"So Irishchic, what DO you do all day at home?"

[irishchic]

I was at a Christmas Party on sat night with my husband. I was chatting to a woman whose dh works with my dh. She works full time and has 3dc. I dont work, and have 5dc. She was telling me how totally organised she is for Christmas, has had all her presents bought, wrapped and put in the loft by the end of october. Then she told me that her Xmas dinner table is always set to perfection as she is very particular that everything is just perfect on the day.

So far so good. I must admit to feeling a little inadequate that I was nowhere near as organised as she is, but thats ok, I can live with that. But then she turned to me as said, "So Irishchic, how do you put in your day? I mean you must have SO much free time now that your youngest has started school, you're like a real lady of leisure arent you!?!"

I was a bit gobsmacked. She was being perfectly serious. I have met her on occasion before and she always makes some allusion to me not working, but never anything quite as irritating as this. My dh has also told me that her dh has to frequently listen to her going on about how "easy" irishchic has it at home compared to her.

I was blindsided and muttered something about plenty of housework, shopp[ing laundry etc that has to be done. My dh told me after that I should have just told her to "wind yer neck in love!" or something along those lines.

My dh has a v stressful and busy work life,he is also involved in community and voluntary stuff, so I pretty much run everything else in our lives bar work, I know many women manage all this and more, I take my hat off to them genuinely, but I feel pretty stretched in my own role, and certainly dont spend my days idling away constantly remodelling my house or something.

I am pissed off with her for the comment, but MOSTLY am annoyed with myself for trying to frame a polite response instead of being able to put her in her place with a witty retort. It really ruined my night.

AIBU?

I usually say 'As little as possible, most days' and this seems to shut most people up

Masturbation. Wink, go get another drink.

It's my standard response when people question me about what I do.

Well I suppose YANBU if that's how you really feel but I have to wonder why it bothered you?

It seems like a perfectly normal question to me from someone making polite conversation.

I'm a SAHM and my youngest is 10. I've been asked this a lot and it's never occurred to me to be offended.

gah
get a job fgs

She's obviously jealous if she's speaking to her husband about you!

I like Clayhead's answer.

And your husband's.

I meant to add, no-one can make you feel inadequate unless somewhere deep inside you feel it anyway imo.

Well... What do you do all day?

if she works full time, someone else looks after the kids for a bit, they're put of the house longer and so make less mess. I personally found going out to work a lot
Easier tbh

Out of the house**

Yes I like those replies Clayhead and Lauries.

Worra I found it irritating because she said I was a lady of leisure, and whilst I can admit that what i do is not exactly like "being down the mines" I'm not sat on my arse all day as the term lady of leisure would imply.

She was probably just generally wondering, I would TBH as I have never been in your position and being on my own all day in the house would drive me nuts HW to do or not!

There are probably more tactful ways of asking and the "lady of leisure" joke obviously went down badly, but I doubt she was trying to make you justify your existence but instead trying to take an interest.

Milkman, postman, gasman, meter reader.............

In your case, worra, the appropriate answer would be: "lurking on AIBU so I can get to answer each thread before anyone else".

How about "all the things you pay your cleaner and nanny to do" (this only works if she actually has a cleaner/nanny and you don't...)

I am a SAHM and have a supposed friend who doesn't yet want children. Every time I see her she makes a comment an

"i entertain my lovers. your husband comes round twice a week."

"five kids climbed out of my chuff and now i sit on it, to make sure there are no more."

Oh come on OP, the lady of leisure thing was a joke.

Fair enough if you didn't find it funny, but I wouldn't give it another thought if you're happy with the way you live.

Damn phone!

Every time I see her she makes a comment about the vast amount of time I have on my hands and the words an her manner always make it feel like an insult; I don't think it's my paranoia. And I also always get so cross with myself for not calling her up on it. I don't think I need to justify my day to her or really anyone. Masturbation all the way from now on!

She sounds jealous, and trying to feel better about herself by putting you down

I like Clayhead's response too. You have to subtly take the piss out of these types.

"Lady of Leisure?"

"Oh yes, I'm a lady who lunches"

Obviously, this woman is never going to be your friend, so don't rise to the bait.

She sounds boring, bit like a Stepford wife....

I like Bridget's answer the best

You don't have to justify how you spend your day to anyone. From your OP it sounds like you're quite defensive about your SAHM role and that's why her question got to you so much. Work on being ok with your own view of yourself and questions like these won't bother you so much.

If someone asked me this (and they never have, despite me being a SAHM for two years) I think I would give them a very very detailed breakdown of my day and bore the pants off them.

I'd have been annoyed OP as well. She sounds smug and patronising.

I love Peaceandlovebunny's or the 'as little as possible' answer.

'I paint my nails and stuff my face with bonbons.'

'Why do you want to know?' works for many a rude question.

'Well aren't you the patronising little so and so..' might be another answer.