OH is a twat!!

[2muchxmaspud]

I've done a double shift today so OH was at home with our DS who is 3.5. I AM HORRIFIED to find out he hasn't gave DS a drink since 4pm as he has been a bit sickly lately, fair enough, don't give him milk just before bedtime but at least give him water or juice! He doesn't go to bed till 8pm and sleeps all night. He is off his food so I don't feel like he is as humgry if I give him milk at 7ish, I'm now sat here thinking my poor son has been deprived of a drink so OH hasn't had to deal with sick...
When he told me I calmly remarked that it was a bit shit not letting him have a drink, he stormed off and locked himself in spare room saying I was over reacting and to piss off, leave him alone and that I had won if I wanted space to myself.
I was fine untill he said he refused him a drink, I feel so sorry for DS who will now have to go 16hrs for a drink!!! Am I being unreasonable here, I don't think I am, if he is feeling and being sick he should have fluids! But to say to him "no your not having a drink incase your sick!" is awfull! I can't beleive OH saying I'm over reacting!

he had food after 4pm though? ... sounds like a complete over-reaction to me too..

Omg this is just funny now!
My DS is the same age and the other week when he was poorly he went to bed at 5pm, that means he went 14 whole hours without a drink. Does anybody want my address to send social services round because apparently that would make me an incompetent parent?! In fact I can't remember what time his last drink was, it might have even been 4pm which would make it 15 hours. But then maybe he might have not drank the second he woke up so it might have been 16 hours. Quick somebody ring social services! I'm quite clearly a crap mum for letting my son sleep so long! But you know what....he still lives to tell the tale!
F me this is just stupid!

It would have been reasonable not to allow DS a drink after a certain time if he was well and has bedwetting issues, i do this with DD5.

But since DS was sick and not eating, he needs fluids, when my DD has a stomach and couldnt keep anything down, she had seizures and it was terrifying.

But if DS didnt want a drink, thats fair enough but sounds like OH did it because he didnt wanna handle the sick.

Um do people really not grasp that sleep is a physiologically different state to being awake? Going 14 hours without food or drink while asleep is completely different to going 14 hours without while awake. Most people don't get very thirsty while unconscious. A 3 year old would get quite thirsty regularly whle awake due to the whole being conscious and active thing... Would you not manage to be aware of that from a lifetime of sleeping and being awake yourself? And OP's DS did actually ask his father for a drink - so he was thirsty and needed a drink - and was refused it. Without a good reason. Not because he drank all day and might wet the bed. OP if you really did say it to him calmly then your OH sounds like a child getting into a strop with you about it. Whether you also overreacted or not I think depends on what your OH's reasoning really was because it doesn't make sense to me so far.

Sockreturningpixie
I would not stay with a man who was not capable of caring for his OWN CHILD for more than a few hours without endangering the child's life, and I am astounded that anyone would think that paying for childcare is the answer, rather than administering a HUGE kick up the arse.

Seriously. If the father of your child (generally, not yours, Sock) is unable to provide basic care, then you have other worries.

can DS speak? I assume If he was really thirsty he could ask for a drink. Did he ask and get turned down. If so that is worrying. If you are just annoyed he didn't wake him to give fluids then sorry, that seems OTT to me.

OMFG! ''Endangering his life'' WTAF?!
This is just laughable now!

Anyway, surely if the kid was that thirsty he would have got himself a drink/kicked up a fuss?! There's no way that my son (also 3.5) would go without a drink if he was thirsty, he knows how to make a drink/open the fridge/cook his own tea/bake a cake. I'm not even taking the piss, he knows his way round our kitchen better than OH lol

And asking if DS can speak is a genuine question and not me being arsey,,DD is 6 and can't so I never assume :)

Poppy..you have a point..even my non verbal DD can get the point across if she wants a drink :)

dS will prob wake up yelling for a drink and then be fine..it's no biggie, please relax

16 hours an ill hot child in a house with possible central heating no drink. I am overreacting. Its neglect.

sole was I 'neglecting' my DS by putting him to bed at 5pm meaning he went 16 hours without a drink?

He "has been a bit sicky lately" doesnt sound too severe

eleanor you have me intrigued now

If what you're saying is that sole over feeds her child then my personal views on that are that it is a form of neglect/abuse.

I'm with those who think that a 3.5 yo would make a right fuss if he was thirsty and no doubt get himself a drink if necessary. My DC are 2 and 7 and I try to remember to ask them if they want a drink, but know very well that they will come and ask me/help themselves if they are thirsty. I think you were tired after work OP and overreacted.

Aw pud the last thing you need.

I had problems with oh when ds was born. Sometimes small things sometimes bigger things I felt line I had to double check everything.

He would storm off too. It's a reaction which tells you he knows full well he is wrong and feels bad.

I don't think the answer is taking responsibility from him, surely then you are just enabling your partner to be no help to you?

Explain to him why it was wrong & keep an eye on him.

I certainly wouldn't be using paid child care with a father at hone though!

I made dp read the birth from five book to educate himself. Have you anything at home with a section on tummy bugs?

It was a suitable punishment. I used to ask him questions as well.

But we don't know whether the boy here didn't want a drink, or asked for one and was refused. That makes a difference. All the 'OMG, I let my child go overnight without a drink, call Social services why don't you, you're all crazy!!!!!!' postings here are themselves being stupid if they don't see the difference between not wanting a drink and wanting one but not being allowed to have one. And, finally, I think the personal stuff here about Sole is out of line. She is allowed to have an opinion on this issue without her whole life being dredged up from other threads (I don't know her or her background btw.) How would anyone else here like to be told 'ah, but you said this on X thread so you clearly know nothing'?

Op did say "he refused him a drink" so she does have cause to be annoyed.

And she only said "that's shit" she didn't threaten him with a neglect charge.

Sounds like he felt guilty to me and tried out what I call the reverse cob technique.

I don't think the answer is taking responsibility from him, surely then you are just enabling your partner to be no help to you?

EXACTLY, Pickled.

And then always complain that DH is an arse and unable to do anything.

Not the OP specifically, or anyone on this thread, but it is something I often think when I read threads like this on MN.

OP... I know this is going to sound harsh but what are you doing? Posting a thread at 23.30, ranting about your husband, calling him names for not giving your son a drink - and you were so bothered about that you didn't give him one either until some 45 minutes later? Any reason for that?

I'm sorry that your son is poorly, I'm sure it's stressful but if it were my son, my priority wouldn't be to post a thread on AIBU. If I actually needed advice I'd be on another part of the board.