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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DS in his own room?

118 replies

SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 19:25

DS is 14 weeks and usually wakes just once a night to feed (he is breastfed). Currently he sleeps in a Moses basket next to my side of the bed. I'm considering moving him into his own room (next door) as I keep waking him up at night (coughing, rolling over noisily, going to the toilet - he is a very light sleeper). Also, he wakes me up (grunting, squeaking, farting!). DH sleeps through it all, I might point out!

I miss being able to lie in bed talking to DH, and I miss being able to have sex in bed (I just can't dtd with a baby in the room - it feels weird, and I'm scared of waking him!). But SIDS guidelines recommend that babies sleep in their parent's room until 6 months. I don't really understand why this is (isn't SIDS silent? So it's not like I'd hear anything) and we don't smoke or have any other risk factors.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BatCave · 08/12/2012 19:32

YANBU whatever your reasons are, they are your reasons and valid. The SIDS guidance is because you are more in tune to your baby's movements when they are in your bedroom, but I'd say that with good onions these days the risk wouldn't be much greater at all. We had a video monitor with Dd it's fantastic! Could literally see her breathing, not that I'm saying you need this.

Also if you're still waking up in the night and breastfeeding those are reducing risk factors so its just a case of weighing it all up. I personally loved it when Dd went to her own room, I slept much better and was a happier less stressed person for it.

Wossit · 08/12/2012 19:32

Get a breathing pad for his cot.

BatCave · 08/12/2012 19:32

Of course, I mean monitors not onions Xmas Blush

chrismissymoomoomee · 08/12/2012 19:34

I'd start by not making such a fucking flippant statement about SIDS - 'isn't SIDS silent? So it's not like I'd hear anything' the only thing missing off that statement is a at the end Angry

DragonMamma · 08/12/2012 19:36

YANBU

It takes a night or two to trust they'll wake you if they need you but mine were around the same age when I turfed them out - DD was a grunter and did it all night, I couldn't sleep through it and had a knot in my stomach for the entire time, waiting for her to wake properly.

DS just slept better in his own room without me and DH to disturb him with breathing, shuffling etc.

tiredteddy · 08/12/2012 19:39

From what I understood about SIDS they need to be sleeping in your room until 6 months as they regulate their own breathing by hearing you. It's to do with them needing to hear your noise more than your waking to their cries. Perhaps you need to look at the SIDS guidelines again.

DoubleYew · 08/12/2012 19:40

No-one knows why babies are more likely to die sleeping in a room on their own. It may be that this waking him up by accident keeps him in a light sleep, it may be that the tiny changes in air pressure caused by your breathing stimulates his lungs to keep going. There are various theories as to why it is but it is a fact that sleeping in the same room as someone (even for daytime naps) makes SIDS less likely.

A breathing monitor will only go off when the baby has stopped breathing, sadly when it is probably too late.

SIDS rates have really gone down since people are more careful about smoking and overheating and sleeping on backs. Lots of people do it before 6 months and their babies are fine but I couldn't live with myself if the worst happened.

LucieMay · 08/12/2012 19:41

chrismissymoomoomee I think that was a bit harsh on the op. She doesn't come across as flippant or dismissive, she is simply asking a question.

hazeyjane · 08/12/2012 19:41

The guidelines are there because our breathing helps regulate their breathing. It isn't about whether we hear anything, so having a monitor makes no difference on that point.

ErikNorseman · 08/12/2012 19:42

It's only 12 more weeks, I wouldn't.

nannyof3 · 08/12/2012 19:45

Sids doesnt only happen when a baby is sleeping. It can happen when there awKe, having a bottle, anytime

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 19:50

Have you considered getting a baby movement monitor?? they are amazing! My daughter is high risk SIDs and had two near misses aged 3months and 7months. The mattress sensor saved her life and my doctor now encourages there use! It is helpful to have baby in your room till 6 months but you may not always no if something's wrong even if there are in the room with them! I would wake at the slightest movement from my dd but the first near miss I never detected until the monitor alarmed. I paid £40 for mine! They are much worth it and put your mind at complete ease! Smile

cinders005 · 08/12/2012 19:51

I did it with both my dc. As soon as they stopped fitting in moses basket. (around 3 to 4 months). Cot wouldn't fit in our bedroom. Fortunately both were fine.
About to do same with third.

AmberSocks · 08/12/2012 19:53

do what feels right for you.I have read,and then ignored a few of the sids guidelines,my 4 have slept in with me and 2 still do every night and dont have their own room at all,that is what i feel is best/safest/right for my family.Im not sure i would want to mine to be on their own all night that young but just go with what you feel is right for you all.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 19:54

Sorry just need I add as I didn't read all f the comments, breathing monitors alarm after 20 seconds of no movement. This is not too late to brig a baby back! I have resuscitated my child back after 50seconds before without any harm coming to her!!! Plus can I add our breathing does not help regulate our child's! If that were true then we could just let baby's sleep on our chest constantly and they'd be fine! Regulation of a baby's breathing ( in fact anyone's breathing) during sleep is entirely down to the brain, unless they are woken then they have more control over it xSmile

Loislane78 · 08/12/2012 19:57

Mine was in her own room from ~8 weeks and is BF. We co-slept the early weeks, then Moses basket, then own room in basket and now in the cot. It's personal choice for a number of reasons, works well for us . I'm aware of the 6mo guidelines.

YANBU and several of my friends with babies same age are in their own room.

cinders005 · 08/12/2012 19:57

Although this one will be in with a sibling,

chrismissymoomoomee · 08/12/2012 19:57

I don't care if it sounds harsh, it does sound flippant to me.

This is something I posted in another topic a while ago, that may be relevent here.

My son died from SIDS, I had none of the 'risk factors' he was sleeping in his moses basket beside my bed, I woke up half an hour after he was usually have his night feed, I had checked on him an hour before that, and he was gone.

I have to say all this talk of 'risk factors' sounds a bit naive to say the least. Its not like crossing the road where you know if you stop look and listen before you cross then you are very likely to be safe, this is a syndrome that doesn't discriminate and doesn't look at risk factors. If I were you I would just put up with the inconvenience for a few more months for my own piece of mind.

I can tell you that if anything were to happen to your child then you would have the rest of your life to go over everything you could have done and you would find a way to try and blame yourself and if you think there is one single thing you could have done differently then that choice would make you feel sick to your stomach forever more. For me it was putting an extra blanket on because the room was a bit chilly, for the past 14 years I have thought 'what if' every single day, and it isn't a nice feeling.

No-one can tell you what to do OP but I wouldn't risk it if I were you.

Original poster
SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 20:01

Chrismissymoomoomee, it wasn't meant to be flippant, sorry if it came across that way - I wouldn't be flippant about something so terrible. It was only that I couldn't understand why the risk was less, if it couldn't be explained by the parent realising there was a problem before it was too late. I don't know the research behind the advice, and the fact that it's silent (and therefore you wouldn't wake up, even in the same room) is what is so frightening about it.

Doubleyew, that's interesting. I'd started putting him in our room (with monitor) for naps as he's such a light sleeper I tend to disturb him. I hadn't realised that was a risk Sad

It's so hard to know what to do! I'd never forgive myself if something happened.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 08/12/2012 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 20:02

chrismissy how awful for you to loose ds! It must be so awful Sad I agree SIDS doesn't discriminate x

hazeyjane · 08/12/2012 20:03

Piglettmummy, I thought the movement monitors are proven to help with infant apnea, but not SIDS.

Original poster
SpanielFace · 08/12/2012 20:05

Oh Chrismissymoomoomee, I just read your second post, I'm so, so sorry. I cried just reading that, I can't even imagine how you must feel.

OP posts:
redwellybluewelly · 08/12/2012 20:06

Being close to a parent does help to remind them to breath.

Mum to high risk sids and seizure baby now toddler

piglettsmummy · 08/12/2012 20:08

hazeyjane there supposed to detect if a child stops breathing. So helps with apnea but because t he real cause of SIDs isn't known they can't discourage that either. My dd's paediatrician told me that we were very lucky and we would have most definatly lost her to SIDs if we hadn't had the monitor mostly because she wasn't able to start breathing again without stimulation to her chest and eventually if her not breathing was detected she would Have died. It's not something that is encouraged widely by health professionals but my dd's doctor after seeing her case has a conpletly different opinion about t them nowSmile

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