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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH is a twat!!

121 replies

2muchxmaspud · 16/12/2012 23:31

I've done a double shift today so OH was at home with our DS who is 3.5. I AM HORRIFIED to find out he hasn't gave DS a drink since 4pm as he has been a bit sickly lately, fair enough, don't give him milk just before bedtime but at least give him water or juice! He doesn't go to bed till 8pm and sleeps all night. He is off his food so I don't feel like he is as humgry if I give him milk at 7ish, I'm now sat here thinking my poor son has been deprived of a drink so OH hasn't had to deal with sick...
When he told me I calmly remarked that it was a bit shit not letting him have a drink, he stormed off and locked himself in spare room saying I was over reacting and to piss off, leave him alone and that I had won if I wanted space to myself.
I was fine untill he said he refused him a drink, I feel so sorry for DS who will now have to go 16hrs for a drink!!! Am I being unreasonable here, I don't think I am, if he is feeling and being sick he should have fluids! But to say to him "no your not having a drink incase your sick!" is awfull! I can't beleive OH saying I'm over reacting!

OP posts:
applecrumple · 17/12/2012 14:58

Did OP's OH actually reduce DS a drink though - its not clear from this thread whether or not DS asked for a drink & was refused or if OH just hasn't offered him a drink.

PatriciaHolm · 17/12/2012 15:03

This is a very weird thread...

The child doesn't have a fever, and had dinner happily - so not sick, and got some water in his food at dinner (we get about 20% of our hydration from food). So he didn't get another drink between 4-8pm? hardly the crime of the century? He isn't going to have dehydrated in that time, given he ate and wasn't sick. He might have liked a drink, and it wasn't very nice not to give him one, but really - you'd think his father hadn't fed or watered him for days.

JenaiMathis · 17/12/2012 15:30

This is bonkers.

I don't understand people's fixation with having to have a drink every five minutes, either. Clearly an ill child can become dehydrated, but this child wasn't going to shrivel up like Spongebob on a hot beach ffs

Sole, have you actually read the OP's posts? This child isn't particularly poorly.

OP, is your partner right about your son guzzling all day? Is he one of those children that seems to have a beaker/Frootshoot bottle shoved in his mouth all day long?

Sioda · 17/12/2012 17:05

Patricia You don't get any net hydration from food unless you're living on watermelons. The water contained in the food is more than offset by the water required to digest the food. You could discover that for yourself by not drinking additional liquids for a few days...

Poppy Seriously - being asleep and being awake are different. Think about it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/12/2012 17:18

Seriously. If the father of your child (generally, not yours, Sock) is unable to provide basic care, then you have other worries.

Or he has learning difficulties, or a neurological disorder,or a lack of parenting skills. Or your a lone parent with a arsehole ex.

I get what you mean but there are many reasons.

MerryLindor · 17/12/2012 17:21

Sock
but you add 'lack of parenting abilities' in there with illnesses, as if it is something that he could not help -- and your point about the useless ex is a case in point - that is probably part of the reason that he is an ex!

No one has an excuse for lack of parenting abilities that would mean harm to a child. If they are that useless, then they should go read a book, or take a class.

everlong · 17/12/2012 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/12/2012 17:28

With that one I was thinking more of a client of mine who lives in a mother and baby unit due to her age but her partner the baby's dad is only allowed to look after the baby supervised by social workers due to a significant lack of parenting skills and lacking insight into his inability.

As to the useless ex your probably right but just because there useless it does not mean they can't be supervised in order to learn not to be.

PoppyPrincess · 17/12/2012 17:31

Yes of course being asleep and being awake are different but I'm just trying to make people see how ridiculous this thread is. He probably missed one drink in his whole waking day but oh no he might die?! It's pathetic!
I can't stand mollycoddle style parenting at the best of times but this is just taking mollycoddling to a whole new level.
I really think think is the most bonkers thread I have ever seen!

Sioda · 17/12/2012 17:37

That's completely illogical Poppy. You were comparing going without drink while asleep to going without it while awake. A few other ppl on the thread did it too. It might be ridiculous but certainly not for that reason.

PickledInAPearTree · 17/12/2012 17:56

If the oh refused the kid a drink as he didn't want to clean up sick he deserved a bent ear.

No one is dying, no social services intervention required but not great. As the op said to him "a bit shit"

It seems to have escalated as he went off into a strop.

MrsFlibble · 17/12/2012 18:23

If the kid had been sick and not eating, he need sips of a caloried drink while awake, my daughter had a sickness, and had seizures due to her having low glucose levels, she struggled to keep anything down, but i kept giving her drinks.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/12/2012 19:07

Mrsfibble.

I hope your daughter recovered quickly

MrsFlibble · 17/12/2012 19:11

Sockreturningpixie Luckily she did and in the nearly 3 years since then she hasnt had another seizure, made me more wary though, seeing her seizure, made my heart stop everytime.

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 21:14

Just got home, jesus, I wasnt saying he was an unfit father, was annoued he refused him a drink, and know he wint indicate or ask when hes thirsty.
I wasnt in when OH gave him his tea so I can't answer why he did that but not give him a drink, I have asked and he said he doesn't know either.
DS is still poorly and has vomited while I have been at work BUT OH has made sure he has had regular sips as he hasn't kept any food down.
I only wanted someone to say I hadn't over reacted by being annoyed with him having a thick moment but try to turn it round on me by acting all defensive.
And no I dont always over react, unless I have reason too, on this occasion I thought OH was bang out of order not giving him a drink so he DS wasn't sick, thought I'd vent on here. Jesus this was not what I was expecting.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/12/2012 21:25

Why didn't you give your son a drink when you came home and found he hadn't had one, rather than posting about your husband as a priority? Odd behaviour. A clear case of twit for twat, perhaps.

PickledInAPearTree · 17/12/2012 21:34

Lying your posts are rather over the top?

She wanted to see if she had been unreasonable..Erm?

Moominsarescary · 17/12/2012 21:34

Because he was asleep in bed

PoppyPrincess · 17/12/2012 22:47

Lmao at ''twit for twat'' I'm going to save that one!

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 17/12/2012 23:01

OP, glad your OH has given him sips to drink this time. I think you've had an unnecessarily rough ride here. Perfectly acceptable to ask, this is what the forum is here for.

MerryLindor · 17/12/2012 23:20

Don't worry about it, OP -
It all got distracted and most of the bunfight wasn't even about your dh

If he is still vomiting, then give him teaspoon full of water to begin with - every ten minutes. Then every 5 mins then gradually increase anount he gets to drink.

Hope he is on the mend soon

Original poster
2muchxmaspud · 17/12/2012 23:51

Lying I didn't find this out not long before I posted! I hadnt sat for ages dwelling on it. And as soon as I had time to digest it, then hummed and harrd about waking him as he hasn't had a good nights sleep in ages and felt guilty disturbing him but knew I had to, it kind of made things later than it was unfolding on here. Plus Im a slow typist anyway I woke DS for a drink even though it was late and then I sat while he dozed back over, he was pleased to see me, he hadn't seen me all day so Im not going to wake him give him the drink then leave him to it. I didn't get in from work till late.
And twit for twat amused me to btw...

At end of the day I thought OH had been bang out of order. Everyones situations are different so people have different opinions and I can live with that, but only me and my OH know our son and I didn't like the way OH handled this. Is that so wrong?

Look my mam died 8 year ago, OHs mam 19 year ago and my sister is busy all the time. I needed a bit of advice as we have no family support. We have no baby sitters, no mam, no MIL to ask opinions from, I just wanted to vent and ask if I was being unreasonable. Thanks for all replies, I shall take everyones advice on board.

OP posts:
FairyJengleBells · 18/12/2012 08:33

I think people are being very harsh here. Firstly the op said she was annoyed with oh. I see her point. When dp is a work he expects me to. Look after our dc if he came in from work and I said I had refused drinks then stormed off to spare room he would go mental as his dc are so precious to him.

Fluids are important whether someone is ill or not that's a fact and to be refuse them can sometimes have serious consequences. Also whilst her ds does not seem overly ill when my dd was 2 one Xmas she seemed fine just a bit tired but ate well opened presents etc come boxing day she was seriously ill in hospital with scarlet fever! At a young age most dc cannot vocalise adequately how they are feeling.

The comments towards soul are vile. No of you know her situation and yet are passing judgement anyway. Personally I think it's nice that someone has so much compassion and empathy for someone else's dc.

Back the fuck off seriously!

bigkidsdidit · 18/12/2012 08:44

Why are people sk obsessed with drinking now? My students constantly have bottles of water in their hands like going an hour without a drink will cause them to dry up. It's fine. Remember years ago when schools didn't allow drinks in class and we didn't suffer?

FairyJengleBells · 18/12/2012 08:47

Perhaps because we are actually better educated now about the benefits of staying hydrated.....