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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to circumcise my son?

276 replies

SkiBunnnnny · 14/12/2012 19:29

I have a 10 day old baby son. Being from the UK it would never normally cross my mind to have him circumcised. However, I am living in Canada where the practice is more common (but not as common as in the US) but on the decline.

DH wants to have him circumcised as he is half Jewish (so DS is 1/4 Jewish) but I feel like I don't want to put DS through an unnecessary medical procedure for purely cosmetic reasons. DH also thinks it is cleaner but I think this is irrelevant in the 21st century when we have indoor plumbing and can easily wash ourselves every day. I also feel that it is not our body to make a decision like that about, if he wants to get himself circumcised in the future he can but he can not get himself "de-circumcised" if he is unhappy about it in the future (DH doesn't believe that any circumcised men wish that they weren't).

My question is: AIBU to force my opinion or is DH opinion more valid since he is male?

OP posts:
TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 14/12/2012 21:56

I get the final say on anything I push out of my body whilst they are too young (i,e a baby!) to make the decision themselves, thats what I mean!

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants · 14/12/2012 22:00

Please please stick up for your son and protect him from this. If he wants to be circumcised he can make the decision himself.

hermioneweasley · 14/12/2012 22:11

Ski bunny, DS was screaming in agony after his (necessary) operation and that was with painkillers. His penis looked like it had been through a mangle. It was awful.

Moominsarescary · 14/12/2012 22:13

Ds1 was circumcised for medical reasons. It was painful for a long time afterwards. No way would I do it and to just use numbing cream is awful.

AnnieLobeseder · 14/12/2012 22:18

peaceandlovebunny - what on earth do informed choices to have your own ears pierced or to get a tattoo have to do with inflicting unnecessary pain on an infant who cannot make his own choice?

SinisterBuggyMonth · 14/12/2012 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants · 14/12/2012 22:23

Sinister - you are right - I've had partners who were circumcised and uncircumcised. I would never have my sons circumcised. OP please draw your own conclusions from that.

CluffyDude · 14/12/2012 22:26

Don't do it.
Please.
If he wants it done as an adult -fine. His choice.

It would hurt him and his pain is as more so IMO valid as an adults.
So let him choose.

Kalisi · 14/12/2012 22:36

Fuck No! tidydancer I'm with you 100% Absolutely disgusting and unnecessary.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 14/12/2012 22:44

It's funny how all these 'cultures' and 'traditions' that are supposed to be respected always involve brutalizing women and children, never adult men. If you follow a cultural tradition that involves mutilating newborns then you are an ignorant fucking barbarian and your 'culture' about as worthy of respect as slave-owning and ritual bestiality.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 14/12/2012 22:50

Oh and by the way, if you pierce the ears of children under 5 then you are also an ignorant fucking barbarian. I wouldn't let you in my house because I'd worry that you might shit on the floor.

ZZZenAgain · 14/12/2012 22:59

Isn't it up to the father to decide whether he feels Jewish and how important that cultural heritage is to him? I don't really see what it matters for his Jewishness whether other people consider him truly Jewish. It is a feeling surely, how you define yourself, an emotional issue.

I would not do it to a ds of mine but in your shoes, I would listen to your husband's point of view. If the boy is going to be raised Jewish,he might find it odd not to be circumcised. If he is not being raised Jewish, he can still learn about his Jewish heritage, be proud of it. FOr that IMO he does not need to be circumcised

BertieBotts · 14/12/2012 23:01

Why does getting a piercing or tattoo on your own body make you the same as someone who is pro circumcision or ear-piercing on babies? It's barbaric because it's unnecessary pain inflicted on someone who can't consent. Totally different issue. If an adult man decided he wanted to be circumcised I'd have no problem with that, it's his body, he can go ahead.

The matching argument is stupid though. If a man was born with only one testicle, would he want one of his newborn son's testicles removed so that they matched? Of course he wouldn't and people would think he was stupid and cruel if he did.

Pooka · 14/12/2012 23:04

If matching is the argument, then if your dh loses his hair, would you shave your ds? If your dh (god forbid) lost a limb in an accident, would you dote same to your ds? My ds2 looks nothing like dh. What should I be doing to make him look more like him? Or is it not better to see him as his own person with his own body, foreskin and all?

My cousin and a couple of male friends were circumcised for medical reasons in childhood. Their sons are intact. It just wouldn't have occurred to any of them to try and mould their sons in their own image.

If a circumcision if required for medical reasons, then that is what it is as the alternative is worse. But without solid medical reasons IMO there is no justification fr such an outdated and unkind act.

With regards to babies going into shock by the way - when ds2 was a month old he needed a canula and blood transfusion. The paediatrician was trying to get the canula in the top of his hand. Ds cried momentarily and then (I thought) fell asleep. I commented on this to the paediatrician (was actually pretty concerned) who said that babies often respond to pain and fear by doing this and that it was shock rather than actually falling asleep. True enough, he "woke" as soon as the canula was in and then whimpered as I fed him. It took all my strength not to whisk him away from the ward - but I knew that the transfusion was absolutely necessary for him to recover. I cannot imagine putting an infant through a more invasive and painful procedure for aesthetic reasons or to impose my religion or cultural beliefs on him.

Amytheflag · 14/12/2012 23:06

YANBU. Don't do it. Let your son decide when he's older if he wants to chop part of his body off. It's not your body therefore its not your (or your partner in this case) choice.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 14/12/2012 23:11

SGB says it so much better than me...

Anyone coming near my children with a blade would have to clamber over my dead body first and I will judge anyone who allows this until my judgy pants cut off my circulation.

morethanpotatoprints · 14/12/2012 23:12

If you don't want to don't do it.
There is no reason you shopuld be bullied into accepting anything for your child you are not totally happy about.
Just tell your dh definitely no.

honeytea · 14/12/2012 23:23

If your DP is so worried about "matching" maybe you could suggest he has reconstuctive surgery to give him a foreskin, it would be interesting to see how kean he is on the idea of penis surgery.

The risk of HIV can be almost eliminated with the use of condoms, surely that is a better solution in countries where contraception is freely available than cutting of a bit of the body.

BertieBotts · 14/12/2012 23:30

Exactly Pooka.

And children's penises look nothing like adult penises anyway even if they're both circumcised or uncircumcised. The only time they will "match" is after he's been through puberty and, TBH, isn't that a little weird if they're comparing penises by then? If his dad is worried he'll be teased at school, it's more likely he'll be in the minority now if he's circumcised anyway.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 14/12/2012 23:32

I think the key to a trouble-free procedure is getting a skilled person to perform the op. This is probably easier to ensure in a country where they are routinely performed.
My son had a local anaesthetic & cried briefly at that, rather like the heel prick at birth. He then didn't feel a thing until it wore off hours later and was uncomfortable on weeing for a few hours. By the following day, he didn't notice a thing and it heals very quickly. In this respect, the younger the better as they are not continually rolling around and touching.
It is undoubtedly cleaner despite all the screams to the contrary on here, probably from mothers with daughters or sons still young enough to be washed by mum.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants · 14/12/2012 23:37

My older sons are 17 and 18.
They know how to wash themselves thank you very much. They are not dirty.

honeytea · 14/12/2012 23:39

My DP has a very clean penis, he has a shower every day, it seems to do the trick. Shower or cut a bit of penis off, I know what I would opt for.

BertieBotts · 14/12/2012 23:45

A foreskin might collect dead skin but it's not really hard to clean it, TBH. I'm pretty sure an unwashed circumcised penis would be pretty grim too, anyway. Stale piss and sweat, yuck.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants · 14/12/2012 23:46

And that pathetic notion of 'it's cleaner' could equally apply to women but I don't personally fancy somone taking a knife to my labia to 'tidy it up' so it's cleaner.
Bollocks.

SrirachaGirl · 14/12/2012 23:49

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