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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

worried about my sister (and dh!)

79 replies

MichelleHud · 09/12/2012 19:29

my sister has been staying with us for the past few months (recently divorced, no dks, moved to our area for work). even though we are close in age tbh i was not very close to her growing up, but was happy to help her settle in here (she has a very good job here). everything was fine for a while, but lately i am concerned about how she is getting too close to my dh. might be i am just too sensitive...

OP posts:
AltinkumATEalltheTurkey · 09/12/2012 19:31

What is it with all the husbands betrayal/relationship questioning threads lately.

If you feel your marriage is in jepadory then you need to ask your sister leave!!!

junowiththegladrags · 09/12/2012 19:31

Would your dh consider wearing a paper bag over his head to avoid tempting your ds?

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 19:33

What in particular is happening that makes you feel worried?

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 19:33

You need to give more information.

What makes you think she is getting too close to him? Do you feel he is getting too close to her?

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 19:35

Well since you have given no info no one can say.

Why don't you trust your sister, but allowed her to live with you? Why don't you trust your dh?

BettySuarez · 09/12/2012 19:35

Can you give some specific examples?

What does your DH think?

Doingakatereddy · 09/12/2012 19:38

I really dislike this MN practice of asking for more info, sometimes it just feels like people want to eek out all the gory details for pleasure.

OP - DSis has been with you for a few months, sure this is enough time to save money for rent deposit etc, therefore YANBU to ask her to leave. If it's your gut instinct that they are getting too close, I would Not mention it but would ask her to leave.

Rindercella · 09/12/2012 19:39

What about it all makes you uncomfortable? Is it her behaviour, your DH's? Both?

lisad123 · 09/12/2012 19:45

Well seeing as I'm missing a crystal ball I'm afraid we would need more information

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 09/12/2012 19:45

DSis has been with you for a few months, sure this is enough time to save money for rent deposit etc

Do you know that for a fact then? You may be happy to base your opinion on no information but most don't.

The OP asked for opinions, I think ots ok to ask for more info to make that opinion. Its not like we asked for gory or private details.

FlojoHoHoHo · 09/12/2012 19:49

Trust your instincts and ask her to leave.

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 19:50

Doingakatereddy - the OP is posting for advice, if she declines to give enough information, how is she supposed to get it? It would be foolish and incorrect to suggest (as you did) that I and others have asked her for more information for any reason other than to help.

squeakytoy · 09/12/2012 19:53

"I really dislike this MN practice of asking for more info"

Thats a bit silly though.. how can anyone answer based on scant information..

HildaOgden · 09/12/2012 19:57

How can anyone possibly say if someone is being unreasonable unless they know some of the story?For example:

A.Sister is parading naked in front of dh,telling him she wants a bit of how's your father......op is NOT unreasonable

B.Sister once stole a pencil from the op as youngsters,op scared she'll now rob her husband.....op IS unreasonable.

chrismissymoomoomee · 09/12/2012 19:58

Based on what you have said it seems like you don't trust DH, if thats the case then kicking your sister out is neither here nor there, the underlying issue is still going to be there whether she is living in your house or not.

Its impossible for us to say if they are up to something or not but if I thought my DH was capable of betraying me, especially with a close relative, whether he actually was or not wouldn't really matter, I would leave because the trust just isn't there.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 09/12/2012 20:00

Trust your instinct ^^ Yip. I agree.

Original poster
MichelleHud · 09/12/2012 20:28

tbh i posted this because it's been in my mind over the past weeks, i'm not really looking for advice, just wanted to share and get it off my mind. dh is quiet, somewhat introverted, but would also be considered kind/friendly. it is hard to be specific it is just she seems to make an extra effort to talk with him, ask him about his day, watches some sports with him, gets him a glass of wine, and so on. she seems so "available". i'm so busy after school day teaching, going to gym, we have 6 y dd hobbies, and so on.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/12/2012 20:31

so basically you are jealous.. there is absolutely nothing in what you have wrote that would suggest they are having an affair, or even flirting with each other..

TidyDancer · 09/12/2012 20:37

I'm not seeing any problem there. Is there anything else?

You need to be very careful because if you are to accuse her of anything, you need to be aware that you may damage your sibling relationship potentially beyond repair.

And on the basis of what you've said so far, there doesn't seem any grounds to do this.

chrismissymoomoomee · 09/12/2012 20:38

Does she pour you a drink, watch tv with you and chat to you?

Are you jealous of your sister?

Bubblegum78 · 09/12/2012 20:41

I find our instincts are usually spot on and it's usually based on a feeling we can't quite place...

I say she needs to leave.

It could be insecurity, it might not be, why take the chance? x

Original poster
MichelleHud · 09/12/2012 20:53

squeakytoy, you might be right or not about being jealous. i go to gym, am thinner than my sister (who has a few lbs extra), i would prefer my part-time teaching job, am year younger, and so on. so not jealous? on the other hand i fear(know?) i don't spend enough time with some dh things, so that might be cause of these thoughts too. anyway, thanks for comments, i am glad i posted, i need to think more on this.

OP posts:
Arthurfowlersallotment · 09/12/2012 20:59

Oh okay, you're 12 months younger and thinner than her so definitely not jealous then?

Hmm
squeakytoy · 09/12/2012 21:02

You sound quite insecure... thinner, younger? that does not make anyone a more attractive person really. Are you worried because she is perhaps more friendly, easier to get along with perhaps?

Fakebook · 09/12/2012 21:05

Oh so you're thinner and younger. No way can you be jealous. Everyone wants to be thinner and younger. Hmm