To not take this job after a 7 year career break?

[princessnumber2]

Got offered a job today and need to make a decision by tomorrow. It's a job with good career prospects in an area I want to get into. Full time salary is £30k. I haven't had a job for the last 7 years (have been ill/had ill child/done some academic courses/bits of training and numerous voluntary roles). Role is full time. I asked if they would let me do it part time and they said no. I have a 6 year old and a one year old.

Because of commute and lack of nursery places, I think the only option would be a nanny which would wipe out most/all of my earnings.

I don't need to work for financial reasons (husband earns very good salary, works full time and travels a lot with work). All money is split equally and no question of any earnings being 'his' as we both believe we contribute equally to the partnership. His job requires very flexible childcare which we probably wouldn't have been able to buy had I not done it. However, I am definitely concerned about the loss of my career (I gave up work to care for my daughter when she was very ill).

Basically it's the old classic, part time would be great but they're not up for it. So, how hard is it working full time with a one year old and a six year old and AIBU to turn it down because it would put a pretty big strain on our family for almost no financial reward?

(And yes he is willing to go part time but as he loves his job and earns loads doing it, I do feel harsh making him reduce his hours for me to take a much lower paid job that, while it has potential, is certainly not my dream job.)

The alternative is that I continue to do voluntary work and maybe a bit of freelance and just continue to build up my CV till the kids are a bit older.

please be kind. have never done an AIBU before...

[Zhx3]

I work FT and I have 3 dcs under 7. It's a real balancing act - we use a combination of live-out nanny and nursery, but it's an expensive solution. I'm looking to our long term financial security, and my own career prospects, but dh and I are usually home by half past 6 in the evening nearly every evening,

I worked 4 days/week prior to that, so have only had my maternity leave periods at home (although I took the full year for each child). I do work flexibly though, so will work my hours as needed throughout the day/evening, and work from home when possible too.

How about a live-in nanny - do you have room for one? The take-home pay is usually about £100 less per week for the nanny, but you need to factor in extra living costs, food and electricity etc. Once the children are both in schools, childcare will become cheaper. I can't wait .

[msrisotto]

I really would take it, I would hate hate hate to be in such a vulnerable position as you are now. For the same reasons as pointed out in that other thread - what if your DH was for some reason unable to work? Left you? etc? It is important to have a back up plan. Fair enough that doesn't have to mean this particular job though.

[Mosman]

We have four children and i've worked on and off since they were born, never struggled to find a job even in 2007/08.
What I would say is it's really really tiring in my opinion juggling it all and unless you find a super nanny who tend to be very expense, the #10 an hour ones in my experience do the bare minimum.
I get ill alot more these days and I have no under lying health issues and I'm sure it's stress and exhaustion half the time.

[Mumsyblouse]

I work f/t, but I wouldn't take on a demanding commutable job unless there's another parent who can work a bit more flexibly. What if one child has a sickness bug one week, and another one the next week, followed by chicken pox?! These things happen. It is clear that unless your husband can work more flexibly, you are going to be ground down (if he doesn't get in til 8/9 at night) trying to manage all of the childcare/nannies/dinners/homework/juggling simply everything. And, it is exhausting.

If you were going to bring in much more money, it would be worth it because you could cushion the blow of your long hours/illness by throwing cash at it, such as cleaner 2/3 times a week, expensive online shops etc. But I'm sorry to say £30,000, if in the SE, if you have to pay for full-time childcare plus afterschool care, plus all the extra commute etc, you are not going to get much back.

I think if you have highly specialised skills that are not going out of date, I would hold off for a better paid/part-time job.

If any one of those things changed: more money, no commute, working from home 1/2 days a week, husband downsizing his job/working with more flexibility, I would leap at it, but with the hours he is working you are effectively a single working parent with no help living nearby, and I take my hat off to those people, but I suspect the majority do this simply to survive and not as a life-choice.

By the way, I do work f/t in a career I love, but a) I have help living nearby and have needed that help A LOT this term due to illness/flu/bugs and b) my work is a bit flexible, it is not life or death if I am not there (though mighty inconvenient). But it is a struggle to do it and the lack of childcare options when they are sick/you are late/trains delayed would make me think twice.

[scottishmummy]

you emphasize dh,his career,his salary.you're vicariously living through him
what about you?perhaps because you've not worked you've forgotten the thrill of it
have you gotten used to the housewife role,as you only seem to see the negatives of work

[Mumsyblouse]

I also wonder how many people who live this life would do it if they didn't have to money-wise? I get the sense many of the people on this thread don't work f/t with a commute for no money and no partner around in the eves, but think it sounds a good idea because they either can't get work or jobs are so scarce in the recession, not working sounds like a bad idea.

Mosman I had a similar issue for years, exhaustion, and it was just from trying to do the job of two people. I do love my work, but realistically, I can only do it with support from husband/family if necessary, as I support them. If one person is out of the picture, and you will be doing everything, it's really a toughie.

[Mumsyblouse]

Or- I would approach your husband and ask him to actively support you into taking this job (e.g. work from home one day, look into parental leave if need to take time off for the children and so on, arrange cleaner/shopping). You need both hands on deck to make two f/t commuting working parents work, it can't be just one person's job. You have been enabling his career by doing the childcare/shopping/household management up til now- time for a rebalance?

[kitsmummy]

Your home life will be horrendous, moreso as your DH doesn't work hours which will allow him to be there to help out. I understand that obviously some people have no choice but to work full time, but as you're fortunate enough to not be in that position, if it was me I wouldn't choose to put me or my family through it.

[Mosman]

The thrill of it ? I nearly spat my tea, honestly unless you are out there saving lives, freeing the wrongly imprisoned, championing the under dog can any of us really say our jobs are thrilling ?

[scottishmummy]

yes,i do find work v stimulating,there is a rush from it,that's why I do it
I think 7yrs housewife she's lost her vavavoom.of course work is stimulating
reading I don't get feeling she wants too work,vague notion of wait til kids older.what another 7yrs housewifery?

[Mumsyblouse]

I find my work thrilling and I am not trying to persuade the OP not to go back to work!

But, being the main childcarer/household manager plus commuting to a not that well-paid job can turn into an endurance, or even not be physically possible (she mentions her own/children's ill-health).

[bigkidsdidit]

I agree

As I said I work FT and I ADORE my job and am very career-focused.

BUT I think full time hours with no flexibility, a long commute, one child at school (which makes it harder), a partner who travels a lot... it sounds like an awful lot to manage.

[GreatUncleEddie]

Take it. It's SO much easier to find a job from a job. Once you are there you will have opportunities that you can not access from home.

[HazelnutinCaramel]

I wouldn't. Your DH is not able to help much so it's all on you. You won't make much money and you can't afford a nanny. A one year old is a bit young to be in full-time care if not necessary.

All you're going to do is add stress to your life. My answer would be different if I felt you realky wanted it and were crazy bored being a SAHM but you seem ambivalent about it.

[SoldeInvierno]

I would take it and spend the salary in getting a nanny. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back to be a SAHM, but if it does, you might get a lot of satisfaction out of a job which you have studied and worked hard to get. Besides, in a few years time, your youngest will be at school and then, you would only need a part time nanny/childminder, so your finances will be better. If you wait another 4 years, until your youngest is at school, to find a job, you will have been out of work for 11 years, and that's going to be even more difficult.

[Mosman]

7 years of doing as she please sounds very appealing, perhaps I've had a bad day week but honestly the corporate crap and mind games, the coming home to do everything the OP currently does but having to fit it in before and after work, for no financial gain ? Yeah thrilling !

[Elegantlybasted]

Will the firm be making pension contributions for you? What about other benefits? I'd want the independence myself, turn the job down but there is no guarantee that you'll get another one. I went back to work full time after my DD was born, worked hard for a year and then put in my request for flexible working, it was granted. I have never worked full time since. It is easier to get part time hours when you have your feet under the table, so to speak, and have made yourself indispensable.

[scottishmummy]

I'd check out cost and availability of nursery,or cm.be aware what's out there
you'll always be able up with reason not to work,plenty enough nay Sayers too
pragmatically it's great you have skills employers want.there never perfect time start work,you need to take the leap

[Mytimewillcome]

Why do all the childcare costs have to come out of your salary? Can't you split and prorata it according to your salaries?

I would not like my one year old to be in full time childcare. If your DH could go 4 days a week that would help.

I'd be inclined to do Elegantlybasted has suggested. If they say no and you don't think its working out then leave. At least you will have something recent to put on your CV and a good reason for leaving.

[Mumsyblouse]

Having two different children (with health conditions? unsure on this) in two different types of childcare will be a nightmare. If you do go for it, and can't afford nanny (which you can't), I'd look at a childminder who might also take the 6 year old if need extra care/afterschool/holidays.

The friends I know who manage this best and have thrilling careers have one child and a husband who helps out equally (e.g. does drop offs, cooks, housework). Or earn a lot of money. Or both. This is not the situation the OP finds herself in.

[BonaDea]

YANBU.

This is not the right job for you. I would wait until the 1 year old is a bit older, keep doing your voluntary work and build your cv, then take the RIGHT job when it comes.

If your DH travels a lot with work you know you are going to be pulled in all directions trying to manage pick ups / drops offs. What is the point in paying a nanny almost what you would earn, to do the job less well than you?

And for those say "there are people crying out for jobs" maybe it is better that someone who desperately needs a job take this one, rather than someone who is going to make herself miserable trying!

[survivingwinter]

At this moment in time I wouldn't take the job because I think you will end up getting resentful of the time spent away from your family and the cost of childcare. If your DH is able to support the family I wouldn't personally have any issue with not working when you have small children - although maybe that's just me!

If this employer wants you now, chances are there may be openings in a few years time when your younger child starts school?

It's crazy isn't it - my DH would do anything for a full time job but he can only work part time due to government cuts!! I can't get a job at all

[happymschicken]

I went back to work full time when my DS was 15 months old. I commuted an hour each way and had a cleaner every fortnight and it nearly killed me. After 6 months I was so exhausted I had to give it up. I still feel terrible guilt at putting my DS with a CM (although to be fair, she was bloody awful and I ended up reporting her to Ofsted).

If it's any consolation, after that job I found a part-time job immediately afterwards and I'm about to go freelance after having my second DC.

Part time jobs are as rare as hens teeth so perhaps you can use this as a stepping stone and to get some relevant experience on your CV and then leave if it gets too much.

[scottishmummy]

you both need to share childcare costs,not solely from your wage
I'd bump this for evening workers.I think now you'll get the housewives and naysayers
if you wait til youngest at school that will be 11yrs out job market,is that what you want

[higgle]

Are you sure you would be left with so little income? 30k is about £1,850 per month. I worked from when my children ( sons with a 4 year gap) were each 6 weeks old and although we had a lovely nanny when they were very little a good childminder who could take both was what worked best. As one of yours will only be holidays and before and after school surely that would leave you with something for working? Once they are both at school you will be well settled into your work, hopefully even promoted and everything will be much easier. If you leave it until your youngest is at school you will be starting out after 11 years away and (depending on what the work is) possibly no job anyway. Something must have encouraged you to apply, so you probably should give it a go.