done it. However, I am definitely concerned about the loss of my career (I gave up work to care for my daughter when she was very ill).

Basically it's the old classic, part time would be great but they're not up for it. So, how hard is it working full time with a one year old and a six year old and AIBU to turn it down because it would put a pretty big strain on our family for almost no financial reward?

(And yes he is willing to go part time but as he loves his job and earns loads doing it, I do feel harsh making him reduce his hours for me to take a much lower paid job that, while it has potential, is certainly not my dream job.)

The alternative is that I continue to do voluntary work and maybe a bit of freelance and just continue to build up my CV till the kids are a bit older.

please be kind. have never done an AIBU before...

[forevergreek]

In 6 months time, maybe consider if they would let you do 5 days into 4 kinda thing, and if dh does the same, then you could reduce childcare costs down to 3 days. Over time maybe a bit can be done from home to reduce costs further

[forevergreek]

30hrs a week is part time though isn't it? ( never worked less than 50 hours)

[scottishmummy]

op has said they're prosperous and share all monies, her dh earns well
so childcare costs shouldn't solely come out her salary.it's shared cost.
she bringing 30k to family not losing money.30k may be her initial salary,increasing as her experience does

[autumnlights12]

Yes, if you just look at life from a financial perspective. Life is more than money.

[forevergreek]

But a family money is still a loss.

So if her dh earns £50k ( that's what thy currently have as a family)
Op earns £30k ( but then as a family has to pay childcare etc, and this cost eg £35k)

80k-35k= 45k, therefore as a family, which ever way you say the childcare gets taken out they will still be worse off.

[coldcupoftea]

I just don't get that argument scottishmummy- whether it comes from 'her' salary or 'his' it will still come out of the family joint account- which will then have less money in it than it does currently.

It sounds like the OP wants to work but this is just not the right role for her at the moment. Nothing wrong with admitting that.

[scottishmummy]

sometimes to get started need to take an initial salary,and work for increase
unlikely after 7yr absence to get paid loads,get pt.this may be the entry point
To an extent one needs to establish self to an employer.the pay off is wage rise as experience does

[ChristmasJubilee]

I work full time, not because I want to but because I have to. I wouldn't choose to do it and would choose to SAH if we could afford it and mine are all at school (I went back when ds's 1&2 were each 14 weeks and ds'3 was 8 months)

This week ds's 2&3 have been home from school unwell. I have had to use precious annual leave. By the time I collect ds3 from after school club he is often too tired to do homework. There is no time for evening activities - everything has to be fitted in at the weekend - along with cleaning, shopping, laundry etc. school open afternoons, concerts, sports days are difficult. Play dates impossible. In many ways it was easier when they were babies.

I think you have made the right decision OP. they are only young for such a short time and you can't get that time back.

You have the financial security in your husbands career. I'm sure you have taken the precaution of making provision for unexpected illness or unemployment.

[fraktion]

It's not as simple as the here and now though. Working for a £5kpa loss now may mean a £10kpa gain in retirement because of paying into pensions or future savings.

[scottishmummy]

I don't have to work,won't be in penury if I don't I whole heartedly chose to work
I think it's foolish to be wholly financially reliant upon partner,precarious position
plus I want my children to see mum work,and in a career.

[janey68]

Fraktion makes a very pertinent point. The evidence shows that a frightening percentage of women have nowhere near sufficient pension for their old age. Many wives of high earning husbands erroneously assume that if their husband dies first, the husbands entire pension transfers to her. Wrong. There may be a widows benefit in some pensions but it is usually a lot less than the full pension.

It's worth thinking about seriously. Even during the years when childcare wipes out the entire net pay, you are building up your future security.

I still think the major benefits to a good job are the other aspects apart from financial- using ones skills, intellectual stimulation, social aspects etc but it's worth thinking hard about the financial side

[ChristmasJubilee]

High earning husbands should be making provision for their wife's future so that she does have an adequate pension.

A SAHM is doing a job. She is bringing up the children.

[scottishmummy]

adult makes own provision,rather than be wee wifey hoping dh throws her pension crumb
housewife isn't a job it's a private family arrangement.and it's not ardest job either
if it were job wouldn't have to hope husband provides,shed have own job pay &pension

[janey68]

It's pointless to say husbands 'should' provide Long term Financial packages anyway... The statistics bear out that a scary number of women have inadequate provision. It's a big enough burden to pr

[janey68]

To provide for oneself anyway, never mind another adult

[scottishmummy]

what century are we in,hoping benevolent rich provide for wife
if you want financial security you need to make adequate provision
being financially dependent upon another adult is precarious.

[ceeveebee]

"High earning husbands should be making provision for their wife's future so that she does have an adequate pension."
Did the last 50 years not happen? Personally I'd rather be financially independent then rely on someone else to provide for me. Even if it means working for a loss for a couple of years - think of it as investment in the future.

[BikeRunSki]

You've been away from the workplace for 7 years and you have been offered a well job in a field you want to work in?

Do you realise how rare this type of job offer is?

Take it. It's the things you don't do that you regret.

[scottishmummy]

she knocked it back,cheered on by the precious moments crew
apparently £30k too much of a scrimp
it's so hard to get by on 30k and husband salary,apparently

[autumnlights12]

wee wifey? How about wee pen pusher? Wee wage slave? Offended? I hope so.

[scottishmummy]

offended why ever no,but in not sitting hoping a rich man make provision for me
if woman is passively hoping her rich husband make provision,that's wee wifey behaviour
hoping your rich dh provides for you, grateful for any crumb he chucks.no thanks

[MummytoKatie]

Being an adult sometimes involves accepting that sometimes you can't do something that would increase your own utility if it means significantly reducing the utility of the people you love.

I know very little about the Op's relationship with her dh but I don't think it sounds like he sees her as "wee wifey" at all. He is willing to cut down on the job that he loves and pays ridiculously well in order to facilitate Op's return to the working world. Even though that would damage his career. And Op is willing to give up doing a job she'd like to prevent this from happening as she has worked out that this would not maximise her family's utility. (Or income!)

Sounds a pretty balanced marriage to me.

There are lots of advantages to being a working mum even if you don't totally need the money (technically that applies to me) but why make yourself and your family miserable for the sake of a principle.

I work because it works for my family. Not so I can stand up and say "guess what - my pension is better than dh's. Go me!"

[autumnlights12]

Scottishmummy, your repeated barbed reference to precious moments is transparent. I'm not a psychologist but if I was I'd say you were most definitely projecting.

[BarceyDussell]

Stop being so bloody offended scottishmummy, why does it so upset you so much when other people don't want to live your life?

[scottishmummy]

I'm not offended in the least.wee wage slave,quite funny
not accurate has moderate mirth though