to think its a bit off that the school insist kids have a cooked Christmas lunch, which I have to pay for and provide the veg?'

[Hippocrocopig]

Just as the title says really!

And to add insult to injury ds point blank refuses to eat it and packed lunches banned for the day.

No packed lunches at DD's school full stop.
The children all manage fine. No one starves. Allergies and special needs are provided for.
There wasn't packed lunches when I went to school either - you had school dinners or you went home for lunch.

Love the idea of the children being involved in the preparation of the meal and ll eating it together after.

It's not a Steiner school is it?

He is 7 and fairly high on the OCD scale.

I am a parent that chooses my battles and food is not one of them.

I go by the theory as long as we have a good week food wise, it's ok and I am hoping by the time he has left home as a big strapping lad all this fussiness will be long forgotten.

It has to be Said dds (8 & 2) have fantastic adventurous diets, alway ready to try new things. Not quite sure what happened with ds!

@Greensleaves no, it's not!

Just to clarify here, it's not the fact my son won't eat it that sits uneasy with me. As I said, I will provide the veg, and a peeler

It's the fact we as parents have to provide half the meal and pay for the bloody pleasure!

I have one like that too hippo, and you're right.... Pick your battles

I wouldn't object to what the school are doing though, id send him with the veg and a packed lunch and pull the teacher to one side and say whilst you have no objection to them attempting to het hI'm to eat the meal, if/when he doesn't you don't agree to him going hungry and want him to eat the lunch you've provided

ours had to fill in a slip to say if they want the christmas lunch and then had to choose from steak pie or turkey - had to send in £1.75 if they wanted it. DD went for turkey but ds chose not to have either of them and took in a packed lunch.

my DD school did that too, everyday the kids have a choice of 4 things to have on the menus they take home, hot meal, veg alternative, cold option or packed lunch.

If 'he's fairly high on the OCD scale' I'd send him in with the veg, his packed lunch and a letter explaining that he is having his own food or there will be trouble to the staff.

I managed to miss your earlier post about anxiety about food touching etc

Narked, for anxiety, read hysteria

I think it sounds like a lovely idea for the school to all eat together.

I would try very hard to teach your son to deal with social eating situations as soon as you can.

My DP was allowed by his parents to be extreamly picky about food as a child, He would only eat a certain type of bread and things couldn't touch, he wouldn't eat most fruit or vegies. He didn't just grow out of it, when I met him he was 32 and he would disect any meal he had picking out all the bits he didn't like (anything that looked like it might have vitamins in) It was very very rude he couldn't go to a friend's house for dinner without being very rude.

I told him that I wouldn't consider having kids with him whilst he still behaved that way around food as I wouldn't want my kids to learn his behaviour. He slowly got better and better and now apart from tomatos he can eat anything. His mother said to me recently that she very much regreats letting it go on for so long and that she let him down by pandering to his picky eating, his mum actually thanked me for doing what she should have done for her own son.

Your son will have to at some point in his life eat a meal that he has no control over and maybe a school lunch would be a good place to start.

agree with honeytea, a child that doesnt eat any veg?! ocd or not, veg is so important. my son with adhd/aspergers has been given veg/fruit some day dot so sees this as a normal food type. i think itsa lovely thing for the school to do & why should one child (your child) ruin it for everyone else
just send him in with veg (let him choose) & maybe when he sees other children eating normal food he may stop being/treated so precious.

Many years ago when I was a school kitchen assistant we had a community lunch by accident! The oven packed up in the school kitchen! It finished up with the meat in the oven at the local sheltered housing, the roast potatoes in the oven at the parents of a teaching assistant. The stuffing went into a tiny oven in one of the classrooms and the veg went on the hob of one of the Mums who lived opposite. I will never forget galloping across the road with a pan of sprouts as the school govenors were arriving for lunch!!

lottie - despite the chaos i bet that was lovely :-)

My son dietician recommended school dinners, he has austism and like your son doesn't like food touching ect.

But I don't pander to it, this is something to battle with as fruit and vegetables are important things to eat and eating out ect is a social skill that needs to be learned.

Ds diet is not great but we are getting there slowly

trueblood It was!!!

I think it's worth ringing/emailing school, to say that whilst you are fully supportive of ds helping to prepare the meal & being encouraged to eat it, you are very concerned that he will have a meltdown because of his OCD if they try to force him to eat it, & also that because there is every likelihood he will flatly refuse to eat it, he will then go hungry.

In order, to prevent a) the meltdown & b) the missing lunch, you'd like to provide something for him to have if he won't eat lunch - maybe a snack rather than a full packed lunch, just so he isn't going totally without.

I'd be surprised if they refused - they may mutter a bit that they want EVERYONE to take part - but what's the point if ds's 'participation' is going to be hysteria & distress?

The contribution to costs is another issue - I'd pony up for that willingly as it strengthens your case that you'd like nothing more than for ds to join in!

You're paying for the valuable experience of communally preparing and eating a celebratory meal with the school community. I think it's a LOVELY idea and I would just make sure your DS has lots of healthy breakfast and a snack waiting for him at hometime and if he eats something then great but if he doesn't he won't starve to death.
Preparing food in a totally different environment to usual is a great chance for him to explore his feelings about food.

tell him to eat it or go hungry

really?! so the whole school panders to one child - im sure there will be something he can eat like dessert & really, missing one meal when he can have a snack a few hours later. im thinking that maybe if op underplayed it &stopped acting like this older child will simply die if a vegtable is put in front of him that this child may stand a chance?! ocd or no ocd, he needs to learn NOW what comprimise it. or because he has ocd, he is the most precious child in school keep him off for the day - dont ruin others xmas & be so precious to the school.

How on earth would it ruin others' Xmas if one dc was eating a cheese sandwich whilst they all tucked into a lovely roast dinner?

We quite often have veggie & no-veggie alternatives for Xmas dinner at home. I'm fairly sure my chestnut risotto filo thingy doesn't ruin BIL's enjoyment of his roast beef.

Seriously doesn't need to be a big deal!

erm, the school have banned packed lunches so why should ops child be an exception to the rule?! he really wont starve will he?!

ps think i know the op & she is very precious about ds cause he has ocd - sigh.