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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH is a twat!!

121 replies

2muchxmaspud · 16/12/2012 23:31

I've done a double shift today so OH was at home with our DS who is 3.5. I AM HORRIFIED to find out he hasn't gave DS a drink since 4pm as he has been a bit sickly lately, fair enough, don't give him milk just before bedtime but at least give him water or juice! He doesn't go to bed till 8pm and sleeps all night. He is off his food so I don't feel like he is as humgry if I give him milk at 7ish, I'm now sat here thinking my poor son has been deprived of a drink so OH hasn't had to deal with sick...
When he told me I calmly remarked that it was a bit shit not letting him have a drink, he stormed off and locked himself in spare room saying I was over reacting and to piss off, leave him alone and that I had won if I wanted space to myself.
I was fine untill he said he refused him a drink, I feel so sorry for DS who will now have to go 16hrs for a drink!!! Am I being unreasonable here, I don't think I am, if he is feeling and being sick he should have fluids! But to say to him "no your not having a drink incase your sick!" is awfull! I can't beleive OH saying I'm over reacting!

OP posts:
PoppyPrincess · 17/12/2012 00:19

Sole nutter hasn't said anything nasty, just that it was an over reaction, I think she's right and your response was another over reaction.
Your OH isn't a twat, he was just doing what he thought best, yes he made a wrong decision, he was a bit stupid but that doesn't make him a twat.

ThatBlokesANutter · 17/12/2012 00:21

Ah Poppy - another voice of reason!

He will be fine. I'd turn down the heat a bit on this one. No one is saying it was right, but it's hardly the crime of the century. Educate him a little, make it clear what your views are and that's the end of it.

I'm so hurt at being called a nutter Sad

Oh hang on... Grin

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2012 00:27

Erm, I do think you overreacted a bit, sorry. Sounds like your dh just needs educating a bit. Sometimes kids DO vomit juice and the like straight back up or 10 mins later so I can understand where he might have got the idea from that it was best not to let him have one. If that's the case with either of mine I always make them drink water instead which is much cleaner if it comes back up!!!

I'm sorry but men are GENERALLY ( not all) not quite there with the common sense when it comes to child care. Sounds like it was the case here rather than a deliberate act of neglect or cruelty as some on this thread are trying to make out. Your son would have woken up himself if he'd been extremely thirsty without you having to wake him.

By the way mine have always had a drink of water on their bedside table from when they were younger than your son in case they wake up thirsty in the night and they can help themselves. Is this not something you could do?

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 00:28

Sole, I was sat there worried about him not having fluids. I work for NHS and know how important they are hence the post. I was worried that I was being an over protective mam pulling OH, OH is a good dad as a rule but sometimes thick, he made me feel like I had called him worse than shit for not giving him a drink. Thank you so much for your concern, regardless of him being bad Id of woke him for a drink. Glad everyone agreed I wasn't wrong for being angry with OH and that I was right to be worried about him not giving DS a drink. OH is stubborn and hates to be proved wrong. Glad you were all there for me when I needed you most. I admit OH made me feel I was over reacting. DS has had a good drink as I had planned and is tucked up back in bed xxxx

OP posts:
ThatBlokesANutter · 17/12/2012 00:30

For goodness sake woman... he'll live!

I'm beginning to see your husband's point when he says you were over reacting

Chill!

MerryLindor · 17/12/2012 00:30

I think that your OH was wrong not to give your DS a drink but am assuming it was done out of ignorance, not cruelty.

I am quite shocked at comment such as 'this is why I use paid childcare' though - this is the child's father that we are talking about. Yes, he made a mistake, but if the boy drank at 4pm and had something to eat later then he is unlikely to be dehydrated by midnight.

OP
Sit down with your OH and explain calmly about keeping DC hydrated when they have been ill. I have found the best way is to allow the child to drink a teaspoon of water every ten minutes, gradually increasing the volume of water and decreasing the time between drinks.

Solesource
Sorry, but I think that you overreacted. You admit yourself that you are over-protective, so it is perhaps not a good thing for you to involve yourself in threads such as this, if you cannot give impartial advice.

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 17/12/2012 00:32

I don't like 'you need to put your foot down, he would drink all day if you let him...' it's good for kids to drink regularly, far better than them drying up! Does your DS have a water cup in his bedroom overnight? Mine does as I would rather he could always have a drink if he woke up thirsty. But I would also be clear that if DS is sick, that will have to be dealt with but he should not be refused water. He needs to accept that or there is a problem.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2012 00:37

Snazzy - no, that comment is a bit worrying. All kids are different and the op's child might well be one who naturally drinks a lot like my ds2. Ds1, by contrast, still has to be reminded to drink and he is 9! He can go all day without drinking!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/12/2012 00:38

I'm agreeing with you, snazzy, by the way, in case it's not clear!

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 00:51

Hi, DS has always had a drink by his bed since he was 2, which is why I was so annoyed.

Please may I say, Sole is reacting exactly how I did at first but I had time to digest it before I asked the lovely folk of MN for their opinion.
U would also like to point out OH is 46 and really should know better considering he has 2 older teenage daughters. So thats why I was dumbfounded by his reactions, he really should know better.
He reacted the way he did (as someone said) because he thought it was best. I needed to know I hadnt over reacted as he said I had.

Main thing is DS has had a drink, which waa my intention so my mind may rest, I needed to know I wasn't over reacting, thank you all for backing my gut feeling on that one. I do truat OH with our son, but I still believe he is a twat for how he handled this. Skulking off to spare room like a teenager...

OP posts:
AudrinaWhiteChristmasAdare · 17/12/2012 01:01

16 hours Shock

I take a bottle of water up to bed with me at night and I am forty one years old. I am not especially dehydrated due to illness but it is winter and the central heating makes me thirsty. Then again I am also thirsty at night in the summer. I don't drink it all but it is there if I need it.

Who the fuck denies a small child who has been sick and losing fluids a drink? He just wanted to make his life easier. Would your twat of an OH go without a drink if he were ill for that many hours? I suspect not.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/12/2012 02:54

That blokes.

Children who are dehydrated tend to be drowsy rather than able to wake and be alert enough to ask for a drink. They are often even more drowsy when the dehydration is caused by sickness/ illness. It's actually a symptom of dehydration.

Mild dehydration in under 5's can turn to severe dehydration requiring urgent medical attention in as few as 8 hours risking kidney failure and death.

A sick or ill child refused a drink for that long is pure stupidity, and refusing to take on board that its a huge issue is in its self a big problem.

If after he had his tantrum he then made it clear it wouldn't happen again then perhaps no biggy if no harm done this time. But lacking insight to the point of refusing to accept its dangerous and having a huff is a huge indicator he will risk it again.

So sorry but sole did not over react

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs · 17/12/2012 03:48

Nutter is way off and everyone else is right. He's 3.5 he's sick and may well have a bit of a fever, he can dehydrate very quickly even with sips of water as he has been vomiting.
Little kids end up needing IV fluids when sick feverish and deprived of fluids, so leave the OP alone she wasn't over reacting, he Dh was out of order.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/12/2012 03:59

I am quite shocked at comment such as 'this is why I use paid childcare' though - this is the child's father that we are talking about. Yes, he made a mistake, but if the boy drank at 4pm and had something to eat later then he is unlikely to be dehydrated by midnight.

It may shock you,but sometimes children need to be protected from extremely incompetent parenting,if that incompetence leads to dangerous situations and the parent refuses to take on board advice or information or support to attempt to help them recognise things that are risks. Under those circumstances it would be a child protection risk to leave the child with that parent. Ultimately its the responsibility of the competent parent to manage this. Paid child care and supervision is an effective way of doing so whilst still making sure the other parent has time to learn.

It's why there are shed loads of supervised contact orders issued and child protection procedures

Now I'm not saying that's the op's suituation but I thought an explanation may ease your shock just a bit.

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 06:35

May I just clarify, DS doesn't have a fever, and he has had plenty to drink through the night,
Thank you for everyones concern x I don't think OH will make this monumental mistake again.

OP posts:
EleanorGiftbasket · 17/12/2012 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 07:02

The reason I posted it so late was due to fact I had just found out off OH. I had been at work all day doing a 13hr shift and didn't get in till half 9. It popped out in his conversation at 10, we then had words, he said I was over reacting, I came on MN to as if I was right in hitting the roof with OH.
Some have supported me, and I value everyones comments.
For me personally, I think 4pm is a lirrle to early for a last drink, yes he had his tea afterwards but I like him to have a drink at 7 so he isnt as thirsty through the night, especially as hes feeling sick, if I'm thirsty it makes me feel worse.

OP posts:
peaceandlovebunny · 17/12/2012 07:06

hopefully by now he's had a drink.

i left the four year old with her dad all day once. they shared a packet of biscuits and a yoghurt. just.
apparently, there was nothing else in the house.
well, when i would find nothing in the house, i'd go to the shop.
he became the ex shortly afterwards.

EleanorGiftbasket · 17/12/2012 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pickles101 · 17/12/2012 07:49

Could see your point at the start but now I think I'm with your OH Hmm

misterwife · 17/12/2012 08:32

If he's been vomiting then he will be dehydrated and will need regular water. You know this, hence why you're really angry.

Your OH clearly needs a bit of education about this, but getting really pissy with him will have predictable results (as described above).

ginnybag · 17/12/2012 08:58

OP, your DH story doesn't hold up.

He 'refused' him a drink 'in case it made him sick'..... but then gave him his tea....?

Eh?

You may want to dig a little deeper here, because if just a drink would have made him ill, actual food was definitely going to.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 17/12/2012 09:09

This is the weirdest thread I've read for a while.

Yes, your DH made a bad call, and why he would feed, but not water a sick child is beyond me. However it hardly rates as neglect and all of these :( and overreactions and worry are bizarre.

Some posters have waaay overreacted.

ThatBlokesANutter · 17/12/2012 09:20

I'm not 'way off'... I'm completely correct. Wink

Christ, I've managed to parent for almost 15 years without losing one to dehydration yet. Including mild fevers and them being sick etc.

So, I stand by what I said. Those doing all the hand wringing and talking about 'monumental mistakes ' are just the sort of people I avoid.

MrsReiver · 17/12/2012 09:24

2much How is your DS this morning? Having been dehydrated myself, I would have reacted the same way to you OP and I don't think Sole was overreacting at all.

Yes it had only been 6/7 hours ish since DS had a drink but he could have been asleep for another 7 hours ish. With a sickness bug and a fever, the wee man could very well have become dehydrated in that time.