To not take this job after a 7 year career break?

[princessnumber2]

Got offered a job today and need to make a decision by tomorrow. It's a job with good career prospects in an area I want to get into. Full time salary is £30k. I haven't had a job for the last 7 years (have been ill/had ill child/done some academic courses/bits of training and numerous voluntary roles). Role is full time. I asked if they would let me do it part time and they said no. I have a 6 year old and a one year old.

Because of commute and lack of nursery places, I think the only option would be a nanny which would wipe out most/all of my earnings.

I don't need to work for financial reasons (husband earns very good salary, works full time and travels a lot with work). All money is split equally and no question of any earnings being 'his' as we both believe we contribute equally to the partnership. His job requires very flexible childcare which we probably wouldn't have been able to buy had I not done it. However, I am definitely concerned about the loss of my career (I gave up work to care for my daughter when she was very ill).

Basically it's the old classic, part time would be great but they're not up for it. So, how hard is it working full time with a one year old and a six year old and AIBU to turn it down because it would put a pretty big strain on our family for almost no financial reward?

(And yes he is willing to go part time but as he loves his job and earns loads doing it, I do feel harsh making him reduce his hours for me to take a much lower paid job that, while it has potential, is certainly not my dream job.)

The alternative is that I continue to do voluntary work and maybe a bit of freelance and just continue to build up my CV till the kids are a bit older.

please be kind. have never done an AIBU before...

[DueInSeptember]

Well it's very encouraging for you to be offered this, your skills must be relevant and up to date so that is great news! Sorry I haven't got any useful advice but I know that I would feel the same way as you do tbh.

[CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease]

I'm going against the grain here but recently offered amazing job with either pt or ft hours. I have 4 and 1year old and decided not to take it! Huge decision but although a great opportunity we decided the cost. Family life was too high. That and fears about childcare at short notice!

[princessnumber2]

Thanks Wanda. That's really helpful. I know someone who said they pay £700-800 a week for their nanny. (I'm in the south east). So you're right, that salary wouldn't pay for a nanny. It's one thing not earning but not sure I can face a massive loss to go to work...

So just need to decide whether to take DH up on his offer of cutting his hours and massively damaging his career on the off chance I can get mine to really take off in this wonderful economic climate.

[princessnumber2]

DueInSept and PetGiraffe, thanks very much.

Good to know I'm not alone in my hesitation.

[misterwife]

I would take it - as long as the childcare costs don't start eating into your partner's salary too. It's valuable experience after a long gap.

[ceeveebee]

I was about to post the same thing - a full time nanny in south east would cost you £30k at least. So actually if you think you need a nanny then you'll be working for a loss as you will only come out with £22k after tax or thereabouts. If you can find a suitable nanny share it will be cheaper of course (probably slightly more than half a sole nanny).

Can you do early starts - if you could work 8-4 and DH 9-6 it could work with a childminder? Any family local to you who could help with the weeks DH has to work away? Or could you / DH work from home once a week to cut out the commute time?

[RyleDup]

I probably wouldn't take it as I would want a part time post. I did have a long career break, not as long as yours, 3 years, and I went back in on more money when I decided to go back. It depends what you do and what opportunities are out there. You can only base your decision on that really.

[Viviennemary]

I think it would be quite hard to start full time work when you have a baby and a six year old. But if you really want this job then go for it. Especially if you think you will regret turning it down.

[princessnumber2]

No family nearby sadly. DH never home before 8-9pm.

The thing that worries me with childminder is what about when kids are ill? I thought CM wouldn't take mindee if ill? (As mine have been continually for about 6 weeks...) That's why I thought nannyshare might be better?

DH can't really get out of work at short notice (can't really say why but it's not because he thinks he's VERY important. More like a surgeon cancelling on you that morning - not possible to get cover and harsh repercussions for third parties).

I have to go to bed now but if you could all just come up with a definitive answer while I'm asleep, that'd be lovely

[pippop1]

How about trying it out for 6 months? It can be your own personal deadline and it's the worst time of year, dark mornings and evenings, revolting weather and so on.

If it works out you can carry on and if not quit.

How will you feel if you don't try and then you don't get another offer when you are ready for one? Will you regret it?

[sleeplessinsuburbia]

I'm all for independence, I work for barely any money after childcare costs but my job doesn't inconvenience my family as much as yours would.

I think I would decline knowing that work is available and apply for work again in 6 months to a year while I got my head around the logistics and didn't have any apprehension.

[CaptainVonTrapp]

princess why do you think you've been 'really lucky' to get the job?

I bet you have good skills, and experience, came across well at interview. And the employer was thrilled to find you.

Keep looking for something more suitable. Sounds like if you take this, you wont have time for anything, let alone looking for the dream job.

[jellybeans]

I wouldn't do it I would stick with the freelance stuff for now. Would never choose full time with small DC. Tried it and didn't like it. Now SAH but study p/t. Ideal for us.

[Narked]

I'd bite their hand off.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

I work FT with a 2 & 6yo. You can do it. Look into childminders, much cheaper than nannies.

[HoFlippinHo]

Try to look at is as the childcare costs coming out of your joint salary, rather than just out of yours - that might help put it into perspective. There's no reason why your dh shouldn't contribute towards the cost of childcare is there?

[RillaBlythe]

I'd bite their bloody hand off too, but that is partly because I am currently obsessed with my lack of career while DP has furthered his (is your DH a doctor btw?).

[Narked]

I couldn't not work for that long. My head would explode.

[CailinDana]

You don't seem keen to take it, so I would say no. I don't see the point in working for the sake of it, particularly if the people whose lives have to change in order to accommodate it are small children. If both children were at school I would probably say give it a try but seeing as you can keep your skills up without working f/t I think it makes more sense to stay at home, as that's clearly the better option for you. Why add stress to your life for nothing?

[Phineyj]

I'd take it, personally, and see how it goes for six months or a year, and then try to negotiate compressed hours/working from home some of the time. Jobs like that don't grow on trees, and you've been out of the workplace for quite a long time. It would be nice if there were more part time, family friendly jobs but there aren't, and we have to deal with the world as it is not as we'd like it to be.

The way I see it is that while of course children need their mums they also need role models and contacts as they grow up (especially the girls -- what incentive has a girl got to work hard for a fulfilling career if she thinks she'll have to give it all up?), and all women's skills are important, not just the caring ones. If your husband was a SAHD I bet everyone would be telling him to go for it!

I am a bit about people describing your one year old as 'a baby' too as that's when maternity leave normally ends -- so everyone else has to go back to work then if they want to keep their jobs. Personally I am on a lot less than £30k but it's still financially worthwhile my going back as the salary grows depending on years worked, in a predictable way (although my DH does not have an extreme job and I do have family locally).

[Phineyj]

Actually having said that if you're not enthusiastic about the job then maybe you shouldn't take it as you could be depriving someone else. I love mine so that's not really an issue.

Sorry that's not very helpful!

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

working full time with kids, let alone really young ones is hard. To be honest, if financially you don't need to work full time I would hold off for a part time position if you can.

I went back to work part time after I had my DS - I just did a 3 day week till he went to school and then gradually increased my hours. He is 10 now and I am back to full time and loving it but I wouldn't have wanted to do full time when he was 1, esp if financially I didn't need to.

Do you want to do it though, that is the question? If you do then go for it, if not then don't - what is your gut reaction?

[mrscogon34thstreet]

I would give it a go - like you've now acknowledged you could always leave and/or drop hours in the future once you're established. It also would only be a short amount of time working for nothing, as nursery bills decrease with time, and as you've said there are prospects for progression (and I assume higher salaries?). I can understand your hesitations though, but I think you should try it and see.

[bigkidsdidit]

ooh, tricky. I work full time but flexibly which makes it ok and I have no commute.

I would go back to them and say you wanted a 9 day fortnight, for example, with one day a week from home. Or whatever flexibility you think you would like. If they say no, politely turn it down. They might say yes.

If they do say yes, take it on 6 months probatino. Get a cleaner, adn see how you go. If you think in that six months you could do it part time, make the business case to them. If not, and you are unhappy, quit or move on

good luck :)

[scottishmummy]

I work ft it's achievable with good planning
don't need to work. I want to work.I can't imagine not working
if youre not ready to go back after 7yr when will you be ready?12?you don't seem keen