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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH is a twat!!

121 replies

2muchxmaspud · 16/12/2012 23:31

I've done a double shift today so OH was at home with our DS who is 3.5. I AM HORRIFIED to find out he hasn't gave DS a drink since 4pm as he has been a bit sickly lately, fair enough, don't give him milk just before bedtime but at least give him water or juice! He doesn't go to bed till 8pm and sleeps all night. He is off his food so I don't feel like he is as humgry if I give him milk at 7ish, I'm now sat here thinking my poor son has been deprived of a drink so OH hasn't had to deal with sick...
When he told me I calmly remarked that it was a bit shit not letting him have a drink, he stormed off and locked himself in spare room saying I was over reacting and to piss off, leave him alone and that I had won if I wanted space to myself.
I was fine untill he said he refused him a drink, I feel so sorry for DS who will now have to go 16hrs for a drink!!! Am I being unreasonable here, I don't think I am, if he is feeling and being sick he should have fluids! But to say to him "no your not having a drink incase your sick!" is awfull! I can't beleive OH saying I'm over reacting!

OP posts:

Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor · 16/12/2012 23:33

Rouse ds gently and offer him a drink at his mouth whilst he's still half asleep. He'll drink it if he's thirsty

SoleSource · 16/12/2012 23:35

Yanbu

Water when ill.

What a selfish idiot!!

I would find it extremly hard to trust him after this. I am overprotective too.

SoleSource · 16/12/2012 23:36

Yes offer a drink
Please

Really worried :(

Softlysoftly · 16/12/2012 23:37

Was it because he might be sick? Did he actually say that? Does he logically know that fluids are essential for ill kids?

Yes rouse him for a drink it's important.

Now just need to work out if your OH is genuinely quite cruel or just a bit thick maybe?

Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor · 16/12/2012 23:37

You need to be sure he's asleep because he's tired and not asleep because he's dehydrated. Your dps behaviour shows he knows he's a twat so not really up for discussion. Just make sure your little boy is ok.

Imabadmum · 16/12/2012 23:38

This is a mum thing, you always want your mum when you feel sick, cos they're just better at it. Agree with Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor, offer him a drink in a lidded cup, if he's thirsty he will drink. If he's sick, you'll deal with it. Have a bowl, kitchen towel etc handy in his room, just in case.

Hope he feels better soon. Xx

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/12/2012 23:44

Stuff like this is why I used paid childcare

Softlysoftly · 16/12/2012 23:55

But could he have been under the illusion it was better not to make him sick?

I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt as to know dehydration can kill, to know a little boy would be gasping and to choose to leave him like that as a father just to avoid sick is really awful. It would lead me to my first leave the bastard.

But being SN optimist did he genuinely misunderstand the need?

Softlysoftly · 16/12/2012 23:55

An not SN

Moominsarescary · 16/12/2012 23:55

That's really cruel I think

Original poster

2muchxmaspud · 16/12/2012 23:56

Thank you all! Yes OH is an idiot( at times), he panics when DS is bad, but he lectures me, turn heating down, strip him down to his undies when hes hot, you should really be giving him his 5 a day so he doesn't get constipated, which is why I was like WTF when he said he 'refused' him a drink! Admitedly he hates vomit but I was truely horrified when he said, "well he wont be sick tonight, he had his last drink at 4, you need to put your foot down, he would drink all day if you let him." 4pm is well before his friggin tea time!
I feel totally shit because I didn't leave idiot proof instructions, I have hunted out an old lidded cup so I can give him a drink of water, I am just totally dumb struck at his reasoning!
He has 2 DD who are 19 and 17 and he panders to their needs so he isn't a new time father, I am gob smacked! He tried to make me out like I was starting a fight fir the sake of it... I was fine, having a laugh untill he rold me that.

Will offer D S drink soon but worried as Im double shift again tomorrow!!

OP posts:

Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor · 16/12/2012 23:58

Carers leave.

He's under 5 so you're entitled to a week a year unpaid i believe.

takataka · 17/12/2012 00:00

he wouldnt have done this to avoid cleaning up the mess surely; but thinking he was doing right by your son and not making him sick?? misguided but not intentionally cruel?

its worrying that he doesnt know how important fluids are. I think his reaction is OTT because he is defensive huh? could he go on a children's first aid course or similar?

is he a attentive caring dad in general?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/12/2012 00:00

Dear god it comes to something when you can't rely on a child's father to look after them properly...

I would be upset OP, not sure how you fix it though. If he is an uncaring selfish twat, then will be really be motivated to change?

Softlysoftly · 17/12/2012 00:01

He sounds like he cares so I would be thinking that he's just fuckong stupid and hasn't thought it through rather than deliberately cruel.

Strict instructions and a visit to the NHS site on why dehydration is so dangerous, I assume he won't do it again?

If he would or you even suspect he would then you have to take the time off and have a serious think about the type of man he is.

SoleSource · 17/12/2012 00:02

Can you offer your poor son a drink please this is really upsetting

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 17/12/2012 00:03

Don't go to work if you're genuinely worried. No one should have to leave their child with someone they don't trust to look after them properly, be that someone another parent or paid child care.

If you're just a bit shocked that he thought this was the best method of dealing with the sickness perhaps try to have a calm chat before bed about how you were shocked and a little scared by the idea of a poorly child being refused fluids and make a decision from there.

Hope you get it sorted and your DS feels better soon.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 17/12/2012 00:06

Don't worry Sole, OP know's it's important for him to have a drink and no doubt she's doing it now. OP could you let us know when your DC has been offered a drink.

SoleSource · 17/12/2012 00:07

yes :(

ThatBlokesANutter · 17/12/2012 00:12

Complete over reaction Sole... dear God, the child will live! If he is thirsty, believe me, you'll know all about it.

OP - Having said all that, I'd be cross too. It's not very 'good' - although I think you can assume that he will be given a drink tomorrow. Unless he is an abusive father who did this deliberately? No? Then let it rest now, see if he wants a drink and leave it at that

PoppyPrincess · 17/12/2012 00:13

He will be fine, I'd probably just leave him a drink next to his bed, if he's really thirsty it'll wake him up.
I do think OH thought he was doing the right thing, I'm sure he would have been more concerned about DS being sick and therefore making him feel horrible rather than the fact that he'd have to clean it up.

Original poster

2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 00:14

Just gave DS drink and he went straight back to sleep.
He is a good father as a rule, he takes him the park when Im at work and plays giants with him. OH had awfull childhood, no excuse, but makes me question his rationale of certain things... Yeah he hates vomit but who the fuck does pardon the french, I am just mortified that he thought DS shouldnt have a drink."incase" he was sick! I called him cruel and told him he was bang out of order, cue him heading for spare room, I just had to know I wasn't over reacting as he told me I was being a bunny boiler... My son is my life and he is my priority... I stand my ground, OH was wrong, thank you all for being behind me on this 1...

OP posts:

SoleSource · 17/12/2012 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ThatBlokesANutter · 17/12/2012 00:17

I may not know you but I know an over reaction when I see one. And you over reacted. What exactly do you think will happen to this boy? Children routinely go 12 plus hours a night without fluid--- it's called being asleep.

So, I'd say that I'm not the ignorant one in this situation. Merely providing a more balanced viewpoint which you seem to have struggled with.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 17/12/2012 00:18

How would that make you a bunny boiler 2much?

Perhaps he realised how silly it was and his anger was misplaced towards you. Have you had a chat since he went to the spare room?

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