To not take this job after a 7 year career break?

[princessnumber2]

Got offered a job today and need to make a decision by tomorrow. It's a job with good career prospects in an area I want to get into. Full time salary is £30k. I haven't had a job for the last 7 years (have been ill/had ill child/done some academic courses/bits of training and numerous voluntary roles). Role is full time. I asked if they would let me do it part time and they said no. I have a 6 year old and a one year old.

Because of commute and lack of nursery places, I think the only option would be a nanny which would wipe out most/all of my earnings.

I don't need to work for financial reasons (husband earns very good salary, works full time and travels a lot with work). All money is split equally and no question of any earnings being 'his' as we both believe we contribute equally to the partnership. His job requires very flexible childcare which we probably wouldn't have been able to buy had I not done it. However, I am definitely concerned about the loss of my career (I gave up work to care for my daughter when she was very ill).

Basically it's the old classic, part time would be great but they're not up for it. So, how hard is it working full time with a one year old and a six year old and AIBU to turn it down because it would put a pretty big strain on our family for almost no financial reward?

(And yes he is willing to go part time but as he loves his job and earns loads doing it, I do feel harsh making him reduce his hours for me to take a much lower paid job that, while it has potential, is certainly not my dream job.)

The alternative is that I continue to do voluntary work and maybe a bit of freelance and just continue to build up my CV till the kids are a bit older.

please be kind. have never done an AIBU before...

Also to add that having similarly had a very ill child I know how much that can change your feelings with regards to your family and how hard it can be to bounce back into a job/career.

op said all money split equally why will she suffer?fair is dh share childcare cost
given she said they are prosperous,adding £30k will boost not diminish family income
the childcare needs to be split between op ad dh.30k will add to family not detract

Don't do it. You'll regret leaving your one year old to be brought up by someone else. If you don't need the money don't go back to work. Another job will come along eventually - this isn't the only job in the world.

lol,her kid won't be raised by feral childcarers, but dont let hysterical hyperbole get in way
has any one said why have kids if you let strangers raise em.mn bingo!
I simply can't imagine 7y not working,she's lucky she has skills employers wanted

Wow - thanks so much everyone for all your responses.

CaptainVonTrapp - thank you. I think you're right. If I took this I would decrease my chances of finding something suitable.

As for how the money is viewed. It's all one pot. Everything is pooled and there is no issue about who earns what. When I talk about a net loss I mean that this is a lot of extra work for our family as a whole for an actual financial loss for all of us.

RillaBlythe - no he's not a doctor. His role is a bit public so I don't want to say.

I am very interested in the job but the full time aspect, the long commute, the lack of family nearby and the ages of my children do put me off. To be honest, it's not really about the money. I am more than happy to work for free to keep/build my skills.

Scottish mummy - I am more than ready to work - but only on a part time basis. I have spent the last 7 years caring for a very ill child (and more recently another baby) but at the same time, I've kept up my skills and have done various courses and loads of voluntary work, some at a quite senior level, as well as some paid freelance, so that I could get back into more regular paid work when I wanted to. I would be more than happy to work full time with both kids in school but it's tough to swallow the pressure we'd all be put under for a fairly hefty net loss. Having looked in detail at what they'd allow and what childcare I can actually get (in central London) plus commute etc, I am basically looking at a nanny and losing around £700 a month to go to work full time. DH would try his best but his job involves a lot of foreign travel at short notice. In 6 months they might let me go part time but the key word there is 'might'. As other posters have said, I think if I took it I would have no time at all to work hard on getting something more manageable/desirable.

I haven't been a housewife for 7 years and I'm certainly not ambivalent about work. My DH has done everything possible to support me in keeping my skills up to date and, if it came to it, would drop to part time to enable me to take this job. However, he has his ultimate dream job, loves going to work and is paid very well (it's sickening really). I feel a bit churlish asking him to risk that for something which I am quite keen on and which may lead to a dream job but is certainly a long way off.

Live in nanny not really possible as we're in central london so don't really understand what 'spare rooms' are. Do they come in houses that have more than one toilet?

Mumsyblouse I agree. I think if I had family nearby I would go for it but they are all hundreds of miles away. Have great friends and neighbours but no-one who will actually look after a child with D&V for 2-3 days (have found only family really up for this)

I'm calling them now....

how long is the commute? That would be the deal breaker for me tbh.

ultimately do what will work for you.that's what we all do.IMO not insurmountable to work ft
did you do all the sums and pros and cons prior to applying for post?
are you prepared to start at 30kish and work up?when do you think youll return to work?

OK I called them again to discuss.

I told them it's not financially viable for me at the moment as the nanny and travel costs would mean I'd be making a pretty big loss. They still won't consider part time but said I could basically go for the same thing again in 6 months and probably still get it (still full time though). So I think this is a good result. I can look for something part time in the meantime but still have a very good chance at this job again in 6 months. Also gives more time to work on logistics to make it more financially viable.

Thanks for all your input. I will let you know when I get an amazing well paid, high profile part time job (in my dreams....)

given you're prosperous and share all monies don't see how £30k is disadvantageous
you said all money shared,so you earn £30k and split childcare costs with dh?
so even after paying childcare you're still up on the gain?if serious about return to work start to look for a cm now as they may have waiting list

I agree that you need to look on the childcare as a joint cost of you BOTH working. Ultimately even if temporarily you aren't making any net gain as a household, you are putting your specialise skills into practice and enjoying the social and other aspects of working. I would be desperate to get back after 7 years, but ultimately you need to decide the best path for your family

Good result princess :)

I would use this time to talk seriously with your husband about getting your career established. I have found that really, unless you are in big money jobs, then only one career can be in the ascendency at any one time, in other words, the other one of us has played second fiddle at different time points and this works relatively well at no-one falling off the ladder. Your turn is definitely coming, but it may be, for example, that you need more money to pay for the nanny you would need (if short notice foreign travel continues) or that your husband does indeed think about 3/4 day week or cutting back on travel, depending on his job flexibility.

I don't think it is sensible to take a job that massively financially and resources (your capacity) disadvantages your family, unless you have a very dated skill set or are very unlikely to get this chance again.

I agree with those who say that costs like childcare should be split, but really this is not about money, it is about a joint valuation in your marriage of your career, because it will take support from the other person to do it and with the current unavailability of your partner, you are a bit stuffed on that front.

I am not surprised that OP turned down the job. I could kind of tell that her heart just wasn't in it.
I have only worked f/t in one job since having the children, and I only did that because the accounts were in such a mess, it was agreed that I would work for x months full time, until I could get the accounts in some sort of fashion that would allow me to reduce to p/t and I would interview another accounts person to work alongside me. Working full time was very hard for me, and I was glad to get to the p/t part. I have only worked p/t since.
I do hope you find something suitable Op. Or maybe job like the one i had, where you can see it being reduced to p/t in the near furture, would be ideal. Hope you find it. They are like gold-dust!!

but what changes in 6mth?you hope for elusive pt,decline ft?That same as now
genuinely if in any way serious about working look at cost,availability childcare maybe go ft for period to be in better position to negotiate pt,get a rapport ask for pt.try out working

A while ago I applied for a job and got it (after 13 years out of the job market!) but after much soul-searching had to turn it down.

It wasn't the money. It was the holidays. Childcare was ok in term time but the thought of not only shelling out hundreds of pounds for school holiday care but also the thought of the dcs stuck in some holiday club for weeks on end was the deal breaker.

Dh works long hours and is often away; no family to speak of. It's a pisser but sometimes the game is not worth the candle.

I think you have done the right thing op. you don't need the job finically , and I think the strain would be to much on your family with such young children and a dh who works long hours. When the time is right an even better job will come along.

I genuinely don't understand why ir comes as surprise that jobs offer @4wk a/l
parents need to accommodate school hols,surely one thinks of that when applying for job?
if it really surprises I'd say you've not thought much about practicalities of work

Only take it if you want it and are happy to put your 1 year old in childcare. Otherwise say no politely, possibly reminding them you would take a xx% contract. Don't close any options to work there in future years.

I turned down a (new) job the other day. It just wasn't the right role and if I took it I didn't think I would stay long. It also wasn't what it claimed to be when I applied. I've also turned down jobs which won't take part time. I currently work 3 days and I think that's worth more to me than the most high flying career. At the moment.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

scottishmummy, the £30k is disadvantageous because it costs her £34k to earn it. (or whatever the correct figures are)

Oh, bugger, you hate the bold thing, don't you. At least I didn't do creepy wee brackets today.

I agree with SM. Hadn't you considered what full-time meant before you even applied for the job?
Letty said it was a dealbreaker about the school holidays. Had that not occured to you before? Before you applied?

I just don't think women are doing other women any favours if they apply before having thought these things through.

It makes us look like we are a bit dippy. They take the time to offer it to us. Then we say "oooooh I never thougth of that". Not really doing the old sisterhood many favours are we?

I wouldn't put very young children in childcare, unless I had no other option. I'm always amazed at how many Mums on Mumsnet work full time with young children and find it easy and thrilling! In my life, I only know one family where both parents work fulltime and thats because they only have the one dc, so its affordable. I did the full time gig for a thankfully brief spell, resigned.. and found it hideous. Tiring, both emotionally and physically. When mine got older, we had the school holidays to deal with. Fine. I'd thought of that. Holiday clubs. My kids really hated them and complained every time. And I'm not surprised really, as holiday clubs don't really cater properly for older kids. At least the ones we used don't seem to. I'm a sahm again right now and happy. But I'm a pretty strong person with good self esteem and never looked to work for self esteem. I've a very full life, fortunately. It sounds as though you do to. What does your gut say? Do that.

I think you did the right thing OP. I had a similar offer a while ago, and I realised that even once both DC were in school, the before/after school clubs, plus holiday childcare, plus travel, would wipe out half my salary.

I have since taken a much lower paid job in a school, school hours only. It made me realise that even this was a big enough change for my 2yo, no way would she have coped with me suddenly working full time. I love my new job, and once the kids are both in school I will have no childcare costs, and my actual take home pay will be v similar to what it would have been for the high-flying full time job!

The costs of childcare mean your household would make no net gain, and possibly a loss. You'd both be paying for you to work.

This is fine in a profession where experience is hard to come by, and can be considered an opportunity cost. It's fine in a job you love, where the younger rats are always nipping at your heels and coveting your client list.

It's ridiculous in instances where this isn't the case. You'd merely be paying to add stress to your family life.

That you were able to find work so quickly suggests you've done what you need to do to keep your foot in the door of your industry. At this stage there is no need to do any more.

You seem very keen to find a flexible or part-time role. Could you work from home, for yourself? You could employ a babysitter or au pair rather than a nanny, as they would not have sole charge.

we have two kids and I have always worked 30 hours a week but it only works because I have a local incredibly flexible job.I could definitely earn more elsewhere but it's hard to put a price on flexibility at this point. dp works full-time plus lots of travel.in my experience with young kids both parents working its doable but one career has to be local and flexible. good luck it sounds like you are ready when the right opportunity turns up.