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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

worried about my sister (and dh!)

79 replies

MichelleHud · 09/12/2012 19:29

my sister has been staying with us for the past few months (recently divorced, no dks, moved to our area for work). even though we are close in age tbh i was not very close to her growing up, but was happy to help her settle in here (she has a very good job here). everything was fine for a while, but lately i am concerned about how she is getting too close to my dh. might be i am just too sensitive...

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 09/12/2012 23:36

Boundries? Watching TV, fetching a drink and talking? What boundries is she crossing exactly.

peaceandlovebunny · 09/12/2012 23:37

Maybe the men you know peaceandlovebunny the men I know have higher standards than that
nah, you're just kidding yourself.

toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner · 09/12/2012 23:37

cumfy no I really don't think the OP was referring to "extra marital" at all!!! I took it to mean she has had 2 partners in her life, one before her DH and then her DH!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2012 23:40

You sound like you hate your sister

And that you are very, very insecure in your marriage

Not a great combination then, to have your hateful sister and your untrustworthy dh doing seksy things like drinking wine and chatting Hmm

cumfy · 09/12/2012 23:44

toomuch Blush just had two only had two

Yes, I see.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 09/12/2012 23:58

Hmmm, op i think you most certainly do have jealousy issues.

My Dsis is stunning, i mean model stunning, i'm short and fat, she has had a very exciting life working in america, africa and australia. I had a child young, so didn't have the opportunity to travel like she did. She is smart, funny, nice to be around. I'm a bit reclusive and grumpy.

Having said that, i am not jealous of my sister. I love her the way she is. Yes she is prettier than me, has a more exciting life than me, but so what???

I would never ever worry about her being around my DP, as i trust her implicitly.

I think the issue here is you and your feelings towards your sister. Making light of the number of partners she has had just makes it sound like you are implying she is a slut.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 00:02

"If my Dsis came to stay, I would expect her to spend sometime in her room, not taking my position on the sofa, fetching wine for my DH, laughing at his jokes, cosily watching sports together, while I'm not there"

Seriously?? Confused

Are you insecure and paranoid too?

StuntGirl · 10/12/2012 00:03

What must it be like in your world lovebunny?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2012 00:06

I think it must be terrifying, and very very lonely, SG Sad

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 00:07

and very joyless ..

chrismissymoomoomee · 10/12/2012 00:11

Maybe the men you know peaceandlovebunny the men I know have higher standards than that

nah, you're just kidding yourself

Why on earth would I kid myself about my friends and relatives having higher standards than mere 'availability'? It wouldn't put me nor down either way. I'm just stating how it is.

You sound very bitter about something Peaceandlovebunny I hope you manage to sort whatever it is soon.

StuntGirl · 10/12/2012 00:14

I know AF and Squeaky, tis very sad :(

JustFabulous · 10/12/2012 10:01

What has her personal life got to do with it? You come across as thinking you are something special and that you don't even like your sister.

HeathRobinson · 10/12/2012 10:21

Op, you might be too sensitive or you might be right.
Why not get your sister to babysit, as a pp said, and go out with your dh and have some fun?

You could also have a chat with your dh about giving your sister a deadline to go. You said she has a very good job here, so finding her own place shouldn't be too hard?

theboutiquemummy · 10/12/2012 10:37

Speak to your DH and see how you feel ask your sister if she needs help sorting out a new place

Dont make it anymore then that x

Good Luck

santaslittlegoldenelf · 10/12/2012 10:56

To me, it does sound a bit like you feel that your sister's taking your place in your home and I'd expect her to be giving you some space as a couple and offering to babysit regularly as a thank you for letting her stay in your home rather than sitting down and relaxing with your dh in the evening.

It's difficult to tell whether she's being insensitive or you should be genuinely concerned. Nevertheless, if you are feeling uncomfortable in your own home then your sister needs to move out. If a 'very good job' means a well paid one then I'd expect her to afford her own place.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh · 10/12/2012 11:12

I think many men are susceptible to flattery and opportunity. So if your sis is paying your DH lots of attention, while you're in the usual domestic humdrum monotony that comes from being married for years and having a child together, then it's not surprising that you're uncomfortable.

As for the people that are accusing OP of being - shock horror - jealous of her sister. Haven't you heard of sibling rivalry? It's quite normal to have some element of jealousy of our siblings, and anyone who says they don't is either very lucky to be the result of an extremely loving and secure upbringing, or in a river in Egypt.

Original poster
MichelleHud · 10/12/2012 19:18

ok, so in a friendly manner i asked sis to consider finding her own place in the new year to give dh and i more space (she can easily afford it, money no problem for her). but that request was not received very well, and i got lots of advice from her on how to better look after my dh, and even some for my dd! i don't know how she could say those things (even if some are possibly true, which is strange). it now feels like i have done the right thing. hopefully she moves on soon and things go back to how i liked them.

OP posts:
perceptionInaPearTree · 10/12/2012 19:26

Tell her to leave. Whether you're jealous / insecure or whatever, rightly or wrongly, it is your home and you are being made to feel uncomfortable.

Why can't she live in her own home?

perceptionInaPearTree · 10/12/2012 19:27

Ok, reading your last post, she needs to leave now.

perceptionInaPearTree · 10/12/2012 19:28

Why is she living with you in the first place?

thebody · 10/12/2012 19:38

We' hopefully she moves in soon!!' Could turn into please move out by such a date.

Don't be a woss op.. If you not keen in her then tell her its time to go.

Actually you sound a bit jealous of each others lives and that's normal.

Original poster
MichelleHud · 10/12/2012 19:38

i originally told her she could stay with us while moving to the area. i am not jealous, but i am somewhat insecure (personal issues) and really did not feel comfortable. now after that talk with her, i see she was taking over our home, dh and even dd.

OP posts:
FeistyLass · 10/12/2012 19:42

Dsis is probably dealing with her own issues and trying to re-establish her sense of self. However she doesn't need to do it at your expense. Make sure you tell dh that you've asked her to move out so there's no confusion in the messages you're both giving.

Original poster
MichelleHud · 10/12/2012 19:50

i told dh, and while he seemed a bit surprised he said ok whatever i think is best (did not tell him the details of the conversation, just that i want her find her own place soon)

OP posts: